Young children kissing each other - what's appropriate?

(36 Posts)
WellitsAllGoneNow Fri 02-May-14 19:57:51

Do you think it's ok for a 5 yo boy and girl to kiss each other? And to talk about who they are in love with and who they are going to marry?

I see this as fairly innocent (although I don't much like it when adults join in or encourage the talk with "But I thought you were going to marry so and so" kind of comments).

But my DH doesn't like it at all and thinks they shouldn't be kissing. He was brought up in an environment where children were emulating adult sexual behaviours (with each other) from a very early age and he didn't realise how inappropriate this was until he was grown up. He wants to protect our DC from the same.

It's causing a rift.

NinjaLeprechaun Sat 03-May-14 02:14:46

When my daughter was five, she'd come home from school talking about her "boyfriend" so one day I asked her what made him her boyfriend - "He's my friend, and he's a boy." Perfect five-year-old logic.
I think that, in most cases, even when children use 'grown-up' words or behaviour they don't understand them in the same way.

turgiday Sat 03-May-14 02:25:16

I don't think there is an issue with this at all.

But I also hate it when other adults encourage children to see an opposite sex friend as a girlfriend or boyfriend.

It sounds like your DH would benefit from counselling. Having children often brings things up again for adults who have been sexually abused.

Very odd assertion that parents of boys won't get what they get up to confused.

I am already teaching my boys about respecting personal space and "no means no" etc and as they get older this will be reinforced constantly. I don't want my sons treating their girl friends with anything than the utmost respect.

Perpetuating the myth of the predatory male and the helpless female is ridiculous and does nothing to teach either gender how to behave appropriately.

Won't care what they get up to

GarlicMaybeNot Sat 03-May-14 02:50:45

Either I'm right out of the loop these days, or there are some odd posts here. Are these pictures not cute, then? confused

turgiday Sat 03-May-14 02:54:41

They are cute as long as neither kid was forced to kiss the other kid. But kids do kiss other kids. As long as they are both happy with that, I dont see the issue.

GarlicMaybeNot Sat 03-May-14 02:56:11

I'm very sorry DH's view has been contaminated by his own childhood experiences, Well. I feel a little worried, though, that his view may transfer to your children if they're asked to restrain their natural exuberance for fear of precocious sexuality. I've got nowhere near enough information here to comment any further. Some PPs have suggested avenues that would be appropriate to get a wider perspective on this. All the best.

GarlicMaybeNot Sat 03-May-14 02:56:40

Phew. Thanks, Turgid.

christinarossetti Sat 03-May-14 03:13:45

OP, if your dh grew up in a home where older children were enacting sexual behaviour learnt from adults with younger children (or doing this with each other within earshot or sight of younger children), I would say there was an element of abuse.

Understandably, this is colouring his perspective. I don't know if he's had any formal help with this, but it might be an idea if he's interesting to help him sort out his feelings about his own childhood and current family situation.

Fwiw, your take on things sounds very grounded.

Raskova Sat 03-May-14 09:24:08

Garlic, these pics are very cute and I have lots of her with her 'best friend'.

What I don't like is that she's kissing loads of boys on the lips and their parents are talking about them being her boyfriend. It's ok if one or two but all of them...

DD is extremely cuddly. I love it and would never discourage it. I just think about the she this becomes inappropriate. I mean if she was 16 and kissing all these boys... shock

QTPie Sat 03-May-14 09:42:58

Kissing, cuddling and affection are not bad - in fact they are lovely - but it is about respect for others (respecting that they don't want it and respecting what is not appropriate) and about self respect (being clear when you don't want it and what is not appropriate). Otherwise let children be children and explore affection and relationships with your support.

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