Has anyone ever 'lost' their bond with child?

(7 Posts)
alicemac83 Wed 02-Apr-14 20:07:41

Hi ladies,
I've recently been through a period of depression/acute anxiety which was similar to the pnd I had 3 years ago. I'm coming out the other side now, but I'm still worrying about my bond with my 3yr old. I think I'm worrying too much, and I'm constantly watching out for the old rushes of love I used to feel. Has anyone else been through anything similar? And will I get my bond back? Xx

thingamajig Wed 02-Apr-14 20:12:19

Yes you will get your bond back. You need to take some time to get back to your old self, but everything will get better. Don't be hard on yourself, and things will gradually return to normal

'Fake it til you make it' is the mantra you need, physical gestures and empty words will do for now. I never felt the big bond everyone goes on about with my first baby so I got in the habit of kissing we on the head every time I picked her up. It all builds up. Even when I'm utterly disinterested in DH or we've been fighting I make a real effort to, say, stroke his shoulder as I walk past or touch his thigh when driving. Just to keep the connection open despite my true feelings (and incidentally give him a guilt trip if he's thinking I'll of me lol.) It's not deception, it' hopefulness.

alicemac83 Thu 03-Apr-14 09:13:25

Thanks for your replies,
I think the problem for me is that I work fill-time. I leave at 7 and don't get back until 6.30. So I only have a half an hour or so with my DD in the mornings. I find that if I get stressed (v.often) or don't feel any 'loving' feelings for her, then I spent the whole journey to work (1.30hr) worrying and fretting that we have no bond. It's doing my head in. I think if I had more time with her I'd relax more and the feelings would come back xx

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 03-Apr-14 14:27:02

Sorry you're going through a rough time. Naturally as children get older the constant rushes of love we have for our children dwindle then every so often they do something and you get a big rush and you realise how much you love them.

I agree with fake it until you make it, just keep going and one day you'll realise you aren't faking any longer.

Depression is very hard and makes you question all your emotionsthanks

CathyAnnis Thu 03-Apr-14 16:15:53

I'm so sorry for you, I know this is very hard. I really struggled with PND with my 2nd child and it's a very hard thing to go through. I still feel very guilty about it but I adore her so much now that I just hope she picks up on that and doesn't remember the difficult times I had.
Like others have said, fake it til you make it. It's the little things she needs, little touches, cuddles, even just eye contact is a big thing for kids. Try and enjoy what time you do have so you can go away smiling. As she grows up and you watch her personality developing you'll fall in love all over again.
Don't be hard on yourself, this will pass eventually. See to yourself so you can be there for your child.

alicemac83 Thu 03-Apr-14 16:23:06

Thank you so much, both your posts are lovely, and really comforting xxx

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