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Any other mums who don't really have a routine?(29 Posts)
I feel like a bit of a freak at our baby class as we don't really have a routine. DS is 13 weeks and EBFs on demand, we co sleep so he naps downstairs on my lap or in his Moses basket until we go up to bed where he usually feeds, I read him a book and we go to bed. Generally we wake up when his daddy gets ready for work in the morning but tend to vary when we get up/changed, some mornings we just have a cuddle and songs in bed. He has about three baths a week at the moment (and a top and tail wash daily) but these are as and when he needs one/ we have time to enjoy it. DS seems happy and I am really enjoying our time together and don't feel in a rush to establish any fixed routine as this just feels natural whilst I am able to enjoy as much time as possible with him whilst I am able.
I don't have issue with anyone using routines and I feel totally out of the loop when talking about bedtimes and counting hours between feeds etc when speaking to other mums. I do sometimes worry that DS will suffer for it and it is just me being lazy.
Does/did anyone else get by without a fixed routine?
I should add, I will hopefully look to implement one when he is older as I'm sure it will make life easier, but for now it just doesnt seem to work for us!
My DD is 6 months and we still have no "set" routine.
She has however sort of worked one out herself. To whit: she will usually fall asleep for naps and for the night around the same time daily. I'm being v relaxed about it all and see no reason to impose routine on her per se as I'm not going back to work, but I appreciate that I am very lucky to be in that situation.
We have coslept since 7 weeks.
everything I could have written your post! Ds is same age, currently asleep on me. He always seems to fall asleep by seven pm no matter where we are. We co sleep, I babywear, Ds has two baths a week which we don't rush, he has a bedtime story around six pm. He will feed at 1am, 4 am and then wake at 6am, we get washed and dressed for the day, play a bit and he decides when to nap-between 9 and 11am.
Maybe that is a routine, but not one set by me or dh. When I go back to work Ds will be nine months, a lot can change in that time. I read a lot a about people experiencing sleep regression with sleep trained babies. I don't view it this way because we're going with Ds' flow.
Anyway, that's just our set up. I personally don't worry why other parents do about their kids routines. We're doing what works for us and feels right.
Sounds like you are too.
Thank goodness it's not just me! I don't tend to obsess about what other parents are doing but when nobody is doing the same as you, you start to wonder!
It's funny, I suppose you are right Amiawake, they are in little routines, even if they aren't intentional! It sounds like you are enjoying your baby led routine as much as I am!
I just invested in a Girasol ring sling and LOVE it, so am getting in to baby wearing as well , I'm probably setting myself up for a right little mummys boy but I'll take it.
My dd is 6 mo and ebf.
We are 'free styling' as I have aptly named it.
She goes to bed at around 8.30 ish. Can be anytime between 7.30 and 10...
She cat naps in the day.
My dh works shifts so sometimes we can be in bed quite late in the mornings. Others up v early.
We have just started blw but she's not really interested.
I'm happy. She's happy. Dh is happy.
.... Apart from last night when she wouldn't settle till 3.30 am as she has a cold!
At 13 weeks it doesn't really matter - I found as they get older your day becomes more routine eg. around meal times, nap times etc.
Little babies can just feed when they're hungry and sleep when they're tired. Older babies/toddlers thrive on routine and predictability ime.
I have a toddler aged 21 months and she doesn't have a strict routine at all! I find it easier to be flexible about bed times/nap time/times of meals because it means that we can do whatever suits us best that particular day. eg if i want to take her over to a friends or out for lunch/dinner, if we take her to a party late at night, if we want to stay late in the park if its a nice warm night etc etc xx
That has been my reasoning Mummaluce I would much rather we are able to be flexible than stuck in a rigid, set way! So glad to learn I can keep it up 21 months an onward!
I think I'm a little to ditzy to over be a super organised mummy anyway!
I'm so glad to hear that not every one follows strict routines these days.
When I had my first, we didn't do routines. Yes, if we were just at home, he slept when he wanted, but if I had a reason to go out, we went, regardless of whether it was when he normally slept or not. Basically, exactly as MummyLuce says. We had a great social life - plenty of baby groups and things to go to.
With subsequent DC, I still didn't follow set routines, but as the older ones went to school/playgroups, then I suppose we did have to work round them.
But, by the time my youngest was born, I found that social groups were having problems keeping members because all the new mums seemed to be so stuck in their routines. This was the early 2000s when a certain book was published and suddenly everyone felt that they needed to follow strict routines. They could never get out as their DC always seemed to be asleep and couldn't be disturbed. My local NCT group effectively died because of this.
My daughter is 14 wks and we are free-styling it too. She has established her own bedtime of about 8pm and needs no help at all in going to sleep for the night - we have to make sure she is in her pjs by then or she is out cold while still dressed! She will wake in the night for a feed or two usually. She naps as and when, sometimes on me, sometimes in cot, sometimes in buggy for longer periods. DP and I have very varying work schedules and are sharing her care (DP usually does a couple of half-days per week at the mo) so it really doesn't suit us to be nailed to a routine. So far this is all working out well and everyone is happy. I am staying open minded about the potential to establish more routine as we go on if it looks like we need it, but currently we have a reasonable amount of sleep, very little crying and a well fed baby so I can't see what we would gain from a load of clock watching and inflexibility.
everything I hope you enjoy your ring sling! I have a few wraps, we love the freedom they give us and Ds enjoys being in them up at face height so he can look around!
I'm pleased to see other mums freestyling it and enjoying themselves and their dc's, that's not to say mums with a routine aren't. It's whatever works for the individuals and the family.
The best thing we did was decide to co sleep, bfing is so easy and Ds doesn't cry at night and we all get 7 plus hours quality sleep. We don't feel like we need a routine yet. It may change, or not. I appreciate it doesn't work for everyone!
I have a 2.3 yo and still freestyle! Never had a routine.
He has nursery 9-1 evetyday, so is up at a certain time every morning, but when he comes home we may all go out to lunch where he conks out, or have lunch at home and he skips his siesta.
He might go to sleep at 8pm, or 10.30, it depends what he has done.
Some days he wants to stay home and play, others he's itching to get out in the fresh air.
I work 4-10/ 4-8 or 6-10 different days, DH works from home, so we're Flexy Betsy about everything. I'm sure once he starts school im Sept 9-5 he'll be in a routine. Oh, and we are still co slerping! DS doesn't have his own room yet
14mth here and no strict routine....more one we fell into as he set it as we went along. He gets up at relatively the same time everyday, eats and drinks around the same time, but if early or late no bother. Naps, someday she has 1 sometimes 2. Bed between 6 and 7 depending on his tired signs.
It works well for us!
All my 4 established their own routines and they were never slavishly adhered to. What a nightmare to be stuck in a routine that you couldn't do anything else.
So, in the early months, they just slept, fed and were awake when they wanted.
Later on, I just noticed when they tended to fall asleep and if they started to get crabby, I thought they might have missed their nap so put them down for a nap.
Just usual meal times for rest of the family when they were weaned.
Your ds will not suffer for no routine. It's not lazy. It's just going with the flow. You need to save your energies for more important stuff.
Definitely loving the term free style parenting rather than just disorganised! It really is lovely and encouraging to hear all of your positive experiences and I will stop questioning my approach (or lack thereof!)
I want a wrap next Amiawake, The ring sling is great for a speedy up and go but I'd love to learn some different carries/wraps. I was warned that baby wearing was addictive!
So was I everything, addictive and liberating! Feels really natural as well.
See if there's a sling library in your area, they can loan you a woven or stretchy wrap and a trained sling consultant can show you how to wear it, there are loads of vids on YouTube too. You can find groups on fb for affordable slings if you want to get a good second hand wrap!
PFB is 11weeks old and we're freestyling all the way! She gets a bath most nights but that can be at 6pm or 8pm. After bath we do switch the lights off and the telly down so she knows its 'sleepy time' but again, she might go to sleep an hour after her bath or it might be 3 hours depends on her mood!
Hoping she will be happy to keep going this way,I can't deal with routines lol!
I do think it sort of depends on the mum and baby, I 'freestyled' it a bit when dd was born and found I had an angry screaming baby on my hands. Implemented a basic routine and she was transformed into a much happier little soul.
She just liked to know what to expect roughly each day and we still went out and socialised loads. Dd just had times when roughly she would eat and sleep - I found this meant she never had to 'demand' anything as the need would be met. I also felt a lot less stressed.
However dd was and is still (now 8yo) quite umm 'sensitive' and I can imagine a more laid back baby wouldn't struggle as much as she did with going with the flow
I have 4 DC's and every new school term I always say the same thing ....we need a routine! well the eldest is now 15 and we still don't have one.
My youngest 2 are 4 months and 2 years, bathtime can be morning or night, we have no set bedtime either . I used to think I was on only one on here with no routine so I'm glad I opened this thread.
Playing devil's advocate, the reason why I like a routine is that my kids all go to bed at 7pm (including my twin babies) which means I get some very much needed and guaranteed hours in the evening to relax/do exercise/go out socially with friends/Dh on the rare occasion/feel like 'me' and not just a 'mum'. But each to their own!
I do have bedtime at night though. 7.30 for 8 year old ds1 and 7pm for 6, 4 and 18 mo old. Otherwise they start to go bonkers and awful the next day.
My DS is almost 12 months and never really had a routine. He BF on demand, slept on me when he was sleepy and slept in his Moses basket until we took him to bed with us.
When he got a little older we just made sure we put him in his cot by about 8pm before he got too tired to settle.
By about 9mo he started to naturally fall in to a routine - I could start to tell that he needed an afternoon nap round about 2pm and would then sleep in his cot, I was weaning him off the boob and offering bottles at specific times through the day, wind down time, pjs on, bottle and bed.
Now that he goes to nursery he's more active so needs to go to bed much earlier.
Baths - we only bathe him a few times a week and not as part of a bedtime routine either. Although, we're now having to bath him more frequently thanks to messy eating and messy nursery play.
Two DDs (nearly 4 and 9months), and never a routine between them, but a few habits and preferences. If you are sensitive and tuned in to your baby you will easily be able to meet his or her needs as appropriate. So nice to be able to be flexible. For when your DS is a little older, I warmly recommend an Ergo.
beachesandbuckets I do agree with you that a proper routine like that would give you some free space! I can very much understand why some mums swear by it. The thread was in no way a dig at those with routines.
Like another poster said, I think it can depend on mum and baby's personalities too! I think I'm lucky that (apart from refluxy screams) my DS is quite chilled and is super flexible so we can go out with him etc and he just takes it as it comes which I feel gives us a lot of freedom!
peaceful I've been to our local sling meet and everybody there loves an Ergo, I will have to try one out!
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