Weekend chores and dp/husbands(21 Posts)
Ok so we have 2 young kids 3.5&16 months. Little gets done in the week while I'm with them housework wise. If I busy myself doing a chore it gets interrupted to many times to continue and they cause carnage elsewhere because they are being ignored . I keep hinting to dp to take kids anywhere / everywhere at the weekend. For a few hours so I can do household chores without trying to work round them. I always have to hint and get narky.
Do other peoples other halves. Help you out and take kids away for a few hours . It's driving me nuts!!!
Why do you hint? Just ask him to take them out so you can have some time to tackle the house. Or offer to take them out so he can tackle the house instead.
He takes it shittly to be honest. He seams to make me feel bad for asking him.
Seems . Bloody hell. I'm losing my mind!!!
Then you take the kids out and leave him to do the chores!
He wouldn't he would catch up on his own things.
So if asking outright doesn't work, hinting isn't going to get you what you need either.
Assuming he's the sole earner, I think you need to lay it out for him - there's no way of keeping a house clean with toddlers in it every day. The alternative to sharing the work at the weekend is for them to spend a half day or two half days in nursery during the week. Up to him.
It's not really about "help" is it?
You are both grown ups. You know what tasks need to be done to keep the house moving. Most families have jobs assigned in some way ie bin emptying, food shopping etc.
It makes sense for you to work together and compromise to get everything done.
Does you DP/DH understand that you can't do much during the week?!
He wouldn't get the marigolds on and go nuts with the bleach
Tell him he can either take the children for the morning (min 4 hrs) or you will take them out and he can do what needs to be done at home.
Can you pay a babysitter to take them out? or a cleaner to do some cleaning?
He sounds like he's being really unsupportive. Yes a normal supportive partner would distract the DC or take them out so that you can get on with things undisturbed. AND to boot they would do their bloody share of the housework and not assume it's all your job
Just as an example (and this morning was particularly nice but it's not unusual) DH took DS out this morning to get his hair cut while I had a lie in, when they got back they woke me up with pastries they'd brought from the bakery and then DH washed up while I set up a game with DS that we then all played together. When DH got bored of the game, DS and I played a different game while DH relaxed. Then all three of us did separate things for a while.
This afternoon I sorted some washing out, DS attempted to help me hang it up and then went and had his tea (which I made) and then I'm about to put the clean washing away now and maybe tidy DS' room a bit. DH has just this minute stood up and started putting the clean dishes away.
That's how a supportive household works - everyone does their bit, partners look out for each other, everyone gets shared time and alone time and we all appreciate each other.
I think until you have been at home a full day with 2 little people, you don't actually realise how much of a job that looking after them is, and it's fairly common to assume that if one parent is at home, they would be able to get some housework done. So what you need to do, is not 'hint' but explain - and if need be, demonstrate by going out for 9 hours one Saturday, leaving him the two little ones and a list of jobs that need to be done. Once you've explained, then you offer him the choice of looking after the two of them for x hours, or doing the list of essential jobs that need to be done each weekend. But you do it calmly, when talking to each other.
Il have to try a new approach, he's not lazy. He works bloody hard during the week. He's up with our youngest in the night. If I say we need a tescos shop here's a list he'l go. I've prob painted him in a bad light.
I think we have fallen into a rut , I do the house you earn the pennies. Now I've started to write it down I think I also want him to take them out so they are out the house. For a while and I have some quiet time. Our 1st goes nursey 3 mornings but our daughter is still at home with me. He's quite a recluse so he's happy to stay in at the wkend. He works in London so I think he needs to chill at wkend I know the tube gets him down . BUT he needs to get these kids out the house, it's been gorgeous today,it annoys me he doesn't think "I'm get the kids and take them the park" I know where I'd rather be.
I'm rambling now :-(
It sounds like you both need to find a way to have downtime at the weekends. That's quite normal. You have literally not a moment to yourself at the moment, it sounds like. So you bloody need a break for a few hours - not to clean but just to sit down and know you haven't got to get up at any moment to tend to this or that. Equally if he's working hard, with a long and stressful commute, he needs time when he can get some peace and quiet.
So the conversation needs to be about how you take turns at weekends. And why not consider nursery for the younger child one morning a week so you get a bit of a breather during the week?
have you got anyone else who can help, or can you put your littlest in a playpen in front of a dvd for an hour to do certain jobs while eldest is at nursery?
If your dp doesnt want to do cleaning then he does need to at least take the kids out for a bit, although sometimes with young children, you might need to just lower your standards
TBH for me visiting the park with children on my own is a bore. I hate it. I am happy to go with DH or meet a friend there, but for me doing outings on my own is hard (which may just be because I am the main carer so I do it on my own most of the time anyway!)
I think maybe you need to work out a rough plan for weekends, that's what we've done, and I know some of my other friends do too - things like Sunday being her lie in day while Saturday is his etc. We also live in a country where ALL shops and most other things are closed on a Sunday so we have needed to plan around that, so we're sort of aware that we need to clean at some point in a weekend, we need to check for food needed on Sunday and make sure we do any shopping required for Sunday's activities on a Friday.
Work out what you both want/need (and what the children need) from a weekend (family time, downtime, support with X, etc) and see if you can make it all happen without leaving parts out. It sounds like maybe he is just exhausted from his working week and can't think past "I need to rest now". But you could get a system going where the time taken to quickly go round and catch up on chores doesn't take too long and then you have time for family outings or slobbing around at home or whatever you want
Youngest is 16 months she's going into full leg casts on Wednesday for muscle problem , she's not waking yet. I havnt put her in nursery because of her not walking . I feel like she's at a disadvantage at the moment. They go to my gym crèche 2 hours a week so I can work out. So even the that's me time. It's sweating it out me time. I really just want a house blitz once a week. Clean house , clean mind. Believe me my standards are lowered . We do not live in a show home. Far far from. We had a cleaner for dc2 1st year. I just felt I could do it myself once she was sleeping through. Also it's all money. Like today he took them upstairs for and hour while I hoovered and mopped the downstairs . The job got done but I could hear them upstairs and couldn't switch off from the noise. We live near gorgeous Forrest .
Il start a conversation with him but he gets so bloody defensive it's hard work x
put loud music on if you can hear them
That's what's funny , I really want to put my crappy tv programmes on that I don't tell dp I watch because I'm embarrassed myself that I watch them lol
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