Things you don't say to a woman with a new baby

(238 Posts)
IShallCallYouSquishy Sat 01-Mar-14 13:26:00

I have a 21month DD and a newborn DS. DH runs his own company so had to go back to work on Tuesday so been a tough few days. A couple of corkers today made me wonder what gems other people have had said to them. Mine so far....

DMum the day after I had DS: oh DD probably thinks the baby is still in there (looking at my stomach)

DFIL today (DS is 8 days old):you look tired

DH today: you know you had a little sleep this morning and i took DD out, I was thinking of going out on my bike if it stays sunny. (I had about 3 hours sleep due to BFing DS most the night!)

Yes ok, my hormones are a bit all over the place but surely none of the above are acceptable!

SundaySimmons Sat 01-Mar-14 13:30:32


The middle comment about you're looking tired is a bit stating the obvious but doesn't sound malicious.

The first comment just sounds a bit dim but well meaning.

The last comment I can't see a problem. He works and wants to have a bike ride as a bit of a relax and 'me' time. Why would you resent him that?

gamerchick Sat 01-Mar-14 13:33:12

as unreasonable as it sounds.. at 8 days post natal and my bloke tried to trade the little sleep and little 'break' i'd had for some play time for himself.. I would have been tempted to introduce pliers to his knackers.

FrigginRexManningDay Sat 01-Mar-14 13:34:52

Me time has to go on the back burner with a newborn I'm afraid. He can go out for a walk with the DC whilst the OP sleeps.

InCiderMind Sat 01-Mar-14 13:36:38

I didn't bring you chocolate as I know you're itching to lose that baby weight.

SunnyRandall Sat 01-Mar-14 13:37:03

I'd say good idea re bike ride only if there is a seat for the toddler to go too.

VeggySausage Sat 01-Mar-14 13:41:13

Oh op, the martyrs will be out in full force about how dare you think your DH doesn't deserve some "me" time!

FIL might have meant it sympathetically...hard to judge tone on here...your mum was definitely unreasonable!

redcaryellowcar Sat 01-Mar-14 13:42:46

ds is newborn too and born at 9lb 4oz and people keep saying 'he's enormous, not really a newborn' its driving me nuts as he is My newborn.
dh also keeps telling people who call how quick and easy the labour was, sure he can say quick, i feel its more my place to judge ease!!

diddl Sat 01-Mar-14 13:43:39

He needs to get a trailer/seat so that he can take your daughter as well.

If he does go it shouldn't be for to long.

VeggySausage Sat 01-Mar-14 13:45:41

I third the trailer/ or the seat on back of the bike. He can get out all he wants then

cafesociety Sat 01-Mar-14 13:46:16

'Never mind maybe you can have a little boy/girl next time' !

hardbeingme Sat 01-Mar-14 13:50:59

'don't feel bad about the mess, its only us visiting'

mil visiting when non sleeping dd was about five days old...

'When's it due?'

Yes - I had that.

What are your plans for the weekend?

Ha fucking ha. I have no plans for the next 4 weeks beyond breast feeding, bouncing walking in circles and trying to get sleep.

NorbertDentressangle Sat 01-Mar-14 14:02:29

"are they sleeping through yet?"
"are they a good baby?" (I never quite understood what that meant. I mean neither of mine were out nicking cars or shoplifting as newborns so I guess they were good babies confused)
"I think s/he might be hungry/need a nappy change/need winding/too hot/too cold" -people might mean well but sometimes you can just have a grouchy baby who cries a lot <she says looking at DD who was a very"high maintenance" baby>

cobaltcow Sat 01-Mar-14 14:03:47

"You not had it yet then?" As husband was lagging way behind with new baby and pram.

Nousernameforme Sat 01-Mar-14 14:04:07

My newborn is 18 days old can i still call him a newborn?
Comments I've had from ds who is 10, "You know it's weird your still the same size as when he was in there" pointedly looking at my belly, cheers mate
From Sil "Are all your bits back to normal yet?" confused She meant hips I've had some bad pelvic pain following the birth.
From DP I'm just popping out for a cig (you can't just pop out as you can't go near baby for an hour afterwards meaning everytime you have one I'm on my own for an hour)
No at 8 days in with a toddler and newborn just because you can cope or others have had to doesn't mean you should have to if there is a choice in it. His bike will still be there next week or the week after when you are feeling a bit more normal and feeding has settled a bit.

IShallCallYouSquishy Sat 01-Mar-14 14:04:21

Jeez Sunday, is a woman who's 8days post birth not allowed to be a bit hormonal after 3 hours sleep plus a 30 min nap?! Plus DH's bike isn't the type you'd put a toddler seat on! Super expensive type thing that's his other baby smile

And I don't resent my DH one bit, just I'd been looking after a toddler and and trying to establish BFing all week and was hoping for a bit of assistance from their other parent. You will be pleased to know I was a good wife and cleaned the bathroom just now though hmm

For all the others, thanks for joining in with your stories!

Happydaze77 Sat 01-Mar-14 14:07:11

I really didn't appreciate comments and speculation about the state of my post partum body:

"9lb 6oz? ooh, you'll never be the same again", "Did you have to have stitches?", "have you got piles?"

It seems the indignity of childbirth doesn't end when the baby's born. (or am I just a prude?)

Paintyfingers Sat 01-Mar-14 14:10:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VeggySausage Sat 01-Mar-14 14:10:53


Eciggs? Or a patch or gum just to tide him over while baby is awake? If he did it only half the time even.

I'd lose it tbh.

Paintyfingers Sat 01-Mar-14 14:11:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

80sMum Sat 01-Mar-14 14:11:40

After DS (my first DC) was born, the midwife came to check on me when I came home from hospital. She needed to check my tummy. So there I was, a first-time mum aged 22, feeling a bit shell-shocked and in need of some tlc and a good night's sleep - and what nugget of advice did the midwife offer?? She looked at my poor wrinkled, crinkled saggy tummy and said "Well! No more bikinis for you now, my dear!" I could quite happily have punched her (if I hadn't been fighting back tears).
She was, of course, right but it wasn't what I needed to hear!

Nancy66 Sat 01-Mar-14 14:12:17

"I was going to bring chocolates but thought you'd probably be on a diet"

NiceOneCenturion Sat 01-Mar-14 14:12:26

My dad, when my DD was 3 days old, asked me how I was and I answered that I was feeling a little better but still incredibly sore and finding it painful to get around (bad spd requiring crutches throughout and after pregnancy)

"You should ask Victoria Beckham how she does it"

Another was a few weeks later, when I was still struggling to walk for the same reason

"Oh I thought it was because your jeans are still too tight"

He loves me really.

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