I really yelled at my DS tonight and I really scared him

(35 Posts)
Guiltstricken Wed 26-Feb-14 22:28:34

I'm so unwell and have been under the weather for a few days, I'm also 38+3 weeks pregnant and very stressed. I moved many miles away from family due to DH's job and have felt so alone here. I know no one and have little energy to go out and meet people (where do I even start?)

Anyway, today was a good day. DS and I spent most of it cuddling in bed watching his favourite shows and playing together but it all went downhill at bedtime. I was. looking forward to his bedtime as this meant that I could sleep too but he kept coming out of his bed.. I'd put him back and the same would happen. I called DH to find out where he was to find that he was on the train about half an hour away. I felt like crying at the prospect of another night of battling with DS over bedtime.

Anyway, I screamed down the phone that "I've fucking had enough!!" and DS cries at the top of the stairs to which I yelled "Go to bed!" in the ugliest voice I've ever heard. I really yelled/screamed. He refused and tried to come downstairs but I took him to his room, and shut the door. Cue him trying to open it for 5 minutes screaming while I was on the other side slumped down sobbing.

I went to bed and he got in my bed, cuddled me and fell asleep. I almost dies from guilt!! I tried waking him up to apologize but he's out for the night. My poor boy!

I don't know how I'll cope with baby number 2! I'm lonely here, DS is the only company I have all day when he's not at nursery and DH doesn't seem to understand how miserable I am "Just get on with it, you're a mother and wife.. you can't always run to your mum for help. deal with it"... I felt this close to running out of the house and in to the traffic just so I can have eternal rest.

I'm a terrible mother. DS deserves better, he's only 3. He just wanted mummy to hold his hand to sleep and I couldn't do that because I want to sleep? Now I'm sure he's scared of me.

I hope I don't wake up tomorrow!

firstpost Wed 26-Feb-14 22:36:08

I would give yourself a break. You had a bad day but your ds will still love you tomorrow. smile Parenting is hard and none of us get it right all the time.

HumphreyCobbler Wed 26-Feb-14 22:36:26

You will cope. He is not scared of you. I have done this, many many mothers have done this.

Honestly, one outburst does not make your child scared of you. You are heavily pregnant and at the end of your tether. It is a lot easier being the parent of a newborn and three year old than being pregnant with a three year old.

HumphreyCobbler Wed 26-Feb-14 22:37:10

Your DH sounds spectacularly useless. Is he always so unsympathetic? You deserve a bit more support tbh

HumphreyCobbler Wed 26-Feb-14 22:38:31

Actually, any chance you could get your Mum to come and stay? It sounds to me like you really need some support right now.

Guiltstricken Wed 26-Feb-14 22:47:28

Humphrey my mum will hopefully be coming soon.

DH and I argued two days ago due to his lack of support because he seems to believe that since it's my role, I should suck it up.

He's in a bad mood downstairs because I didn't have his dinner ready for when he got in.

I don't want to tell my mum because I'm always "crawling back to her"(DH's words) when the going gets tough.

I'll make it up to DS tomorrow and apologize until the cows come home.

Blueblackdye Wed 26-Feb-14 22:48:18

OP you are not a horrible mum, you just had a bad day, DS will wake up tomorrow and won't remember. He gets lots of love from you, 1 outburst is not the end of the world, there will unfortunately be others. 3yo is hard work still, not to mention you are heavily pg, try to rest as much as you can, nap with DS if he still does, chores can/will wait, treasure these last weeks of you and him only together.
We are here to hold your hand if you feel lonely, come and rant smile
So sorry you feel so down.

ICantFindAFreeNickName Wed 26-Feb-14 22:49:28

Give yourself a break. I'm pretty sure most parents have shouted at their children at some stage. Maybe just say sorry to your son tomorrow and explain that you were tired and give him some extra cuddles. he might be too young to understand but who might.
If you are that tired again, I would suggest just getting into bed with your son so that you can both sleep, although you don't want it to become a habit.
You need more support, especially when the baby is born. Will anyone such as parents be visiting to help you out?
I would suggest trying some mother and toddler groups to try and meet some new people, so that you don't feel so alone. Or if you find them tricky, some toddler classes such as tumble tots, swimmng etc.

You are never alone on mumsnet anyway, as there will always be people to talk to.

Darling. Your DS will not be scared of you. You are exhausted with no support network. You DH sounds like an arse which will make you feel worse.

I think I would get up in the morning, call your midwife if you still feel so down. If you're still tired go home to your parents. I bet you feel better the moment you're out of such a negative and critical environment.

isitsnowingyet Wed 26-Feb-14 22:51:09

flowers hard work, please don't be too hard on yourself. We all mess up sometimes.

NoraRobertsismyguiltypleasure Wed 26-Feb-14 22:51:37

Why are there so many 'd'h's on here at the moment who expect their dinner on the table when they get home - Have we been zapped into the 1950's?
Your 'd'h sounds like an unsupportive idiot and who doesn't deserve you. If your Mum is able to give you support then take it and sod your husband.

Quangle Wed 26-Feb-14 22:52:37

poor you OP. But I'd go as far as to say almost every mother has done this. I know have. I shrieked at my DD when she wouldn't let me wash her hair, aged 2. It's no coincidence that I was also pg at the time...It's bloody tough and your DH is being an idiot, to be frank. You need his support and attention, not this dismissive attitude.

You sound very down but there are many, many threads on here with titles like "anyone else failing as a mother?" and "am I the only one who can't cope" and the answer is always "no, we all feel the same sometimes".

Please remember you are very loved and needed. Your little boy loves you very dearly. I suspect you need to go and talk to your GP so that you can get some help and support.

gamerchick Wed 26-Feb-14 22:53:36

at the risk of being hunted down and flayed.

Why did you think that your youngling would go to bed fine after being in bed all day practically?

our bairns need to burn off a lot of energy and even though I understand who you're feeling.. you have a little bundle of energy there that needs to be sorted out during the day.

Time to delegate.. spending the day watching the box is fine for you.. it is not for your bairn and then expect them to go to bed on a night.

Goblinchild Wed 26-Feb-14 22:56:21

I didn't go crawling back to my mother when pregnat because I didn't need to. I married a man who was my partner, who loved me and who tried to support me when I found things hard.
It's not you that is the inadequate one here.
Is there no one who would be able and willing to give your OH a kick up the arse, anyone he would listen to?

MyMILisfromHELL Wed 26-Feb-14 22:56:28

Your dh sounds like a bit of a Dick tbh.

Why is caring for your ds exclusively your role?

'Crawling back' just Wtf is that meant to mean?

You're about to pop & your h is being an insensitive prick! Why taf should dinner be waiting on the table for him? You are not his servant. Cook dinner for him by all means but have it freshly cooked, served & table set? Good grief!

You have my sympathy.

Goblinchild Wed 26-Feb-14 22:58:14

gamerchick, if the OP is anything like the size and waddle I was before birth, she's not up to an exciting day of wildness.
That's when you hand over the bundle of joy to a friend, neighbour or passing teenager and say 'Run them ragged please'
But the OP seems to have no one.

Guiltstricken Wed 26-Feb-14 22:58:38

You're probably right gamer. I was just do exhausted by 4 that I had to lie down and he wanted to lie down with me.. I used that time to rest and he seemed fine playing by himself for a while.

we've only just moved to this town and he's not used to being in his own room (we had a 1 bed flat so he and I always shared) so he requires his hand to be held so that he can sleep. I usually oblige but tonight I just wanted to sleep because I felt like death. Well, I'm wide awake now so that adds to my guilt.

Goblinchild Wed 26-Feb-14 23:01:00

Enough with the guilt, it's not yours.
DS won't be traumatised in the slightest, you cuddled him and made him feel loved,
Your OH needs to either learn to cook for all of you, or you need to order take away for a few weeks.

Guiltstricken Wed 26-Feb-14 23:02:28

MyMILisfromHELL it's his culture and religion.

I've had proverbs 31(I think) read to me by my MIL on how to be the perfect wife. Needless to say, she and I do not get on.

DH can be supportive but he doesn't understand how hard it is for me to be pregnant with a demanding toddler because I'm "at home all day. How hard can it be?"

MacBee Wed 26-Feb-14 23:03:00

You sound like a lovely mum, albeit one who reached the end of her tether, completely understandably.

Your husband on the other hand sounds like a knob. Sorry.

cafecito Wed 26-Feb-14 23:03:53

don't worry OP I have yelled at my 3 year old and completely lost it when totally at the end of my tether. I have apologised but usually he has pushed me to my very very limits when I am utterly exhausted. He's not scared of me. It feels horrible though doesn't it.

Try and get some rest now though or tomorrow will be worse!

Best parenting advice I was ever given was.... treat him like a pet dog, make sure he's fed and always has a run around - can you go to a park or somewhere where you can sit down on a bench and he can charge about with minimal input from you? scooter? something like that might help keep you sane

also - bedtime routine in check? I have taken to setting a bedtime alarm....

Guiltstricken Wed 26-Feb-14 23:04:31

Goblin hopefully!! I really yelled though that's why I feel so bad.

Hopefully I'll have more energy tomorrow and we can do something fun for him.

Guiltstricken Wed 26-Feb-14 23:06:27

cafecito I kid you not when I say that there aren't any parks near me at all. I've looked on Google, asked neighbours and nothing. We live on a busy road with a lot of traffic lights do going for a walk is stressful.

There's nothing to do around here at all

plantsitter Wed 26-Feb-14 23:06:42

My 3 yr old is driving me insane at the moment and I'm not pregnant and my husband would never in a billion years talk to me like that if he wanted to keep his balls.

Don't beat yourself up. It's not ideal but our kids are allowed to see us being human.

gamerchick Wed 26-Feb-14 23:09:27

that's what I mean by delegate. Let somebody else wear them out. Spending all day in bed might seem champion at the time.. but it does not make for a good bedtime.

OP its not a question of what you're doing.. it's getting your bloke to step up more.. he sounds like a bit of a dickhead tbh.

Can you give your bairn to the MIL for a bit.. she can read bibles to her hearts content then.

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