DS horrible i am at whit's end - only around dp

[patsypancake]

Ds is very well behaved generally, kind , co-operative , intuitive etc!!

When he is around Dp he is a complete demon !!
he is rude , spiteful, will have a tantrum before we have even finished a sentence , hyper and rough and generally attention seeking

there is reason for this as he has had a lot of change in the past year , we have had a new baby- DD now 5 months - we have moved house and Dp is working around the clock to provide not to mention our relationship is now quite strained to say the least .

Before I fell pregnant with DD it was just the 3 of us we lived at my mums (so 4 of us ) and Dp's hours were very flexible he could pretty much come and go as he pleased and worked most days 6-2 so was with us all the time .

I really don't know how to handle his behaviour now ,like I said when it is just me him and DD he is good as gold ! but its just around Dp and sometime other men eg my dad.
we are struggling to stay consistent because we are unsure if we r doing the correct thing ?

the past 3 days he had a full blown tantrum every night I have sent him to his room for a "time out to calm down " this usually works well he will play with something and then say I am calm now and I will as ask him to come back and we hug.

the past 3 nights he has screamed hysterically for 1hour and kept coming into living room , banging on the door and walls.

I really don't know what to do now I have done the parenting puzzle but don't remember a lot of it I am going to do it again but at the moment I cant leave DD for a second as she is BF and wont take a bottle and the only PP courses are miles away

in much need of advice please ?

[LastingLight]

How old is ds?

[patsypancake]

3.3yrs

[LastingLight]

He seems to be battling with all the changes in his life. How does he behave when it's just him and dp? Would it maybe help if dp spends some time alone with him when gets home, playing or reading? Was the hysterical screaming at bedtime?

[patsypancake]

tantrums have been 3 days in a row but has had others over the past few months at different times but last night was before dinner but they are at no particular time in general bjut only when dp is home ..

he is slightly better when its just the two of them but I wouldn't say well behaved !

Dp spends a lot of time playing in the evening and explains to him when he gets in that he will just be getting a drink and getting changed then they can play

[LastingLight]

I wonder if he gets so worked up that he finds it impossible to calm himself down again. In general I agree with your approach of sending him to his room until he calms down. If the long tantrums continue, maybe try holding him? You don't want to reward tantrums with attention but he may need help to get back in control.

[MadIsTheNewNormal]

Is your DP his father?

[patsypancake]

yes dp is dad to both .. that's what I feel that he has become so worked up he cant calm down but didn't want to reward the behaviour and want him to understand the concept of the time out to calm down ... he usually understands everything I explain to him but he doesn't seem to get that he needs to be quiet for 2 mins and I don't know how else to explain it .

[Haggisfish]

Can DP spend time with him before he goes to work - I think DS wants some one on one time with DP, but is too tired to appreciate it in he evening - same thing happened with us and DP and DD. Also, DP took a week's holiday to really spend a lot of time with her, which helped.

[patsypancake]

there isn't really enough time in the morning as ds gets up at 6 and dp leaves at 6 , if not before than ! on the days where he is off (rarely) or strarts work later he always gets up with ds I stay in bed until dd wakes and will always play before work when he can .. they do do this probably a few times a week.....

we do have a holiday coming up so I hope this helps but fear as soon as we are back it will all go back again

last night when we hear dp come through the front door I made ds sit down with me instead of running up to him and asked him to wait while dad got a drink and got changed then they would have time to play for an hour . this seemed to work really well I think it kept him a bit calmer rather than running up to him and getting over exited .. they mades robots for an hour while I made dinner .

but I fear this only worked because dd was good and let me cook dinner and I didn't need dp help with her as usual