Is it normal for me to feel this way when you have a newborn?

(27 Posts)
Slh122 Thu 23-Jan-14 21:50:58

DS was born on Tuesday after an incredibly quick labour - I didn't even have time to really register that I was about to have a baby before he was here. He was born at 38+5 and I would have been 39 weeks today. I feel sort of sad that the excitement of the baby being about to arrive is now over, even though I absolutely hated being pregnant.
I am completely in love with him and can't believe how perfect he is. Last night though it was really difficult to get him to settle and I just remember thinking 'I want to go back to being pregnant and I want my old life back'. The second I looked at DS though I felt insanely guilty for ever thinking that.
Then today I've been feeling really sad whenever I think about him growing up and I just want him to stay being my tiny baby forever. I keep thinking about that magical moment we met him for the first time and I get upset thinking that that moment has gone 'forever'. I know I sound pathetic! And now I'm panicking like mad about whether he's feeding enough, sleeping enough, is breathing too fast. I'm too scared to go to sleep in case he stops breathing.
I feel like I've gone crazy. Part of me is terrified and wants my old life back and the other part of me can't believe how much I love him and that he's finally here at last. I feel like crying everytime I look at him. Is this normal or am I actually going crazy?

Teladi Thu 23-Jan-14 21:54:16

Welcome to motherhood! This is absolutely, completely, totally normal. You are currently filled with hormones-a-go-go!

Chopsypie Thu 23-Jan-14 21:55:24

I don't want to dismiss your feelings, but days 3-6 post natal are notorious for a hormone crash!

Smartiepants79 Thu 23-Jan-14 21:56:46

Normal. Welcome to motherhood!
Congratulations on your lovely new baby. These anxieties will settle down over the next few days and weeks but you'll never stop worrying.
Remember you are very hormonal so your emotions are heightened and all over the place. But the moments of wishing you were back in your old life will happen, so will the guilt!
Enjoy and try and treasure the baby days.

Slh122 Thu 23-Jan-14 21:57:08

Thank god it's not just me! I was starting to worry that it meant I was a bad mum.

mamalovebird Thu 23-Jan-14 21:59:47

Totally normal! You'll feel like that lots more times along this new adventure (although probably without the hormonal rises and crashes). Welcome to parenthood.

Oh and congratulations on your gorgeous new baby.

Wolfiefan Thu 23-Jan-14 21:59:53

No it means you are a totally normal one!

callamia Thu 23-Jan-14 22:00:41

All that worrying - that's not a bad mum thing smile
It's entirely terrifying and overwhelming, and I know just what you mean. You sound quite normal, but be kind to yourself and congratulations!

PumpkinPie2013 Thu 23-Jan-14 22:04:37

Congratulations on your ds!

I had my ds 8 weeks ago, on time by EMCS.

I felt lots of the things you are feeling too - in fact I felt like I'd been hit by a train for about 3 weeks smile

It's all completely normal due to the huge change and all of the hormones.

I too was scared to sleep in case he stopped breathing - it's a very common fear! Gradually I've started to relax and now sleep much better when he does (though I still occassionally lie in bed listening to him breathe smile)

You may feel more tearful over the next few days - day 5 was the hardest for me but it should pass soon.

Do you have support at home? A partner? Maybe your mum or a friend can also support you?

Don't be afraid to share your feelings with your midwife either.

I honestly found it really hard at first even though I love my ds to pieces but now I'm alot more confident with him, feel more organised with feeding/changing/dressing/playing and love taking him out and about so I can honestly say it gets easier.

A few weeks ago ds started smiling and now smiles loads which is the best thing. Your little boy will get there too and I promise it's great.

For now, just enjoy the cuddles, don't worry about the housework and be kind to yourself xx

bonzo77 Thu 23-Jan-14 22:05:41

Normal. I keep getting upset that my 3.10 yo DS1 is going to be 4 and won't be 3. And that 13 month old DS2 can now crawl and isn't a "proper" baby any more. And if I don't have another baby there won't be any more night time feeds. And I found some tiny size 0 nappies in the drawer and I felt wistful for when DS2 was a puny little 5 lb.

Slh122 Thu 23-Jan-14 22:08:52

Thank you so much everyone - really nice to know it's not just me being weird!
Lots of support thank god - DP is brilliant. Seeing him fall in love with our little boy has made me love him so much more than I even thought was possible. He's at home for 2 weeks then my mum is going to come help for a while and then MIL will. My grandparents are fairly young and are nearby so I know I can always ask them for help as well if I'm struggling when he goes back to work.

cupcake78 Thu 23-Jan-14 22:11:18

Sorry to tell you your just average but you are wink.

Congratulations, welcome and never underestimate the madness that is motherhood thanks

MayimBialik Thu 23-Jan-14 22:11:31

Totally normal! My DS was 2 weeks overdue and I was DESPERATE to give birth by the end. As soon as I did and I realised how difficult it all was I pined for my old life and wished I could be pregnant again and missed my bump. Sleep deprivation, hormones all over the place and a HUGE culture shock all contributed to this. Gets easier each day and it starts to feel normal again after a bit smile

Steffanoid Thu 23-Jan-14 22:12:23

as pp have said totally normal and you're smack bang in the middle of your hormones making fun of you. I felt so resentful because when Ds was 3 days old it was my birthday and everyone that came round just wanted cuddles with him and then I remembered cuddles with him are my new favourite things

Teladi Thu 23-Jan-14 22:15:26

I hope I didn't sound too flippant. It is a terrible shock adjusting to motherhood, you sound like you are doing very well! I'm glad you've got people to help you, be sure to try and get some rest. I remember crying and thinking I would never sleep again about day 5. I did, once I realised that DD wouldn't die if I slept… it took a while. Congratulations again!

shallweshop Thu 23-Jan-14 22:16:45

Congratulations on the birth of your son. You have put into words exactly how I felt when I had my DD. I had had 4 miscarriages before her and really didnt believe I was going to be a mum until i held her in my arms. I think it was a case of post-natal shock for me. I was totally unprepared for the tidal wave of feelings towards her - love like I had never known before, huge anxiety about whether or not she was ok, the weight of responsibility on my shoulders and a yearning for my simple, uncomplicated life when it was just me and DH. The latter feeling didn't last long and I know was just due to the sudden adjustment to becoming a family.

Nothing can prepare you for becoming a mum and I think everything you are feeling is normal. But having my children is, without doubt, the best thing i have ever done smile. It was much easier with DS as I didnt have that same sense of shock.

PoshPaula Thu 23-Jan-14 22:16:56

Welcome to being a mother. What a bloody roller coaster ride it is. Still glad I'm on it though.... And you will be too!

Mondaybaby Thu 23-Jan-14 22:23:08

Normal. Totally normal.
It is impossible to prepare for all the thoughts and emotions that whirl around inside you just after you have had a baby. You are awash with hormones going up and down and you are tired and you are a bit in shock from becoming a mother.
Just try to take things easy. And like another poster has said, don't be worried about talking to your midwife or HV about how you feel. They are good at listening. They will not think you are crazy.
Congratulations and enjoy every moment.

violator Thu 23-Jan-14 22:29:23

Oh so normal!
DS was 3 weeks old and I brought him out in his fancy new pram for a walk along the same route I'd walked when I was pregnant.
And I thought 'oh I wish I was still pregnant and could do this walk and go home and then get into bed for a snooze."

It's massively shocking!

Melonbreath Thu 23-Jan-14 22:29:55

Normal. And crazy. Babies are nuts. 13 month old dd has just insisted on going to sleep clutching an empty shampoo bottle. and I now cry at Disney films

mad.

GlitzAndGiggles Thu 23-Jan-14 22:31:54

Congratulations on your newborn smile it took ages for it to register that I actually have a baby! Nearly 3 years later I couldn't be happier to be a mum. When that little person calls you mum and tells you they love you it makes it all worthwhile

QTPie Fri 24-Jan-14 09:23:01

Hi

COMPLETELY normal smile

Congratulations.

You have a newborn, a massive new responsibility (daunting), a complete change in lifestyle (at least for now, that will change!) and a tonne of hormones racing around your body (which make everything 100 times worse).

At 2/3 weeks I thought my life was over and cried. It wasn't. I got DS into a (baby led) routine (so we both knew where we were). I started getting out: once every morning for a walk together and then getting out to shops and to see other people in our NCT group (visited each other's houses). At 7 weeks I was back in the gym/pool (kept fit during pregnancy, but did have a C Section) and built up from there. Building a new life with baby (postnatal yoga, water babies, baby sensory, new mummy friends, walks etc) and getting some of the old me back too (gym, pool, more sleep, going to the cinema with DH whilst grandparents babysat).

DS is 4 tomorrow and things are fab.

Take every day as it comes and enjoy as much as you can: try not to worry about what "might be" (since it is incredibly unlikely to happen), but enjoy every smile and cuddle. The bad things (sleep deprivation etc) won't last that long.

Babies don't come with a manual - it is daunting. But you will, very quickly, get to know your own baby (when they are hungry and tired etc). However, I am a strong believer that babies/children are a combination if nature and nurture: you can meet their needs (by listening to them) whilst also helping to "show them the way". For example a cry in the night doesn't always mean "feed me": sometimes it is a "I tired - want to get back to sleep" grizzle - one you feed, the other you resettle in other ways.

Good luck.

Pigeonhouse Fri 24-Jan-14 14:43:31

I was howling like a banshee at the same stage post-birth and mourning my old pre-mother self. Don't worry about your feelings. They are natural. You will always be saying goodbye to a baby stage every day, but the wonderful thing is that the next bit is also extremely wonderful. My son is heading for 2 and astonishes me on a daily basis!

Congratulations!

SpoonfulOfJam Fri 24-Jan-14 17:29:50

Wow, that's exactly what I felt and thought several times during the early days. 3 months in I'm having a great time. Yeah, still the odd moment when I miss my old life, but it passes. Meeting my baby was incredible, I felt desperate to go back to that moment while not enjoying the newborn smile. Now I have several wonderful moments every day when my baby smiles at me. Hang in there, go with the flow and before you know it, your hormones will have settled down and you'll be having a great time with your lovely new baby.

SpoonfulOfJam Fri 24-Jan-14 17:30:49

Newborn stage, that should read. Got my baby's smile on my mind!

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