Checking on 3 year olds before you go to bed.

(151 Posts)
Bedsheets4knickers Mon 20-Jan-14 20:57:04

In the wake of the tragic case of Mikaeel Kular. Before he was found so many people were saying. "Why did the mother not check on him before she went to bed"
My son is 3 I don't check on him before I go to bed.
Should I be doing so???
It's really knocked me that so many people were so shocked and I've never given it a second thought.
Out daughter is still on a baby monitor she's 1.
I feel like I've neglected him.
Do you all check on your kids before you go to bed.??
What age should I be doing this until??

TheGreatHunt Mon 20-Jan-14 21:05:29

Yes I check. I learnt that both have light sleeping stages at around 10pm so avoid that.
I do love looking at my sleeping beasties.

I've never checked mine. Too worried I'd wake him up!

Occasionally I will wake randomly in the night and check him then, or get a random urge to but not other than that.

CatAmongThePigeons Mon 20-Jan-14 21:05:55

I always check on my DC, even DSS who is 10 gets a check. It's lovely (and occasionally funny) to see them asleep

Dumpylump Mon 20-Jan-14 21:05:57

My ds's are 16 and 13 and I still look in on them every night before I go to bed! It's not for them....it's for me. Of course, more often than not, they're still awake, reading or listening to their iPod with headphones. I always go in, give them a hug and a kiss and say goodnight.
I've found that this is quite often the time when one or other of them will start a conversation about something that's bothering them, and I'll lie on the bed with them and we'll have a chat.
I cherish that time, I really do. [soppy]

What are we supposed to be checking for? <feels negligent>

JingleJoo Mon 20-Jan-14 21:06:23

BTW I remember asking my mum to stop doing it when I was 18 as it was disturbing my sleep :-)

MrsBungle Mon 20-Jan-14 21:06:41

I always check on both of mine (4 and 19 months) before I go to bed. I like to check they are ok, tucked in etc.

MrsKCastle Mon 20-Jan-14 21:07:04

Mine are 2 and 5 and I only check if there's a particular reason, like illness or I've had a glass of wine and am feeling all sentimental

Callistone Mon 20-Jan-14 21:07:27

I always check on the 2yo, but more because I checked on her as a baby and it's just habit now. Tuck the duvet in again and that, check her temperature as she runs warm at night pfb. But there's not really any reason for it, as we have the monitor on after she's gone to bed.

TheDayOfMyDoctor Mon 20-Jan-14 21:07:29

DS is five and I check on him every night. What occurred to me as a result of this awful tragedy, is that a key isn't required to unlock our door from the inside and DS could, if he was inclined to, open our front door in the night. It's made me think about adding an additional lock or bolt higher up.

Procrastinating Mon 20-Jan-14 21:07:46

I check on mine, aged 4, 7, 8. If I wake up in the night I go an check on them again. I think I'm checking that my chicks are safely gathered in, I tend to check more often if it is windy. No idea why.

stickysausages Mon 20-Jan-14 21:08:04

Ours is 5 & I do, he kicks the covers off, so I tuck him in again & kiss hiss head smile

DD is 4 and I don't check her. She is s light sleeper and if she wakes she rocks, banging her head on the head board and chants to get back to sleep.
Just remember this little boy did NOT go missing in the middle of the night, that was a complete fabrication. Be honest, how many children DO go missing in the middle of the night. Yes something else COULD happen in the night but highly unlikely. You are not a bad mum.

LydiaLunches Mon 20-Jan-14 21:10:02

I thought the same when I saw those comments, I don't routinely check, DD3 still wakes in the night at some point more than half the time but I am never worried about her. I retire very early sometimes dues to shift working so she certainly wouldn't get checked between my bedtime and her waking would she?

nf1morethanjustlumpsandbumps Mon 20-Jan-14 21:10:43

I do with DS. DM did with me too and I was 24 when I left home.

baggyb Mon 20-Jan-14 21:10:49

When I moved out at 23 my dad would still pop his head in to check on me. ��

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 20-Jan-14 21:11:31

I dont check on DD because I am so unPFB that.mwr have a monitor. (She is 7)

To be fair though we have it because if she cries too much it becomes a meltdown which is a nightmare.

getagoldtoof Mon 20-Jan-14 21:11:44

It's my bedtime treat, so yes, totally for me and not for safety. My 2 year old is just so much easier to soak up when he is sleeping!

SlightlyDampWellies Mon 20-Jan-14 21:11:45

I check mine, and usually wake up a few times at night and check again. Usually that they are still breathing. That the door is shut and so the cat has not settled on their heads (we have one cat who likes to sleep on faces- terrifies me..... 18 months or so ago I was on a work trip abroad and I kept ringing DH to go and check the cat was not in their rooms. )

I may well be paranoid, but it makes me feel better. I recall the first time our pfb slept through until after 7. DH and I woke up. 'Did you get up?' I asked. 'No, did you?' 'No'. We then sat bolt upright in terror, then heard her stir and lay down again with relief.

lilyaldrin Mon 20-Jan-14 21:13:07

I always check on my 3 year old, just to make sure he's not too hot/has his teddy/covers aren't twisted and he's still breathing

Since this case I have started taking the front door key out of the door at night and putting it out of reach too.

I don't think of it as "checking on them". It's more "tiptoeing in and gazing at them goofily with a stupid lump in the old throat"

I never love them more than when they are sleeping. Such innocence and sweetness.

It's my favourite time of day.

livenlet Mon 20-Jan-14 21:15:33

I cheak on mine 5and1 before I go to bed and wenevere I wake up in the night so does my partner they often need covering bake up I also poke them sometimes if I cant hear them breathing

joanofarchitrave Mon 20-Jan-14 21:15:48

Have never done it routinely. Occasionally on the way to my own bed, but sometimes because I feel I ought to want to, rather than from any feeling that I need to. Asleep = job done for the mo, as far as I'm concerned.

My impression is that nobody should alter their parenting based on this case.

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 20-Jan-14 21:16:08

I always check, a couple of hours after they've gone to bed and again when I go to bed.

I'm not worried about them having been kidnapped or wandered off though. I'm checking for contraband (anything that could be uncomfortable or dangerous e.g. a necklace, a pine cone, a fork etc.), that they're in their beds and haven't made a camp on the floor, that their rooms are not too hot/cold, they're under the duvet, they're not hanging out the bed, they haven't been sick etc. etc.

They're all really heavy sleepers though.

Pickles79 Mon 20-Jan-14 21:16:15

Mine are 12 and 10. I check on them every time I go to the toilet and before I go to bed. Always have, always will.

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