crazy to consider it??? Another child after 7 year gap?

(35 Posts)
Sa88yt1ts Mon 20-Jan-14 15:02:20

My dc are 9 and very nearly 7. They are the best thing in the world. I adore them, I love being their mum, I love sharing their lives with my very treasured dh......but I kind of want another.

Real head and heart time. We always wanted 3 and then it didn't happen. I had a partial prolapse following second birth (didn't need opearting, but was very uncomfortable and very challenging emotionally), our marriage felt scarily frail for a while (first and last time that's ever happened) and we were just beyond knackered. So it never happened. And I have spent the last 3 or 4 years saying 'you know what, I wish we had had 3 but not now, no going back, sleepless nights - no thanks)

Then, suddenly, I'm going 'but I still wish I had and maybe this is my last chance to actually do it - I'm 38 now.

We have the room, we could find the money, we have none of the stuff left, but I'm not worried about that. What I am bothered about is that I'll still be saying 'I wish we had' in five years time when it's too late.

I would never deliberately have chosen an 8 year gap between kids, but there are worse things than that, aren't there? I don't want a set of two and a singleton though. The two older ones are brill together, absolutely best friends - but they would both REVEL in another sibling.

But, life would have to go on hold for a while, wouldn't it? No more cinema trips, no swimming, no jumping in the car for an adventure...

But still a little hole where a third child could sit in my heart.

Is it too late?

princesspants Wed 22-Jan-14 21:31:50

I had a boy and a girl 2.5 yrs apart and was knackered!
Even though when my DS1 was born I decided 3 was the magic number, once I had DD I thought no way, im done - physically and mentally done!
Imagine my surprise when I found out I was PG with DC3 when DC2 was only turning 2. It was going to be the same age gap again - faint!

I cried for the first 5 months of PG. It was going to ruin my DS & DD's close relationship. I was going to be a horrible knackered mum and that's all they will remember. We will NEVER do anything as a family for YEARS.

Along came DS2 and I had it all wrong. My DS1 (now 6) and DD (now 4) have so much fun with their little brother (now 17 months).
They spoil him rotten and he is such a funny little character because he has older siblings.
You should see my 6 yr old DS with him, makes my heart melt daily. They bring such a lovely dynamic to the family when there are older siblings around. They find everything he does hilarious and he adores them.

Ok, we don't get to go on bike rides or spontaneous trips to the cinema but he brings so much more than that and we still have fun as a family. We have just got to tweak it a bit to suit. We will get there one day but im in no rush. Wish I had had easier PG and births as id now have a forth (can't believe I feel like that) but too risky for me.

Fuzzymum1 Thu 23-Jan-14 22:30:28

My older boys were 9 and 13 when DS3 was born. It's been brilliant - it had all the novelty of being like a firstborn but with the experience of having done it all before. DS1 and 3 are very close and DS3 really misses his big brother now he's gone to uni. Given my time again I wouldn't change a thing.

Sa88yt1ts Thu 23-Jan-14 22:45:27

Thanks guys. When we were struggling to conceive ds a very dear friend told me that I wasn't falling because the RIGHT baby wasn't ready yet. At the time that gave me a lot of comfort and it turns out she was right. If I'd got pregnant quicker I wouldn't have my beautiful, kind, sensitive boy.

Equally, when my ds followed in week six of trying, she was meant to join our family. She was the one who would perfectly balance our timid little man by having enough balls for all of us.

I guess I am saying that, if I am meant to have another baby I will have another baby....and my guess right now is that I won't....but if I do, that will be right.

I am new to MN and I am loving it. What a lot of very wonderful people there are here. Xxx

Sa88yt1ts Thu 23-Jan-14 22:46:00

Dd, not ds! That'd just be weird!!!

matana Fri 24-Jan-14 19:56:09

There are 3 years between my sisters, then I arrived 7 years later! Worked ok for all of us and my parents felt they got to properly enjoy all of us. Not too late at all, plenty of people do it!

matana Fri 24-Jan-14 19:58:56

Plus your 2 are old enough to help you out - bonus! Babysitters on tap in a few years too! It'd be daft not to when you look at it that way.

Sa88yt1ts Fri 24-Jan-14 20:32:34

Admittedly, Matana, that is on my 'do it' list!!!x

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Sat 25-Jan-14 07:36:11

Awww, that's a lovely way of looking at it.

I had totally made my peace with only having two. We call DS2 "the bonus ball"! smile

JugglingChaotically Sat 25-Jan-14 08:24:17

We have 7 year gap between DD2 and DD3. We all love her to bits. As others have said, We are all much more relaxed and DD3 is a very happy, smily girl. The gap is shorter is some ways as she SO wants to be her sisters. So does everything much earlier than I had expected and is very independent.
Older DDs friends even want to help at her parties too grin
DD3 hasn't stopped the others doing anything - just fits in and enjoys!
I could not begin to say how much joy and laughter she has added to our family.
Only one caveat. We had all children late and so working till DD3 through school fees (don't slate me, doing it for older 2, too late to stop as into gcses etc and can't differentiate!) university now feels like a long time ahead and DH and I both feeling the strain.

Sa88yt1ts Sat 25-Jan-14 09:30:23

I can see that that would be a bit of a strain jc...and I have to admit, the fog of nursery fees / general toddler skintness is not that appealing. I really like the fact that we have a bit of cash spare again.

Re schooling- who am I to judge?? We all do what is right for us. Xx

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