at the end of my tether - 4 mo hasn't slept more than 1 hour

(63 Posts)
DollarDollarBills Mon 13-Jan-14 12:49:00

He used to sleep very well in moses. Moved him to his cot and now he screams all day and refuses to sleep all 6am to 6pm - he screams with overtiredness. I have a 2 yo so holding him to sleep doesn't work as I have to tend to toddler. So all day every day he screams til bedtime.

He wont sleep in his sling or pram either. Only moses which he has outgrown and he can't fit in anymore (99th centile height).

at night he wakes every hour. Feeds tgen sleeps for 1 hour. Repeats until 6am when the screaming starts.

I've shouted at my poor toddler I've completely lost it. I'm so sleep deprived and hearing screaming all day for hours and hours and HOURS on end is causing me to have panic attacks (I'm undergoing cbt for my high anxiety and panic attacks as it is).

What am I doing wrong? Why has everything changed all of a sudden? He can't have his moses he physically can't fit in it anymore!

DollarDollarBills Mon 13-Jan-14 12:51:25

He's still crying its been over 6 hours and still 6 more hours of this to go. I've been crying my eyes out my toddler is upset, baby won't stop fucking crying even though he's massively tired. Nothing works unless he's on the boob and its complete silence and I can't sit there while he naps on me with a toddler running around in quiet.

leobear Mon 13-Jan-14 12:56:32

Few quick ideas - have you tried white noise? Hair dryer (cold setting) on high on background, or radio turned to static VERY loud. Could he be in pain? I think they can have a little bit of calpol over 2 months.

DollarDollarBills Mon 13-Jan-14 13:07:01

leobear he will only nap with white noise (app) but since he's out of the moses that doesn't work.

ForTheLoveOfSocks Mon 13-Jan-14 13:21:26

Dollar I really feel for you. Is there someone you can call to come and give you a hand?

Could you try DS with a dummy? I know people think they are the work of the devil but if all he wants is to comfort suck it may help.

I would also put the tv on for toddler. Anything to keep them happy and distracted. Sod what other people think, right now you need anything that works.

Is there anyway you can get a break to get some sleep?

ForTheLoveOfSocks Mon 13-Jan-14 13:22:34

I also second calpol. It could be teething/colic type pain.

Have you had him checked out for reflux?

DollarDollarBills Mon 13-Jan-14 13:29:15

Tv has been on literally since 8am for toddler. Can't cope with such lack of sleep abd screaming all day all. Toddler is now fed abd napping but ds will only nap if latched on and bfing. I can do this while toddler naps but I've also not eaten today and want an hour to myself to go to the loo abd have something to eat. Can't stop crying either.

Have no family who I can call or speak to, sh is at work as are friends.

If he had reflux wouldn't he be sick alot? Also he used to sleep until he outgrew his moses.

DollarDollarBills Mon 13-Jan-14 13:29:42

I tried dummies for a month he refuses anything but boob.

DollarDollarBills Mon 13-Jan-14 13:30:36

Thank you for posting I appreciate the advice abd its making me feel less alone.

BabsAndTheRu Mon 13-Jan-14 13:42:49

My three all did this at 4 months and like yours they where all big babies and breast fed. Once I had ruled out if they were in pain, I started introducing solids. I know they say six months but there was no way they were going to wait until then, started with baby porridge, then introduced puréed fruit and veg. Never looked back, settled down straight away. I know it goes against all advice but this was what they needed. They still all had 6-7 feeds from me also and I continued to breast fed until they were nearly a year, so introducing solids at this age didn't put them off the breast.
It's just a thought, you could talk it over with the health visitor as well, if your unsure of doing this.

BabsAndTheRu Mon 13-Jan-14 13:45:25

Also meant to say Dollar really feel for you going through this, sleep deprivation on top of relentless crying is a nightmare. All the very best to you and hope it all settles down soon. Babsx

ForTheLoveOfSocks Mon 13-Jan-14 13:56:14

I don't think reflux means they will be sick all of the time. But I think you should speak to someone about the constant crying.

If he liked the Moses basket and is missing it, could you try swaddling? Might give him the cosiness he seems to like? Or try searching the internet for a bigger basket or maybe a crib?

ScaredToBeHonest Mon 13-Jan-14 13:59:00

Dollar - reflux is where the baby is sick but silent reflux is where the baby brings acid up but it goes back down again, so no actual sign of the vomit. Does he seem to be in pain? (arching his back) does his breath smell sour? gets hiccups often, get liquidy sounding burps (if that makes sense)?

These are some of the symptoms of silent reflux that 4 month old DS. He used to cry most of the day and wouldn't nap. I thought he was crying because he was tired from not napping. Thankfully he did sleep at night though. It was the health visitor who told me he was in pain and that she thought it was silent reflux. Prior to that I just thought DS was a grumpy baby blush who was also crying because he was tired.

I know how horrendous all day crying/screaming is. It is exhausting and I ended up with mild PND as a result. My DS would at least sleep at night though, so I can't imagine how you are coping with no sleep as well as the screaming.

DS is now on medication for silent reflux (omeprazole) and it has made such a difference to him. Only cries now when he is hungry or tired, he is happy and smiley the rest of the time.

It might be worth getting your HV to come to see you or going to see your GP to have him checked out.

Have you tried calpol?

flowers

Fairylea Mon 13-Jan-14 14:01:23

Google silent reflux. This is where they bring up acid without being sick - it is very painful but just comes in to their throats and back down again. Ds had it and medication from the gp really helped,as did tilting the cot so it's on books on one end so he was slightly more upright and not flat. For the same reason a vibrating bouncy chair also really helped - do you have one of these?

Also I know it sounds incredibly naff when you feel so bad but honestly put the baby in a pram or sling and go out for a walk. The crying seems less intense when you're out. Use a dummy if your baby will have it. And the toddler will burn off some energy too.

It's ok to rely on the TV. Your toddler won't suffer from having it on all the time over a short period while the baby is driving everyone nuts.

sounds like it could be 4 month sleep regression to me. given I'm living it too and no Moses involved. agree you must leave the house. we will be once Ive tried a coordinated sleep. just 40 mins is all I want..

llamallama Mon 13-Jan-14 14:05:58

Have you tried a sling?

My DD won't sleep on her own, she had no concept of this mysterious "self settling" but a sling saves my sanity. I pop her in when she is sleepy and then carry on about the house, dealing with toddler etc until she falls asleep then we carry on and she naps in the sling.

Get a good sling or borrow one and try that. My DD hated the buggy too till about 5.5 months when she could sit up more.

MigGril Mon 13-Jan-14 14:10:29

if it is silent reflux, it mite also explain why he's happy only at the breast. Breastmilk has soothing antacid properties, and him sucking would help keep down the content of his stomach.

If it's totally new behaviour though he could just have hit the huge 4 month growth spurt and sleep regression. in which case getting a sling in which you can feed him in would probably really help. Wraps are good for this or ring slings, it's possible in some buckle carriers to. You may have a local sling met group who can help you out with that.

RufusTheReindeer Mon 13-Jan-14 14:11:34

A friend of mine had a child which didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time, in the end she arranged for him to see a cranial osteopath

It worked for her, it might be worth a go. Have you seen your Heath visitor or doctor?

Hope it gets better for you soon

CuteLittleToes Mon 13-Jan-14 14:24:59

If he doesn't like the huge space in the cot maybe you could make like a nest from blankets or towels, so that it resembles Moses more?

Hang in there, I hope it gets better for you soon thanks

waterrat Mon 13-Jan-14 15:08:55

Do pick up put down - baby whisperer technique - to get used to cot? Just keep picking up cuddling whenever he cries then resettle in cot until he falls asleep - is tedious but really does work an you don't have to leave to cry

4 month sleep regression absolute hell

I agree about weaning - looking back think my ds was doing this because he was hungry ....

You need a rest. Does toddler have any kind of childcare?

DollarDollarBills Mon 13-Jan-14 18:36:27

Thank you everyone. I don't think he's hungry tbh this all started when we moved him to a cot. I wull try PUPD tried it with toddler at this and it didn't work so not feeling very optimistic.

Gave him calpol and put rolled up sheets under the glat sheet to create a cosier nest feel. None of this worked. He's been awake and screaming since 6.30am.

Toddler is in nursery two mornings a week while I'm on mat leave. Can't afford anymore.

I don't think I can cope with another day of this.

RufusTheReindeer Mon 13-Jan-14 18:49:21

I think if he has been screaming all that time it may be an idea to ring NHS direct or maybe your doctors if they are still open

ForTheLoveOfSocks Mon 13-Jan-14 19:51:00

It's shite, isn't it.

I think you should speak to someone about the constant screaming. However, in the meantime you need more support.

Would you consider mixed feeding? Maybe when DH comes home you can hand over baby and toddler and grab some sleep in the early evening?

When will your DH be home?

princesspants Mon 13-Jan-14 20:18:49

I had 3 with reflux so I could do a PHD on screaming babies. All my sympathies Dollar.

White noise was my friend too.

I found sleeping them on their tummies made them feel more secure and stopped the startle reflex etc.
If it's during the day you are able to keep checking him. I had a monitor fitted with a sensor pad so every breath showed on the monitor with a flashing light and an alarm would have sounded if they had stopped breathing. As long as you are not a smoker he will be fine.

Cue lots of shock and disapproval. When you have endured a baby who screams 24/7 and you have suffered anxiety because of it then you have to survive this short but awful time.

This was me a year ago! Poor you, it's horrendous isn't it? I was hallucinating from lack of sleep and my DS seemed so miserable and overtired all the time.

I would recommend getting him checked for reflux - that's what my DS turned out to have. He wasn't sick very much at all, just woke up after an hour or less every time he was put down - due to the acid coming up in his throat and burning him I guess.

Medication helped a fair bit, and I won't pretend he is the best sleeper ever even at 17 months, but I do feel more human now!

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