Now ATTENTION here all you first-time mothers, listen up...

(169 Posts)
emkana Tue 25-Jul-06 21:02:36

I have a ds, he is my third child. He is five weeks old. Atm I feed him whenever and he sleeps whenever he wants. Evenings are mostly spent with him on mine or dh's lap while I'm MNetting or watching TV or even sitting outside. Ds comes to bed with me when I go to bed.
I did the same with my two dd's. Over time things started to evolve into some sort of a routine, gradually we moved to a proper "bedtime" etc., and now they are five and three and very, very good at going to bed, and have been for a long, long time.
It really saddens me when I read all these worried posts about how to get a baby of a few weeks to settle in the evening etc., and all it seems to lead to often (not always, granted) is stress and worry and more stress.
I just want to reassure you all that no bad habits will be formed if you just with the flow for now and enjoy your baby and let him/her be with you.

VeniVidiVickiQV Tue 25-Jul-06 21:03:35

I agree.

JackieNo Tue 25-Jul-06 21:04:21

Well said, Emkana.

hunkermunker Tue 25-Jul-06 21:04:25

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I agree.

schneebly Tue 25-Jul-06 21:05:50

Absobloodylutely!

Twiglett Tue 25-Jul-06 21:07:04

Totally agree

DS (5.5) DD (2.2) both excellent sleepers who started off in exactly the same way as Emkana's

excellent feeders too

foundintranslation Tue 25-Jul-06 21:08:21

Fab post, em.

Just to add my experience. I did it the way you do with ds (now 14 months), and for a long time I was insecure about his sleeping - he woke up for a feed several (we're talking up to 6) times a night up to about a year, had phases where he wouldn't go to sleep until 10 or 11 pm - but now things are, slowly but surely, starting to come together. Provided he has a long enough sleep in the day, we can get him to bed at roughly the same time each night - usually I still bf him to sleep, but occasionally he has gone off on his own, also a recent development - and he will wake once in the night, two absolute tops, and sometimes not at all.

foundintranslation Tue 25-Jul-06 21:09:12

twice absolute tops.

Waswondering Tue 25-Jul-06 21:09:16

I agree with the experience of being a second time mummy, but first time round I was very anxious to get into a routine from the day dot. I think it's hard to see the bigger picture first time round as you can't look back on your previous experience with another child.

Rowlers Tue 25-Jul-06 21:10:36

Yes, I never really got how you could do a routine anyway - I went with the flow and my relaxed and happy baby soon found her own pattern which luckily suited me fine.
It is quite hard though when you are a first-timer to see things clearly.
Hormones / change of life / what everyone else is telling you all affect judgement badly I find.
Glad to hear you sounding so chilled!

serenity Tue 25-Jul-06 21:13:59

I created more problems and 'rods for my own back' (the phrase I've heard a lot) with DS1 by trying to secondguess him and get into a routine too early, than I ever did by essentially 'giving up' and going with the flow with DS2 and DD. You find your own routine eventually.

fruitful Tue 25-Jul-06 21:15:27

I'm sure that being relaxed about it will not make them worse sleepers, and will make the whole experience much nicer for everyone. I don't think it makes them better at sleeping though - I think you probably get what you're given!

I wish someone had told me, when I had my first, that bf'ing her to sleep in a dark quiet room wasn't going to teach the baby anything about sleep, and that bf'ing in front of the tv was much nicer!

morningpaper Tue 25-Jul-06 21:17:03

Emkana you are SOOOO right.

If only we would just ACCEPT that this is the way babies are - they can't "fit into our lives".

My 10-month old has just fallen asleep after fussing for about an hour - she didn't seem to want to sleep so I put her in her pram and she watched me water the plants in the garden, then I carried her around for a bit until my arms ached and my back hurt, then we lay on the bed and she nursed and whinged and nursed and cried and then nursed some more - then she eventually fell asleep, then she woke 20 minutes later, then fell asleep again when I went in and cuddled her - and she will wake several times in the night and I still have no idea if she wants cuddles or nursing or she's cold so I have to try everything and wing it ... and she drives me CRAZY sometimes when I just want to GET SOMETHING DONE in the evening but she is STILL SO LITTLE and before I know it she will be getting her nose pierced and listening to porno rock and drinking WKD Blue and leaving home, with me still watering the garden, missing her in the pram and wanting more than anything for just one more night with her fat round needy body to disturb my sleep.

Angeliz Tue 25-Jul-06 21:17:04

Well said Emkana.
Nice thread.
I remember passing sleeping dd2 onto DP's lap while he watched T.V and me escaping to Mumsnet and then i'd take her up in her moses basket with me.

She is 15 months and usually co-sleeps now from about 1 or 2 or whenever she decides.
DD1 is 5 and sleeps brilliantly, infact is often the last one up now she's off School.
I hope all these new Mams take our advice and chill out with cuddling the baby and ignore 'Rod for your own back' comments.

Socci Tue 25-Jul-06 21:18:00

Message withdrawn

Angeliz Tue 25-Jul-06 21:19:11

morningpapaer, i'll miss it too when i have no more podgy baby arms whacking me in the night and snuggling up to me. Not to mention the huge slavvering kisses that wake me every morning and the head snuffling.......

GOD I LOVE BABIES!!

Xavielli Tue 25-Jul-06 21:19:56

Amen Emkana!

I have bottle fed [gasp!] both my babies on demand (as much as you can with a FF baby) and have let them lead the way as to a routine. They settle into one of their own if you let them, there is no need to even steer them. DD is 15 weeks old now, feeds every 4 hours on the dot and has just been put upstairs on her own at DS's bedtime and has gone straight to sleep. She has been going 8-8 for 2 weeks now and I have only just thought about actually putting her to bed literally. I always kept her down here with me... just incase.

I don't hold much faith in book routines, (whilst I know they may work for some) for a start I don't think I could stomach anyone telling me what to do with my baby and when, and the babies fall into a perfect little routine after a while anyway.

ilovecaboose Tue 25-Jul-06 21:20:40

I wish I'd known about this site when first had ds - it would have given me the confidence to do things in my own way and not worry about routines and sleeping patterns and everything.

I think this is a lovely thread - very good idea

FrannyandZooey Tue 25-Jul-06 21:20:53

Spot on Emkana - can we all bookmark this thread please and refer all worried new mothers to it?

Oh yes indeedy! I was such a panicky first time mum, convinced Dd had to be in a routine from the minute she left the womb! I am looking forward to whenever no. 2 comes along as I will hopefully be able to relax and enjoy a bit more than I feel I did with Dd.

Xena Tue 25-Jul-06 21:22:15

Agreed here too. Plus for us mums with more than one its a good time to spend with the baby without green eyes watching. Our big 3 all go to sleep at 7pm quite happily

TheLadyVanishes Tue 25-Jul-06 21:22:54

well said (again)
wish i had read this a year ago when i had dd, had no end of arguments with dh and it was all stress coz dd wouldn't sleep/eat etc etc, wish i had just gone with the flow (still having a minor teething problem over sleep but on the whole she is very good) at least when i get pregnant again (fingers crossed) i will be more relaxed (hopefully)

mears Tue 25-Jul-06 21:25:19

I totally agree Emkana. I also breastfed all of mine to sleep at night and they were all good sleepers when they got older. Be prepared to have your lived dominated by your baby - that's waht they are there for

controlfreaky2 Tue 25-Jul-06 21:30:11

you are so so right emkana.... makes me feel sad that i didnt have the confidence / intuition / whatever to do this with ds1

oops Tue 25-Jul-06 21:30:48

Message withdrawn

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