What does your husband do to help out at home?

(116 Posts)
Brewster Sun 05-Jan-14 20:54:09

What does your hubby do to make you feel like you are a team?
how does he pull his weight when at home?

TheFabulousIdiot Sun 05-Jan-14 20:56:42

Does his own washing, cooks, washes up, tidies up, cleans the bathroom, mops the kitchen, shops constantly, baths the toddler.

There are some things he doesn't do like put away dried washing, know where the toddler's clothes are but in the main he does loads.

We both work full time but even if I didn't I would expect him to do his own shing, cook and tidy.

hercules1 Sun 05-Jan-14 20:56:55

First thing and most important is not to see it as "help". We both work full time and neither is lazy. We probably do equal amount of home stuff each. No traditional divide. We both just do what needs doing and who ever is there at the time does it. Housework isn't my job so we don't see it and helping when he does something.

Does bedtime
Makes breakfast every day
Does the morning school run when he can to let me sleep in
Walks the dog and does early morning toilet break with her.
Cooks
Does all the car maintenance, DIY and vet appointments
Makes me endless cups of tea
Runs me bath (he's doing this right now!)

And works 40 hours a week

We are definitely a team smile .

ShatnersBassoon Sun 05-Jan-14 20:58:28

Loads of things. He doesn't 'help me out', he just does stuff that needs doing.

Reaching high stuff is his speciality.

dh does the main cooking during the week and weekends and does the main shop at the weekend. I do the cleaning, washing, ironing, hoovering, etc plus I ferry the kids about to their various clubs. If I wash non-dishwasher dishes/knives, etc then he will dry them up and put them away.

Dh works, I dont

Reality Sun 05-Jan-14 21:00:01

Well he doesn't 'help', for a start, he does his fair share.

He does the evening meal, shopping, most of the washing, bins, baths, most of bedtime, school/cm pick up and lawns. And obvs other stuff as needed.

I do the tidying and sorting, finances, school/cm drop offs, weekend cooking, keep on top of cleaning and put washing away.

We both work ft. I have been a sahm in the past and did the bulk then but still expected him to pull his weight.

Passmethecrisps Sun 05-Jan-14 21:01:04

Yep. Not 'help'

Anyway, I work full time and DH part-time. He does two days childcare.

I would say that we divide things pretty evenly just according to who has more time. He cooks every meal but I do every bath and bed time. He does washing and so do I but he isn't great at finishing the job - tends to get left in a heap. He does bins, recycling and cleans the cat litter. He also does most of the shopping.

Actually, written like that he does pretty much everything - I do too but less often.

blackandwhiteandredallover Sun 05-Jan-14 21:02:53

It's not 'helping' it's doing his share. This weekend he has hoovered the whole house, put washing on, taken DD to a party, cooked a sunday roast, done his fair share of the washing up. He works long hours in the week, so I do pretty much everything mon to fri, but at weekends he definitely pulls his weight with housework/parenting.

Reality Sun 05-Jan-14 21:02:59

Fairly similar posts here from everyone, I wonder if many people will post to say they do everything and he does nothing?

Brewster Sun 05-Jan-14 21:06:52

Hubby owns his own business so makes his own hours etc.
I work for him from home as and when i need to which is a few hours a week.
The company can't run without me as it is very specialised work and he doesn't trust anyone else to be that close to the business at present.

Aside from this work I stay at home and look after our two children.
1 is at school and the other goes to nurser a few days a week as my health isn't the best - i have crowns colitis and can get very tired and weak.
we have two dogs who are pretty much 100% my responsibility.
I do the house accounts, bill paying, dealing with workmen, shopping, dinner, lunch, loading, unloading dishwasher, tidying, lunch boxes, washing, ironing, beds, towels…to be honest aside from cleaning the cars and mowing the lawn I do everything.
Hubby 'looks after the kids' while i shower and make food at the weekends but i always feel like i am the one in charge of everything and have to tell everyone what to do if anything needs doing.
even getting the kids dressed … i have to bring him the clothes and say - get them dressed please.
There is no initiative.
If he is playing in a room with them or even if i have left him giving them a bath while i tidy or start making dinner he doest tidy up after himself, often doesn't even drain the bath water so I feel like i am just going round constantly tiding up after everyone on my own.
This weekend was the first time EVER he has taken them both anywhere without me.

We want another baby but i am so worried he won't pull his wight then either.

Passmethecrisps Sun 05-Jan-14 21:07:10

I suspect not reality - I think the tone of these threads can be set by the first few posters.

To even things up a bit. . .

I set out DD's clothes or dress her every day.
I make sure her changing bag is prepared
I often get a message during the day asking what she should have for lunch
I always clean the toilets. They would be truly grim if I didn't - I know as I have experimented!

MrsBennetsEldest Sun 05-Jan-14 21:09:53

He does everything I put on his list ;)

Passmethecrisps Sun 05-Jan-14 21:09:55

brewster I know how fed up I get just knowing that if I don't check the changing bag then it won't get done so I imagine you are pretty worn down.

He must play a more equal role and part of that will be changing how you both view these jobs I would imagine. Have you ever shown him a list like the one you have given above?

Brewster Sun 05-Jan-14 21:13:33

yes i wrote out for him everything i did on a daily basis for a week and he agreed it was a lot.
he will do the dinner a few days a week some weeks.
our relationship has always been this way and we have had many arguments about it but now it is getting on my nerves again esp with this idea of a third baby.
he has taken the whole of the kids xmas holidays off so it has been more obvious the work divide when he is home and it seems so unfair,
wanted to see if we were 'normal' or i am expecting too much?

procrastinatingagain Sun 05-Jan-14 21:14:55

Apart from anything else, not draining the bath water is pretty dangerous, a bit Luke having an indoor pond!

Cosmo89 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:15:11

Erm.... Pretty much everything..blush

I'm a sahm, he works 12 hour shifts, does all of the cooking and all of the cleaning smile

procrastinatingagain Sun 05-Jan-14 21:15:30

Like, not Luke

He's a part time student too

superman, basically. I luffs my DH

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Sun 05-Jan-14 21:17:05

Why is it helping out in his own home?

projectbabyweight Sun 05-Jan-14 21:17:21

Sorry to go off topic, but OP have you heard of the Specific Carbohydrate Diet for colitis? I wouldn't even have considered having dc if I hadn't recovered, just wouldn't have been able to leave the house some days sad . Sorry again to chip in, and I hope your dh starts pulling his weight soon!

lougle Sun 05-Jan-14 21:20:53

He gets up with DD1 (SN and early riser) each morning to allow me some extra sleep. He does his fair share and a bit more, in the night if the girls wake.

He makes the children's lunches.

He puts washing/dishwasher on/tidies, etc., just as I do.

We don't really have our own 'jobs' around the house. We just do it.

Most of the day to day care of the girls is down to me in the week, purely because he works a split shift, with his work being either side of the school day (he leaves the house at 6.45am and comes back once the girls are at school, then goes out again at 3pm, coming home at around 6.15pm) but once home he gets on with whatever needs doing and puts the girls to bed, etc.

At the weekend, he gets up with the girls and life goes on.

The only thing that he forgets about is brushing their hair, because his is so short it only needs a quick once over so he forgets that theirs isn't like that.

Brewster Sun 05-Jan-14 21:21:07

I was brought up with my mum doing EVERTHING for my dad he didn't even used to take his dirty plates to the sink after a meal.
I never liked or agreed with that but i guess i always rationalised it cos my Dad has avery high powered job and worked from about 7am till 11pm every night and then brought work home too.
and we were rather well off financially so … it felt like it evened it out a bit but i always felt like my mum was a bit of a maid to my dad you know.
i am not quite the same in my relationship but i feel like it most def isn't fair or even here but i dunno how to change it

Thants Sun 05-Jan-14 21:21:27

It's not help if they are in their own home. You are not the default the cleaner and he can choose to help. You are both as responsible for the home as each other.
My dp washes, cleans, cooks and tidies.

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