Were (are!) you one of 3 children?

(36 Posts)
mummyxtwo Thu 14-Nov-13 10:55:30

There are lots of threads like this at the moment so apologies for the repetition. Just wanted a slightly different take on it. I have two dc's (ds1 4.11yo and dd2 12mo) and am considering a third. Dh and I both really want three, for various reasons. My concern is how much harder I would find another baby, given that I have to do the getting up at night as dh is a surgeon and can't operate in a fug of sleep deprivation. And he doesn't wake up anyway. I do get a lie-in on Saturdays to recover. And I drink a lot of coffee. I can cope with the hardship myself, but I worry that if I struggle then I might get snappier and shoutier with the others - I have days as it is where I lose patience and am shouty stressed mum at times sad which I then feel awful about. But ds1 loves babies and also wants more! He has been delightful with his little sister. I can't really wait and see how I feel in a year or so, due to reasons that are rather complicated - my age, we have 6 months in Sydney in the not distant future and if we wait until after then I'll be too old IMO. (I'm 35 now - I know that 38 or so isn't too old for more but I have some childhood issues relating to my mum's age that make it sit uncomfortably with me - please don't think I apply that to anyone else).

Sorry that got a bit long. My Q was... how did you find growing up as one of three? Did it enhance your childhood, or were there negatives such as stressed shouty mum feeling left out, or other issues? I want to do what is best for my children, not just what my heart is telling me (have another have another have another!) Thank you!

BikeRunSki Fri 15-Nov-13 17:01:21

I was the youngest of 3 for 3 years, then I became one of the middle ones of 4.

Andro Fri 15-Nov-13 18:05:20

I'm the eldest of 3 with 12 years between me and the twins, I've always hated them and resented the fact that their arrival screwed my adolescence up. As I've got older the blame has gone to it's proper place (my mother), but the mutual hatred between me and them is so firmly entrenched I doubt it will ever change.

StickChildrenTwo Sun 17-Nov-13 08:21:06

I found it hard being one of three. I was the youngest. My mum was lovely and caring but never had time for 'playing' or really interacting with us other than for the usual, telling us to get dressed, eat tea, brush our teeth, put shoes on, get coats on etc, life was very much for her all consumed by the mundane domestic things and as far as I can tell none of the lovely bits of parenting. She wasn't shouty or snappy with us though. She did her best but never really knew us as individuals. I feel I never knew her on any other level than the cleaner, house keeper, referee etc. We never spoke about our likes or dislikes or what our favourite colour was for example, I didn't know her. She didn't know us. We were the 'collective kids' I suppose, she didn't have time to know us as individuals. She loved us, kept us safe and clean, well fed, nice enough home so it wasn't terrible but no where near the relationship that I have with my 2 boys.

As children we all thought each other was the favourite but I do think most families think that, don't they?! I would say I was often left out of games between my brother and sister because they were closer in age. I was the annoying younger sibling. My dad always made a fuss of my brother because he was the only boy. My mum never had time to favour any of us which was good!

Now we're all grown up. My brother and sister don't talk much. I don't get on with either of them. My sister doesn't talk to our Dad. In many ways we are so fragmented that I feel like an only child. I would never ever ever trust one of my siblings with one of my children and I certainly don't feel I benefit from having siblings or ever have. We don't hate each other, we're just civil. I feel love for them but they are certainly not friends or even people I particularly want in my life.

This is rather negative, isn't it?! Not saying it doesn't work well for most people though. This was just our experience of it.

Charotte31 Sun 17-Nov-13 08:30:39

I am the middle of 3. Older sister and younger brother. We always got on growing up and still do. We are all very close and socialise together all the time.
I always wanted 3 children because of how lovely my childhood was but my DH only wants 2. I really hope my DC get on as well as we did/do.

plipplops Sun 17-Nov-13 20:51:54

I'm the middle of 3 girls, I'm a twin and big sis is 18 months older. Always been super close to my twin but since our late teens have got on well with older sis too, think big sis felt horribly left out growing up. Now my twin and I live v close and big sis is 3 hours away but we're all very close and have a really good relationship.

Floralnomad Sun 17-Nov-13 21:33:19

stick I doubt your family dynamics are anything to do with being one of three ,your mother would probably have parented the same irrespective of how many children she had and your dad would have favoured your brother whatever .

StickChildrenTwo Sun 17-Nov-13 23:35:08

See I doubt that. She was just SO busy with 3. No time for one on one with any of us. So much washing and cleaning etc. I think it's ALL hugely dependant upon each family though, isn't it? The fact that someone loved being one of 3 and still is extremely close to their siblings is possibly nothing to do with their being 3 either...could be the same with 2 or 4 or any number. OP asked for experiences so I gave mine, that is all.

alemci Tue 19-Nov-13 19:26:00

yes I am eldest dd of 3 and have 3dc. it was quite hard for yd as she was middle child with yb and es.

have another child. I like having 3 myself.

NaturalBaby Tue 19-Nov-13 21:23:57

I found it quite difficult as a child but there were other things going on so relationships were quite difficult. There are times when one of us felt left out and 2 of us really didn't get on until we stopped living together.

Now we are all grown up I have a very, very good relationship with both my siblings and am very grateful that there are 2 of them - particularly as we get older.

Oblomov Tue 19-Nov-13 21:45:06

2 older brothers. Loved it.
Didn't want 3 myself. I struggle with 2 as it is.

happygoluckyinOz Wed 20-Nov-13 06:00:26

Really interesting reading!

I'm the eldest of 3 children, 15 months between me and my bro and 9 years until my sis came along.

I've always wished my parents had stopped at my brother, we had a really close relationship and still get on ok now. Never been close to my sister and rarely talk to her (if ever), I have nothing in common with her and it's just hard work to have a conversation.

DH is also one of three, but he's the youngest. He hated having two older brothers and it's a big reason behind him only wanting one child in the future. He said he was always picked on and his life was made pretty miserable by them.

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