Did you want 3 but settled on 2? Or did you want 2 but decide to have 3?

(37 Posts)
shakespeare Wed 13-Nov-13 01:15:23

Did anything in particular make you change your plans/minds? I've got two lovely dc (dd 4.5, ds 14 months), and goddamit, I think I'm feeling the urge to have no. 3! Totally taken me by surprise as I was never really that keen on having children in the first place.

We probably won't have another (far too many reasons why to list) and I don't think I live to regret it or anything, but I'm just curious how and why other peoples plans have changed when it came to having a certain number of children.

crabbiepattie Sun 17-Nov-13 17:44:46

Wanted 2 but ended up with 3! Second pg was a twin pg. shock

Fuzzymum1 Sat 16-Nov-13 22:53:29

We always agreed we would have 2. After DS2 I knew in my heart I wasn't done I craved a 3rd child but DH was adamant he only wanted the two. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, I finally felt OK with it when DS2 was about 7, then a year later I fell pregnant and had DS3 when DS2 was just 9 - it was a shock TBH but I have loved starting over and enjoyed almost every moment. Now though I know for a fact I would go batshit crazy if I was to have another one.

shakespeare Sat 16-Nov-13 07:21:59

Wow, that's lovely Beach, I'm sure a lot of people would still be reeling with their 2 become 4 after only 3 months. Sounds like your doing amazing. As are you Special. I can't look at a mother with twins without thinking 'bloody hell, think I have tough days!'

I think I'm just going through that stage with my ds (14 months) who is just indescribably cute at the moment, with all the new words, facial expressions and so forth and feeling a little sad that this will probably be the last time I will experience it (I'm 41 now, my partner 48).

I do sometimes worry about the quote another poster mentioned about not regretting having another but actually, a friend of mine who has 3 boys is very honest in saying she actually does regret having a third. It goes without saying she loves her ds but she said it has been really really tough.

And tbh, I don't think mental health would be up for it, as I find just the two pretty challenging at times and they are both good sleepers and pretty laid back. But even with all the odd stacked against you, it doesn't stop the feelings of broodiness does it??

beachesandbuckets Fri 15-Nov-13 18:43:35

This time last year, I used to stalk threads like this. But...i am now a member of the urban myth, the woman with 2 dcs (5 and 2) who tried for baby number 3 and got...TWINS! 2 to 4 kids in one swoop.

They are now 3 months old and I can honestly say, its wonderful!!! I had a Mc last year, so I don't know if this has made me more sentimental, but just having sqiggy, sweet smelling little babies is really lovely, seeing all 4 together makes my heart soar, and its really not as bad practically as I feared. We are in a very tight routine and the babies are good sleepers, so that helps. Of course financies have taken a real bashing, and will have to go back to work when they are 10mths, and dh nearly had a heart attack when I told him after the scan (he vehemently didn't want a third) but its all working out sa far. Can't believe my luck.

Doitnicelyplease Fri 15-Nov-13 18:31:19

Never really had a specific number in mind just knew I wanted more than 1. We now have 2 gorgeous DDs (5 & 1) and I feel lucky to have them everyday - especially since I had four miscarriages between them. So realistically even if we really really wanted another DC it might not happen or might mean more mcs and not really sure I could go through all that again.

I do have a romantic idea of 3 kids and a lovely busy house, but the reality is I am too practical, money would be tighter, holidays would be fewer, not sure I would be able to 'treat/spoil' 3 the way we can 2.

Also frankly I think I am too lazy for another, I like the idea that my family is growing up a bit and we are moving away from the baby stages of nappies, tantrums, pushchairs etc. DD2 is still only 16 months so we can enjoy every minute of our last 'baby' for another year or so. Maybe I will feel differently when my girls are 7 & 3 but for now 2 is (more!) than enough.

Tailtwister Thu 14-Nov-13 14:46:30

I wanted 3, DH wants 2. Having 3 would have ruled out a lot of things we can do for 2 and I would have been over 40 trying for a 3rd which neither of us felt completely comfortable with.

Now we have 2 children (rather than babies) I'm glad we stopped at 2. If I had been younger and able to leave more of a gap, I suspect we might have had a 3rd when the older 2 were at school.

pinkmagic1 Thu 14-Nov-13 11:38:16

I always wanted 4 but have stopped at 2. It took a little while to accept my decision but I am totally happy with it now. Mine are 9 and 7 and I really couldn't imagine another baby, I know that emotionally it would be just too much for me and it would be extremely impractical with regards to cars, bedrooms, holidays etc.

seafoodudon Thu 14-Nov-13 11:26:31

I am pondering the same thing, but about bigger numbers - do you just have a feeling when you're pregnant that this is your last time? Or do you look at your hoard of lovely children and realise that the number is complete?

Rooners Thu 14-Nov-13 11:21:19

I wanted three (or four) and didn't feel I could stop till I had number three. once he was born I knew that was that. I think another pregnancy might just kill me tbh. But at least I feel like I have finished.

Three is bloody hard work btw!

SpecialAgentFreyPie Thu 14-Nov-13 11:17:58

I wouldn't change anything for the world, they're perfect in every sigle way.

Excuse me while I go force cuddles on them! grin

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 11:12:44

Not had the skiing one yet Zombie. <worries>

Special sounds like everything worked out. smile

SpecialAgentFreyPie Thu 14-Nov-13 11:12:28

Oh, btw we do our absolute best not to just feed junk but if the choice is between three wailing toddlers and making a lovely chicken stirfry.... There's no competition!

SpecialAgentFreyPie Thu 14-Nov-13 11:10:56

Honestly? I don't.

I have lots of private cries, and I do lots of tuning out because I don't really have a choice. I have MH issues so if I don't tune out, I know I'd just crumble.

Luckily most of the time DTs know ignoring means they won't win, and just smack each other with foam toys find something else to do. With DS1, if he flips out I shove nuggets in the oven and deal with the problem as I know it needs to be dealt with, and tea is forgotten because, frankly, I'm not superwoman!

If one of DTs is having a real tantrum and not just trying it on, I do the same.

The best thing that works for us is an extremely strict routine and for DH and I, rota. It is our best chance at eliminating likelihood of 'I need a nap' tantrums, so we know when a tantrum is more likely to be illness related.

When they're all ill though, DH has to take time off work because I simply cannot do it alone.

It does get easier as they get older, when DTs were born I had severe PND because two colicky, refluxy babies and a confused 1-and-a bit-year old was a nightmare.

ZombieMonkeyButler Thu 14-Nov-13 11:07:40

DS2 brought a letter home about a £1100 trip too. Skiing in Canada hmm.

He won't be going.

ZombieMonkeyButler Thu 14-Nov-13 11:04:34

I had 2. I only ever wanted 2.

Then, when they were 13 & 10, DC3 arrived grin.

I have no idea what changed, maybe the angst of the youngest leaving primary school, maybe both of the older DC becoming so independent BUT something did change.

There will be no DC4 though probably.

mummyxtwo Thu 14-Nov-13 10:59:59

Special can I ask a rather basic and silly Q? How do you cope when all three are kicking off, or if one is wailing and you're trying to cook supper, etc? I worry that I'd completely lose the plot! How do you stay calm? Congrats btw - I'm in awe.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Thu 14-Nov-13 10:54:50

How did you feel when you found out Special?

Honestly, on the anonymity of MN? I was originally very distraught. DS1 is adopted (DH is his birth father though - Long story) and SEN, there was only a year between and I was terrified about how I'd cope, give DS1 the attention he needs as well as the new babies.

Of course we got over that and became very excited seeing them move, knowing DS1 would have siblings. The biggest fear wasn't money, sleep, stress or anything, it was fear we couldn't give all three equal attention.

Now they're here, toddlers and all so close, it's amazing! Makes me broody for more but then I think I'm insane. grin

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 10:46:12

Mine are 14 and 11

So far this school year (still deciding about a couple)

Wales £270
French Exchange £290
Boulogne £70
Business Trip £40
West End Show £40
Ypes for next year £175

Not to mention school photos/replacement uniform and school shoes where there feet grow a size in a month. DS1 has grown about 4 inches over the holidays too.

Fortunately DS1 didn't take Geography so the £1300 trip didn't matter. Phew.

nobutreally Thu 14-Nov-13 10:41:23

I was really keen on the idea of three at one point (I think around when mine were 4/5 and 2/3) Dh wasn't convinced and persuaded me to wait and think for a while. I'm really glad he did. Now they are older (7&9) I think my patience and time is better spread between two that three. The idea of juggling 3 sets of homeworks makes me feel quite dizzy! I come from a big family, and part of me regrets not having the 'sibling gang' that I appreciate with my own growing up ... but I also remember seeing very little of my mum for years. Not saying that's a result of more kids per se, but I do think you have to work harder at the parent/child connection when there are more kids in the mix.

MaryPoppinsBag Thu 14-Nov-13 10:35:43

Watching with interest.

I have two DS's 8 and nearly 5.
I have started to get broody again. We had pretty much decided no more but I feel so much like I want a 3rd. hmm

I'd be mad because DS2 is at school now. And I've been doing the baby / toddler/ pre-schooler thing for 8 years.

We've just moved to a 4 bed but use the spare room as a playroom. So the children would have to give that up.

I am also obese (just and I'm working on it!) so I know I'd have to have additional tests etc and would be under consultant care due to my thyroid condition. I would also elect for a c section due to my past births.

Plus life with our two just got a lot easier. If I'd had two of DS1 I'd definitely would have had another but DS2 was v difficult.

Heart says yes head says no.

mummyxtwo Thu 14-Nov-13 10:32:40

£1300 for a school trip??!! I'd expect the whole family to be able to go along too at that price.

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 10:22:45

I always say look into the future. Three teens loafing about on the settee/eating 24/7. Bit different to a little baby.
And finances. We had a letter about a school trip that was £1300.

mummyxtwo Thu 14-Nov-13 10:20:24

I have two. Totally cannot make up my mind on number 3. I really want another, dh does too, but some days I feel all out of patience and am naggy and snappy mum - I am worried that if I find it even harder to cope with another baby then the kids will have a stressed and shouty mummy, which I would hate. With the nature of dh's job (surgeon) I have to do all the night-time getting up. Ds1 loves babies and has even said he'd like us to have more! Sometimes I think it would be great for us all to have a big family, but I am so torn! I know I will always have a pang and a bit of heartache if we stop at two. But equally I am blessed to have two happy healthy children. Help!

tweetytwat Thu 14-Nov-13 10:18:59

If we had money I would go for a third. But as we haven't we are sticking with two. And it easier now they are a bit older and we are past the nappies and broken nights. They both still wake in the night fairly often but not four/five/a million times and they don't need anything unless they are poorly. Both were very bad sleepers.

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 10:17:04

How did you feel when you found out Special?

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