"Oh, I would NEVER do that if/when I have a child" ....

(38 Posts)
Missgiraffe1 Wed 23-Oct-13 12:55:56

I think it's safe to say Karma has well and truly kicked my judgey-panted arse smile

I remember looking at stories and pictures on Facebook of my cousins DD being naughty and thinking "I would never allow any child of mine to make that mess/empty the cereal box all over the floor/scribble on the walls with lipstick/eat dog food out the bowl" etc etc

And I would watch my DB and DSil run around after my DN trying to get one more spoonful of dinner into him, thinking "my child will sit in a high chair when it's feeding time at the zoo and I won't be chasing him/her all over the place like that"

Well, HOW WRONG WAS I??? My 17.5month old DS is a hooligan!! And he's so bloody fast! He can open a bathroom door &throw a shoe/phone/toy car down the toilet quicker than you can blink!!

We have had furniture dented and scratched, a tractor thrown across church almost hitting the alter (we don't go much, it's too challenging!), my friends babies hit on the head by random missiles, lamps and ornaments broken, escapes out the front door (which is locked at all times) laptops jumped on..... Just to mention just a few fairly regular occurrences.

And he watches baby tv and eats biscuits shock

Anyone else find that the reality is somewhat different to their previously rose-tinted, uninitiated views on parenthood??? (Disclaimer I have a 17yo but clearly forgot absolutely everything. Either that, or she was actually an angel compared to her little bro)

NaturalBloodsuckerYeahRight Thu 24-Oct-13 22:12:33

See that Maryz has beaten me to it on the teenage front, but these double standards never stop throughout childhood.
My children would always go to clubs that would enrich them - nope
They will always look neat and tidy and wear age appropriate/tasteful clothes - nope
Healthy balanced meals, especially packed lunches <whistles nonchalantly>
The annoying thing is Dsis still says she won't let hers do all these things, plus yours. Hers are 5 years younger so I have to wait ages for 'I told you so' by which time she denies all knowledge.

Babycino81 Thu 24-Oct-13 21:56:56

Can I join? My daughter is 16 days old. She now has a dummy and after DH an I categorically stating 'baby will never sleep in our bed, too dangerous etc', I hang my head in shame and tell you all the night she was born, she slept in our bed with me and DH too paranoid to sleep, constantly checking she was breathing etc. 16 days later, she's still there. massively exhausted sigh

eatyourveg Thu 24-Oct-13 21:42:23

I said I would never use disposable nappies or give the dc a dummy but did both and I promised myself I would knit all their jumpers but I have yet to pick up a pair of needles.

did stick with the no toy guns, no saying shut up and no sweets or crisps at home

dogindisguise Thu 24-Oct-13 21:22:13

I thought I'd never use chocolate as a bribe and that they wouldn't watch any TV until two. I also didn't think I'd have pictures of 6mo DD tucking into a chocolate Magnum!

TEErickOrTEEreat Wed 23-Oct-13 15:28:59

MaryZ as the aunt of a 'goody two shoes' who completely changed when she hit 12? I am right there with you.

I can only imagine what my 'sweet gentle' son might be like in 8 years!

HumphreyCobbler Wed 23-Oct-13 15:21:14

i thought children could be sleep trained with very little effort and as a primary school teacher i thought i had behavior management cracked. ha bloody ha.....

having seen my nephews and nieces in action MaryZombie i am at least spared that rude awakening!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 23-Oct-13 15:16:44

Ah, everyone's a perfect parent until they have kids!

We stuck with the no dummy thing but DS slept with us until he was three weeks old as he would not sleep in his crib. We always said we would never have him in bed with us, until we realised you'll do anything for sleep!

DS watches cbeebies when I need to get things done, else I have him trying to 'help' or evict me from the kitchen.

Missgiraffe1 Wed 23-Oct-13 14:45:28

Zombiezing. I like your ethos. The swearing thing is something I need to work on, promoted recently by teen DD videoing DS saying "shit" hmm
whilst I chortled away in the background

Which ties in nicely with your post maryzombie. Quite.

Gerty1002 Wed 23-Oct-13 14:41:50

I'm only 6 weeks into parenthood and already identify with this thread. No dummy indeed.

MaryZombie Wed 23-Oct-13 14:35:34

I'm always amused by the number of people on teenager threads in chat and aibu who are convinced their children will be well behaved teenagers, and who subscribe to the "you reap what you sow" belief.

They honestly think that if they teach their small children to tidy their rooms/put away toys/eat nicely at the table/talk politely to adults, etc, that their children will be like that when they hit 13.

It's rather gratifying to see (on the teenager board) that when they actually get to that stage they get a rude awakening.

ZombieZing Wed 23-Oct-13 14:29:04

grin @ hooligan!

I swore I'll never shout, scream at my kids or swear in their presence like my parents used to.

could you fucking guess what?angry

but I'm trying my utter best to at least not ignore or criticise them.
And I don't lie to them.
if I don't want to or can't answer about something I just say that.
or I admit that I don't know.

And I don't promise anything, ever, instead I say this:
"I promise you that I will always love you. Everything else is a plan"

so I think we are ok. they think I'm a fantastic mum, despite the shouting.
I don't think I am. I think I'm about good enough. which is fine with me!wink

Missgiraffe1 Wed 23-Oct-13 14:28:49

Ps re my op. I should maybe make it clear. I would never intentionally allow DS to eat dog food out the bowl. But he did accidentally stick his face in DGrandparents dogs water bowl once. Boak.

TwoTearsInABucket Wed 23-Oct-13 14:20:01

Dummies. DS had a dummy till he was 4.5 shock
We let ds and dd into our bed every night. They are 6 and 4.

Missgiraffe1 Wed 23-Oct-13 14:19:43

Another one. I couldn't believe how my DB and DSil allowed sticky fingerprints to remain on their windows/doors for so long.

Fool.
(My mirrored wardrobe door looks like it lost a fight with a banana milkshake hmm)

vladthedisorganised Wed 23-Oct-13 14:15:13

Oh, that too.
No TV before aged 2, of course.
After that DD would very occasionally watch short bursts of educational TV, along with me, so that we could discuss what went on in the programme. No sitting longer than about 5 minutes before we went to do some other, far more interesting, activity.

I don't think switching on CBeebies, seeing Mr Tumble and running from the room was part of my educational agenda.

Spongingbobsunderpants Wed 23-Oct-13 14:11:35

the least I'm too much of a nervous disposition to, lest others things arise to shatter the last bastions of my parenting skills. grin

Missgiraffe1 Wed 23-Oct-13 14:09:51

Eggbird. My saviour. I have several of them recorded. It's is the ONLY way I can empty the dishwasher without DS attempting to climb in it, or run away with a sharp knife!

MissLola Wed 23-Oct-13 14:05:35

I agree with Baby TV!
I used to think how lazy putting your child in front of the telly, now it's like 'sit there and watch cbeebies while I have a hot drink!' (And 5 minutes peace)

TheLeastAccomplishedBennetGirl Wed 23-Oct-13 13:55:07

DD would also have impeccable table manners and accompany us on evenings out to restaurants etc.

She is actually frightened of food smells and can mostly be found under a table and crying if we go anywhere that serves 'stinky food'

*she is autistic though ;)

aturtlenamedmack Wed 23-Oct-13 13:53:23

food in the pushchair - used to think it was awful. Now a greggs dummy is the only way to get ds round the supermarket!

SuffolkNWhat Wed 23-Oct-13 13:47:07

Dummies. No child of mine would be seen wandering around with a bit of plastic shoved in their mouth.

DD is 4 and we are still struggling to get her off hers (admittedly she only has it at night and it falls out after a minute but it's still a fecking dummy)

Missgiraffe1 Wed 23-Oct-13 13:43:51

grin Your responses are making me feel so much better.

(Like the time my Best friends baby started having sleep issues - at 7months!! I had already endured 13months of sleep hell with DS whilst listening to her perfectly reasonable but hugely frustrating accounts of 7/8/9/10 hour stretches of sleep for the last 7 of those!
Is it really so wrong to take comfort in that?! She seemed to think so confused Oops)

HormonalHousewife Wed 23-Oct-13 13:39:51

I would never smell a bottom to see if they had done a poo !

TheLeastAccomplishedBennetGirl Wed 23-Oct-13 13:37:38

You start a thread about it, Sponge

See how Very Wrong We Are :-D

TEErickOrTEEreat Wed 23-Oct-13 13:30:03

The key is admitting, to the people you were smug too, how wrong you were!!! grin

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