Please help. I know that this will sound stupid, but I'm worried that I'm neglecting my DD. She is 6 next month. I'm a ft student in my final year, and single Mum. Last year, I was diagnosed with PTSD because of my neglectful parents and serious sexual abuse in my childhood. I'm having counselling- which is helping loads. But I'm struggling, because there's always so much to do. I live in a council flat where everything is falling apart, needs redecorating etc. It really is a tip, no matter how much I tidy, cook, clean and iron I always feel a huge weight every time I come home. I have spent since 9amtoday tidying stripping beds, vacuuming, mopping floors, polishing and everything, but it's still a tip. My DD never listens to me when I say tidy up, gets everything out and has drawn on the furniture, which I made her clean. So much needs replacing and I just can't afford to, because I'm always overdrawn.
I still have laundry and ironing to do- there's always so much, and my DD needs her uniform doing. No doubt I will be up until 1am doing it. I feel as though I don't understand anything at uni, and that I'm just really, really stupid. There are other Mums on my course (joined this year) and I am always comparing myself to them thinking how much they love their kids more, and have lovey houses, even though I've never been. Most of them are married, and I feel like a failure because I couldn't keep my relationship together. No one even sits next to me in class because I am such a bitch.
My DD always has greasy hair, and no matter what I do, its always a mess. I bath her every day, wash it every other, but I just give up on it. She never looks well looked after, no matter how much I try. I struggle to even buy her shoes, and haven't even got her any winter clothes yet. I bought a coat and boots, but that's it. She's in ft childcare because my third year is so important, and that has been hard to afford. I had to do it because I nearly cracked up last year, it was too much juggling around and my flashbacks got really bad. I'm applying for some help from the uni fund, as soon as I get time to do the form. She doesn't do any after school clubs, or get invited to birthday parties. The mums from school had a night out, and didn't even bother to invite me. I just feel like such a failure. I can't do anything right for her.
My daughter did drama they're a funny bunch. A lot of her year group (I won't sayfriends) were horrible spoilt egotistical brats imo. She did not really enjoy it but stuck it out because she knew what she wanted to do after. She now runs children's work shops and drama groups and puts on plays for the parents. She loves it and is doing really well. But it doesn't come easy I'm afraid. And if you've marked your card with them you might just have to suck it up and keep your head down, focus on your work but don't be bullied by them
There are some lovely people, but yes, there are some spoilt brats, too. They make life hard for everyone, though I do know what I want to do after, so that helps! I'm glad to hear she's doing what she wants.