Is a potty essential for potty training?

(61 Posts)
abigboydidit Tue 15-Oct-13 08:46:32

Just that really. I really don't like pottys and my only (very limited) experience of potty training has been using children's seats over the loo. However, I need to accept that the most tried and tested method is likely to be the most effective, so thought I would do a quick poll!

bearsmum123 Sat 19-Oct-13 14:49:40

Bunbaker your so right, my friends little boy actually developed a stammer when potty training was inflicted on him because the narrow minded staff at hes nursery saw it as a problem that he was not potty trained by 3.
My friend packed the whole thing away and said she'd rather he was happy, a few months later he asked to use the potty himself and was dry and clean within days (no fuss, accidents, being reminded until it just got irritating or loosing the ability to finish a sentence) and still with over a year to spare until primary school started.
I don't understand why a parent who is in tune with what their child is actually ready for has to be seen as lazy.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Sat 19-Oct-13 13:23:45

Whilst it's not a fashionable view, I do believe that there's a difference between "not ready" and "can't be arsed". Basically, a child who just doesn't get it at all without constant reminding is not ready. A child who is usually reliable but has accidents in certain situations (i.e. when on bouncy castle at party and doesn't want to get off) is, in my opinion, ready but needs extra encouragement/reinforcement, and I don't think it pays to quit in the latter situation. Tbh, with DS the matter was out of my hands because where we live they have to be out of nappies for Kindy (min age 2.9). It took a while though to get completely dry. Cracked it around his 3rd birthday, having started at 2.7.

Bunbaker Fri 18-Oct-13 20:38:03

"I disagree with the waiting two of mine potty trained in a few days at just turned two. No more nappies great."

Well, bully for you. I don't agree, not every child is ready at just turned two. I tried DD at that age and she just wasn't ready. I tried her at 2 years 8 months and she cracked it in three days, and she didn't have any accidents after that.

CointreauVersial Fri 18-Oct-13 18:26:07

I hated potties, and I can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of times mine used them (and I have 3 DCs).

Straight to trainer seat on the loo. I had a good sturdy one at home, then a fold-up one for travel.

QueFonda Fri 18-Oct-13 18:13:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewbieMcNewbie Fri 18-Oct-13 18:11:05

My best tip would be to wait. The older they are, the quicker they'll get it. DS was 2.8 and potty training was cracked in a matter of days.

Teapot74 Fri 18-Oct-13 08:49:59

I bribed mine with sweets. Would not ordinarily support that style of parenting. Was horrified when someone 1st suggested it but it worked. (small dolly mixtures 2 for a poo!) Also never get cross. As soon as you're coming to the end of your tether give up go back to nappies and leave it a week or 2.

Bunbaker Thu 17-Oct-13 16:14:04

We had an upstairs bathroom so it wasn't practical to not use a potty. Also DD was tiny and didn't want to sit on the toilet. Just do what works for you.

mathanxiety Thu 17-Oct-13 16:08:32

Women in older generations were often dealing with all cloth nappies (so more work washing and drying than disposables) and were also pressured by rather intrusive HVs to do things according to the book and it makes them nervous to see children and their parents apparently making it all up as they go along. I think many assumed there would be lasting damage done to children if they weren't out of nappies by X age, or feeding themselves, or reading, etc.

There was a culture in years of yore of women following rules that they couldn't and shouldn't question, and seeing younger generations plotting their own courses makes many uncomfortable.

Maybe this is what is bothering your MIL. No matter what, she had her innings and it is your turn now. Whatever is bothering her, it is also her problem. It's up to you to deal with your own child, your way.

mathanxiety Thu 17-Oct-13 15:55:35

I used a little clip-on padded child-size toilet seat on the loo, along with a step stool for height. I didn't bother with a potty because that would have meant re-training with the loo at some point down the line and I couldn't see the sense of that. Mine were all on the petite side and we used the clip on seat for a good while -- until they each decided they were ready for bigger things.

For peeing the DDs sat down and DS stood on the step stool aiming at cheerios and small pieces of tissue paper ('fish').

I did leave a potty right outside the bathroom if I was going to be in there myself for any length of time, but I found it really, really messy, and never used it for the initial training period.

I followed a book called Toilet Training in Less Than a Day by Azrin and Foxx. It took about two weeks in reality, and there was a preparatory period that didn't involve using the loo, a dry run if you will. It was an intense two weeks and I was pretty much homebound for the entire period but it was a positive experience and it worked. I loved the method as it gave me explicit instructions and I felt I wasn't just poking along in the dark. An important aspect of the book was helping the parent/coach discern when the child was ready to embark on learning the new habit.

The focus was on keeping the pants dry rather than producing something in the loo, which if you think about it is what you are aiming for -- whatever goes in the loo goes there in order to keep the pants dry. I think focusing on producing something on the loo as the be all and end all makes children unduly anxious about that part of the process.

The book advocates taking off nappies altogether, night and day, once you get started and though that bit gave me qualms, I lined the little bed with heavy, cheap towels and took the plunge. The authors also pooh-poohed pull ups -- as a ^^pp said, this confuses the child. It also required the learner to be in charge of mopping up accidents and though that made me think of all the possible things that could go wrong it was clear as we progressed that it was a well-thought out aspect of the routine.

VinegarDrinker Thu 17-Oct-13 08:31:21

We used pull ups overnight for a couple of months, to be sure he was ready to be dry at night too (used pull ups rather than nappies so he could get it off in the morning himself to use his potty). But I agree don't use them instead of nappies and expect the child to "get it".

emmyloo2 Thu 17-Oct-13 08:05:59

and agree with poster who said don't use pull-ups. We tried them. Waste of money. He just treated them like a nappy. Go straight to undies. When they are ready, it will happen and it will be much much easier than trying to force it.

sleeplessbunny Wed 16-Oct-13 18:11:42

DD is 2y3m and uses the potty and toilet (with mini-seat) fairly interchangeably. We don't have a downstairs toilet so I keep the potty downstairs. It is important to be superquick when she announces she needs a wee, I reckon about 10 seconds max. It's also useful to take in the car for day trips with unreliable toilet stops.

I do try to make sure she poos in the toilet though, less cleaning.

She started to potty train when a group of her friends at the childminders were starting. I think that really helped, she had a lot of interest. She now refuses to wear a nappy.

VinegarDrinker Wed 16-Oct-13 17:03:31

Agree sophe - I was planning on waiting a while to tackle it with DS, as DD was born when he was 2y4m. However, the day my DH went back to work after paternity leave, my first day with 2 kids when DD was 2 weeks old, was the day DS decided he didn't want nappies.....

Luckily it was pretty stress free with minimal accidents, but still!

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Wed 16-Oct-13 16:29:24

There should be some kind of special parenting award for that Varya. It is way beyond the call of duty, kudos to you and your obviously very small pert behind grin

Varya Wed 16-Oct-13 15:27:26

I physically demonstrated using a potty so my children knew what it was for. Within two weeks they got the hang of it and were 'dry at night' Result!

sophe29 Wed 16-Oct-13 14:43:58

With DD I decided it was time a few months after her 2nd birthday. It was a nightmare. She didn't want the potty or the toilet and had many, many accidents and it went on for months. I subscribed to the theory that once they were out of nappies, don't go back, but clearly I had done this too early for her. I bowed to pressure from my friends with kids the same age all trying to do it as well as my mum telling me I was trained by 18m.hmm

With DS it really couldn't be bothered to do it and he had several big life events happening in the months after his 2nd birthday (new nursery, sister off to school etc) that I wasn't planning on even trying till he was nearly 3. His sister generally used the toilet but the potty had been left out in the bathroom should he ever fancy it but I seriously didn't expect him to for ages. Especially as he was a boy!

However, one day soon after his 2nd birthday, he found some boys pants Id idly bought one day and put in the back of his drawer. He immediately put them on and refused to use a nappy again. He pretty much trained himself in a week (I think because I was so reluctant to let him as I wasn't ready for the hassle we went through with his sister. Nothing spurs a toddler on than a parent who doesn't want him to do something) and he was almost immediately dry at night as well.

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Wed 16-Oct-13 14:40:37

abigboydidit Don't cave under pressure. Stick to your guns. You'll know when he's ready!

We've just come out the other side of potty training and it was soooo much easier than I'd thought it would be. I was dreading it but DS was ready so we only had a few accidents and now he's almost ready for nights too. If in doubt, wait.

Good luck when you do decide to do it. We didn't use anything other than pick'n'mix sweets as rewards and a chart for poos. He is excited to be a big boy.

duvetheaven Wed 16-Oct-13 14:33:05

haven't read the rest of the thread but my one piece of advice is DO NOT USE PULL UPS - just a marketing gimmick and how confusing for the child

gourd Wed 16-Oct-13 12:36:23

Ous didn't want to use a potty at all, but had no problem with toilet - needed help on/off seat at first but after a few weeks was just about tall enough to reach by herelf, using her step. Day one: all wees were on floor, day two: held it all in for 8 hours then small/half wee on floor then begged for nappy to be put on to have a wee in, day three: all wees went in the toilet. No accidents since then - except twice after naps in the first week. Poos took about a month to get them 100% in the toilet though! Night time dryness came by itself about two weeks after initial toilet use (nappy-free in daytime) started, so we stopped putting her in a nappy for nights then as well.

VinegarDrinker Wed 16-Oct-13 11:55:09

The seat does depend on the age/size of your child. DS is a skinny 2y7m, he trained himself 3 months ago & will need a step & toilet seat for a good few months yet (unless he relies on me taking him/lifting him on/holding him which isn't really the point of toilet training which imo is to make my life easier!).

We have an all in one step/seat like the one a PP linked to, it was £15 and means he has been independent in toileting from day 1.

LapinDeBois Wed 16-Oct-13 10:39:51

Nope, no need for potty. Don't need a kids' loo seat for very long, either, so don't spend too much! DS2 is 3.2, ditched the nappies 3 months ago (no potty), and ditched the loo seat a couple of weeks ago. He was just too big for the little seat and tended to get the wee on the floor (or down the inside of the padded seat where it's really hard to clean - big yuk). Ignore your MIL!

Amber76 Wed 16-Oct-13 09:41:06

My daughter is 2 and 6 months - I think she has zero concept of using the toilet. She's completely happy in a wet or dirty nappy - doesn't bother her at all. Am dreading training her, but think i'll just leave it another few months.

abigboydidit Wed 16-Oct-13 08:55:36

Wow. Thanks everyone. I think what this thread is telling me is tha he's not ready and I am just doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do and caving to pressure from MIL blush

emmyloo2 Wed 16-Oct-13 08:00:04

Just toilet trained my DS a few weeks ago. My first tip would be don't rush it. Really, really wait until they are ready. We waited until my DS was 2yrs and 10 months. The magic age according to my DSIL who has 6 kids. We tried half heartedly a few times by getting him to wear undies and having a potty there for wees but he didn't get it. We stopped and then tried again when he hit 2 years and 10 months and it took two days. Honestly, it was really easy and we were so lazy about it. Just one day he decided he wanted to wear undies and then do his wees and poos on the potty. The potty is easier for him but he will use the toilet sometimes and uses the normal toilet when we are out. I don't think the transition to just the toilet will be that hard. I will just wait until he is a bit bigger and then tell him the potty has gone.

I was really geared up for toilet training to be this monstrous disaster and my taking the lazy approach - i.e. just letting him wait until he was ready, it was the easiest thing yet.

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