where can I get help on a Sunday - pnd

(82 Posts)
SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 08:40:23

Having an awful episode this morning. Mornings seem to be the worst time. 2 yo and 7 wo are non stop screaming the flat is a tip I cant even think straight through the hysteria. Doc wants to see me again wed but cant cope til then. Have no family for support and dh is away until next Friday. I am shouting and screaming at my toddler which I hate myself for. I feel desperate and alone and can't see past this hysteria. I have a friend visiting later today but not sure how to cope until 4pm . I hate myself for feeling this way and its non stop crying and screaming. I'm frightening my 2 yo and I hate how scared she looks when I shout at her. Then I collapse in tears and apologises while holding them both as we all cry.i start my day at 3am as baby wakes then and takes 2 hrs to resettle only for toddler to wake for the day at 5am. I cant cope with the NONSTOP SCREAMING!! I feel desperate and like I am losing it. Please help me.

SingSoftKittyToMe Tue 15-Oct-13 06:17:29

I have called cry sis and although the lady wad kibd her advice was "have you tried feeding the baby" and "have you tried swaddling". Still feel very scared but at least I recognise what's wrong.

I'm glad you are slowly finding your way through all this - it sounds so scary for you all.

Have you tried calling Cry-Sis on 08451 228 669. They are open 7 days a week 9am - 10pm and you can speak to someone trained who has experienced similar problems.

SingSoftKittyToMe Tue 15-Oct-13 02:20:31

I spoke with a counseller today and she reckons I have anxiety issues and panic attacks. I also scores reasonably high for depressive tenancies but she thinks that could also just be exhaustion from having a small baby or almost a vicious circle from the panic attacks - guilt from my behaviour during them then feeling low and like a failure. They are going to give me 6 sessions ovee tge phone as well as information on how to deal with the panic attacks.

I'm so glad, it seems like you had a good afternoon!

of course your little girl is forgiving, you're her whole world! but all the more reason to get help now so you shouting at her doesn't become the norm.

and there's a very good reason for you that mornings are the worst...they start at a ridiculous time! but my mornings generally start around 6.30 and are still often stressful, I find both children need so much more attention in the morning..perhaps reconnecting after sleep? DS gets more badly behaved and antsy around my feet the longer we stay indoors and DD gets clingy and tearful because she needs a nap quite soon after waking for the day. I thought I was the only one but have spoken to others who find the same. I've had some success with getting most things ready the night before - Clothes for the children and for me, breakfast prepped as much as possible, snack packed in my bag and quick check that I have everything I need in there to just grab and go. so in the morning it's not such a rush, and my tip would be just get out of the house as soon as possible in the morning. go to playgroup, the library, a park, just for a walk - whatever...the aim for me is to let DD nap and let DS feel that all my focus is on him, so a walk is perfect. I've found I've started to make friends at groups or at least see people regularly enough that they're a friendly face and have often found people offering to hold the baby while I play with the toddler or watch the toddler while I feed the baby. it makes such a difference to my stress levels if I get out asap

are you seeing the GP today? please don't suffer in silence, there's help out there you just have to keep pushing for it sometimes. your HV Can tell you about homestart, perhaps there's a local children's centre nearby or soft play?

have you spoken to DH yet? please do call on your friends again, they're there for the bad times as well as the good grin

Choos123 Sun 13-Oct-13 19:41:21

Mornings were always worst for me, I think it is tiredness and that feeling of already being tired at the start. Ps if your toddler was not being gentle with the baby, I can understand the frustration too, I've only got one and have shouted at her in the past, don't dwell on it.

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Oct-13 19:32:56

Glad things worked out in the end today. You've obviously got some pretty brilliant friends - don't think twice about asking them for help at this difficult time. Think if it was the other way round you would really want to do everything you could.

Oh and I lost my temper with my 21 month old this morning. I don't have a 7 week old I was just tired and grumpy blush . Don't beat yourself up, guilt is such a big part of pnd but its shit, you didnt ask to be ill.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 19:21:02

Thank you all so much. Two friends visited me in the end was very lucky. Toddler napped for 2 hrs which was fantastic but baby continued to scream pretty much until 4pm. After my friend left I put baby in carrier and went to the shops with dd. Baby fell asleep and when we got home I put baby down in moses with the hairdryer app noise - miraculously slept until 7pm! I managed to cuddle toddler and do bath and bedtime in peace. I cries out of guilt for shouting at dd and repeatedly dragging her away from baby today. She was so forgiving and kind and cuddled me still after hpw horrible I was. Am now bfing baby.

Mornings always seem to be the worst - I can't cope with the smallest thing. Why is this? Is it a hormone thing or just tiredness?

Thank you all again you helped cope when I was at my lowest.

PloddingDaily Sun 13-Oct-13 17:54:13

How are things Singsoft? I hope the day has gone better than you expected. (if not then hold on to the thought that it's another day you've managed to get through so that's a good thing too!). Keeping my fingers crossed that you manage to get some good sleep tonight & your gp is helpful tomorrow. Take care xx

sorry that failed miserably, search for robopax on Amazon or ebay

hope your toddler has managed a nap OP. I know how your instincts are to protect your baby and of course you must but your toddler needs you just as much as she ever did. she's probably interested in the baby because you are understandably so busy with him/her and any kind of reaction from you will be better than none.

this is so hard because your baby needs all of you all of the time, your toddler needs the same, but if you don't get any time for yourself you are going to burn out. can your friend stay for a bit? are there any other friends or relations you can call on just for company and maybe a chat? of course this depends on your personality and relationships with people, I'm the kind to invite someone round with the intention of telling them I'm finding it hard and please can they play with/hold a child while I drink a cup of tea and in reality I make them tea, listen to their problems and end up in more of a state because I've got even less attention for my DC who already need so much!

I think the others are right you need to at least give your DH an update of how you're coping and give him the chance to help in some way even if it's to suggest someone to ask over if he can't get home. I also think you should be down at the GP surgery first thing tomorrow. I wish I was closer to London and didn't have sick children because I'd be offering to come and do whatever I could to make things better, I've been there and it really does feel like the world is ending frequently but I promise you it's not

if I have any more children I'm going to get one of those things that go under the pushchair to rock it back and forth to help baby to sleep hands free, and white noise is always good, you can download some online or get relatively cheap CDs which can help

keep us updated OP, thinking of you smile

PloddingDaily Sun 13-Oct-13 13:29:38

So glad to hear your friend arrived - fingers crossed that you managed to get a bit of a rest with a pair of helping hands around. It's really, really hard work with two little ones & pnd, & the fact that you're reached out for help tells me you are a good mum who cares about her kids - don't lose sight of that & try not to beat yourself up. I really hope things get easier for you & soon, I remember what it's like. Be kind to yourself, you're doing well, the pnd is the problem not you. Xx

domesticslattern Sun 13-Oct-13 12:40:35

Fantastic.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 12:34:20

One of my best friend's just turned up and I byrst into tears hugging her for like 5 mins. Shes helping whole I get toddler down for a nap which is a massive help. Lifesaver.

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 12:24:12

http://www.likeminders.co.uk/babysitting/emergency-last-minute-childcare/

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 12:22:11

How old is toddler? Can they go and play at a friends for an hour or two? Does baby need a feed now? Can you do skin to skin with a kids program on and let baby feed - toddler will calm down - does toddler still nap? Can you put toddler for a sleep?

Can you write you OH an email with your thoughts so he gets when he next checks?

There is a last minute babysitting service in London - will post name you book on line so don't have to talk to anyone?

NutritiousAndDelicious Sun 13-Oct-13 12:01:09

Where abouts in London are you OP?

78bunion Sun 13-Oct-13 11:56:56

If you are up to it and the baby is still breastfeeding just sit there with it feeding then for as long as it takes. That normally stops crying. Other than that I found walking it around in a sling on my body whilst I hoovered usually got it to sleep (or a walk in the pram or buggy but you probably don't feel up to that).

I wouldn't worry about what people think about you at all.
If you've been shouting at the toddler just say less or nothing and put the baby somewhere the toddler can't hurt like in a sling attached to your body. Most of all you need some peace and rest and a break from them. I am sure every parent on mumsnet will have shouted at their small children at some time when they shouldn't have done. Don't worry about it. Just try to be calm and silent and think of things the toddler can do to keep entertained.

domesticslattern Sun 13-Oct-13 11:55:01

Where are you in London?

Badvoc Sun 13-Oct-13 11:54:29

If you feel you may hurt your toddler you must get help....now.
Phone NHS direct and ask them for help.
You aren't a bad mum...babies cry.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:51:08

Baby just won't sleep in her pram. Just cries for hours in there and people look at me like im a bad mum for not picking baby up.

Wishfulmakeupping Sun 13-Oct-13 11:50:56

If you feel like you can't wait call ooh dr OP.
whereabouts in london -are there any munsnettersnearby? X

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:49:39

I'm scared because I've been rough with my toddler - dragging her away from the baby when shes suffocating or prodding at the baby. Plus I've shouted at her all morning and made her cry which makes me ashamed.

Badvoc Sun 13-Oct-13 11:48:03

Actually getting out may help, even in the rain.
Can you make sure you are all wearing wellies, rainproof coats etc and then let your toddler just splash in puddles?
Then hopefully the baby may sleep.
And some fresh air may do you good too.
I'm so sorry op, I've been there and it's a dark, dark lonely place x
Will the toddler play with playdoh/watch cbeebies when you get back to give you break?
Cbeebies is my lifeline! smile

zoesmum2012 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:47:42

Do you have any thoughts of hurting them yourself ? Is so how strong if so you need to call nhs 24 or out of hrs social care both will give you the help you need how's things now ? Stay safe thinking of you

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