where can I get help on a Sunday - pnd

(82 Posts)
SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 08:40:23

Having an awful episode this morning. Mornings seem to be the worst time. 2 yo and 7 wo are non stop screaming the flat is a tip I cant even think straight through the hysteria. Doc wants to see me again wed but cant cope til then. Have no family for support and dh is away until next Friday. I am shouting and screaming at my toddler which I hate myself for. I feel desperate and alone and can't see past this hysteria. I have a friend visiting later today but not sure how to cope until 4pm . I hate myself for feeling this way and its non stop crying and screaming. I'm frightening my 2 yo and I hate how scared she looks when I shout at her. Then I collapse in tears and apologises while holding them both as we all cry.i start my day at 3am as baby wakes then and takes 2 hrs to resettle only for toddler to wake for the day at 5am. I cant cope with the NONSTOP SCREAMING!! I feel desperate and like I am losing it. Please help me.

dhisaconspiracytheorist Sun 13-Oct-13 10:13:46

Can you confide in one of the nct group? I'm sure there are others similar to you, just good at pretending at coffee mornings...

notapizzaeater Sun 13-Oct-13 10:23:54

But they won't be coping honestly, they might have a lovely cloak on but I bet some of them are struggling too but just won't admit it. My ds screamed everyday for 4/5 hours, he had horrific colic and just would not sleep - it was Hell, so much so he's an only child because I just could not go back there. The baby group I went to (took months, how did these woman get out of the house before 11 ???) I walked into happy smily perfect baby land, I came home my self esteem even more on the floor, vowing never to go back. The next day whilst walking the streets (went out for hours just to have peace) I bumped into another of the mums (turns out doing the same thing) we got talking and transpired her ds slept for no more than 90 mins ever, morning was about 4am and nothing would get him back down. I could have kissed her, other people don't have perfect babies, they don't all have immaculate houses. I went home that day and everything seemed so much better.

Can you take the kids out anywhere ? Soft play, shopping centre ? Anywhere just to take pressure off ..

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Oct-13 10:24:05

Your nct group aren't coping as well as they pretend.

Things are tough for you at the moment, pnd and 2 babies. Everyone has bad days especially on Sundays when its tipping it down.

Have you got a timetable for the rest of the week?

notapizzaeater Sun 13-Oct-13 10:25:26

Where are you, I'm in West Yorkshire, I could come over for a couple of hours so you can relax a bit ?

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Oct-13 10:26:14

Also I think you need to consider getting dh home.

PloddingDaily Sun 13-Oct-13 10:26:49

Well done SingSoft, the hairdryer was a brilliant idea! You are definitely NOT failing, pnd is bloody awful (been there) & like you I felt like my nct group were if not sailing along, at least doing fine & it felt like they dropped me like a hot stone in case pnd was contagious- a horribly isolating viscious cycle.
All I can suggest is to find coping strategies that work for you - lower your expectations to get you through this blip -ie now is not the time to stress about not being the nct 'perfect zen calm organic earth mummy' (she doesn't exist anyway!) ... cbeebie / dvds to help buy you time, don't sweat the small stuff, this is about getting through the days til things lift - and they will. Do see your gp tomorrow - tell the receptionist it can't wait.

Do you have a vibrating bouncy chair? My ds was a very collicky screamy baby & the chair was a godsend - think it helped with position etc being more upright...gave me some hands free time too.

Honestly, it does get better - and I think you're doing really well - I wish I'd thought of the hairdryer! wink I will be thinking of you today - I'm sure lots of us will - you're not on your own any more - you can do this!

LadyMetroland Sun 13-Oct-13 10:28:46

What you are feeling is very very normal

I didn't have pnd but the lack of sleep has often driven me to shout at my very young children and I often feel frazzled and on 'high alert'.

cBeebies is your friend and I would make full use of sticking it on and leaving your toddler in front of the tv. It won't hurt longterm.

If you have a car then stick them in it and go for a long drive. Or take them to soft play?

Really feel for you op.

Munxx Sun 13-Oct-13 10:36:33

You are doing brilliantly.

I have been where you are, my DH works away and I had a new born and a 20 mo. I know the panic, the shouting and then the guilt.

I remember sitting all three of us crying.

It does get better, that I promise you.

But for now, you need some quick fix solutions. It can seem almost undo able to get coats on and get out. But out is so much better than in! Even the supermarket?

My NCT group were amazing, I was on my second baby they on their first but the support I got was immense and I only had to ask. I felt awful and embarrassed sometimes asking but on the other hand if they have their DH to help and you don't even if they have other children they could come round for a bit. Just text them, you never know.

I am a planner and planned something everyday. Usually the morning. But I know the fear, the panic and the utter helplessness you feel when you see a whole day ahead of you and you just don't the you'll cope.

I just wish I could help.

Munxx Sun 13-Oct-13 10:40:16

Have read through everyone's else's suggestions properly now OP there's some great advice there.

Nice our DC are exactly the same age, your words to the OP are brilliant. Thank you, I will use some of your techniques! You are so right it does get better bit by bit.

MN can be brilliant sometimes, today is one of those days.

Buglugs Sun 13-Oct-13 10:46:44

hHelpline for pnd. Says it is open now.

78bunion Sun 13-Oct-13 10:55:59

Very good advice on here. If you feel terrible it can be better to put the baby in its basket even if it is crying, close the door, ignore it - better than shouting at it; perhaps get in a warm bath with the toddler.

5madthings Sun 13-Oct-13 10:56:26

where are you?

if you are near me i will come and help.

am in norwich.

getting out for a walk is always good but not in the pissing rain, that just sucks and getting in out of wet coats etc...ughhh.

a church is actually a good idea, my local one runs a toddler group and i know on a sunday they do a creche. the ladies that run the toddler group are lovely and if you arrived i promise you there would be willing hands to hold baby and get you a cup of tea and some cake.

your gp needs to refer you to mental health team as they have a crisis team you can call on days like this ( i did whwn i had pnp and pnd after ds4)

do you have homestart in your area? the hv can arrange someonw for you.

deep breathes and just do whatever it takes, if tgats tv all day and cereal for bfast, lunch and dinner thats fine.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:00:14

Hairdryer worked for 15 mins. Toddler is stoll in hysterics and baby is back to screaming. Toddler won't stop poking or pulling him or suffocating hin I canr even turn my back for 2 mins. Baby doesn't want milk walking around in a panic with one boob out. My friends who are supposed to cone round have no just cancelled. I have no one I don't want this anymore!! I feel like im being punished.

Waffling Sun 13-Oct-13 11:06:32

Can you hire a babysitter to come around now, so you can sleep?

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:07:47

bugs the number didn't work.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:09:04

I hired a mothers help yesterday spent £100 and ran around the house doing laundry cleaning cooking etc.

CurlyFox Sun 13-Oct-13 11:09:22

Where are you? Can you put the Tv on to distract toddler? Hugs

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:09:52

I live in London. Thank you for offers of help though. I feel very much like walking out.

CurlyFox Sun 13-Oct-13 11:11:27

I think we all have days when we want to walk out. It's very hard having two young children constantly crying and demanding your attention, and you aren't alone you've got all of us on MN

Waffling Sun 13-Oct-13 11:11:39

You need to tell your H to come home. Tell your friend it's an emergency, that you need help.

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:11:44

If the baby settles in the carrier put it on in the house, put your fav music on and just carry on with a few mundane things with the baby in the carrier, she/he may settle by just being close to you, stop trying to feed for a bit- confusingly babies act like they want to feed when it can be wind etc - change nappy, make sure warm clothes - babygro and try the carrier, time seems to go slow when it all happen so set your phone or oven timer and give it 15 minutes - as sometimes we chop and change and everyone is confused -

With the toddler, I would out on CBBC or what she/he watches normally- give a snack in a bowl and a drink and as long as safe room just find a bit of space- your priority is the newborn -

When I had a similar situation 15 month old and 4 week old - someone on here just said I was doing too much and to stop trying to intervene with the baby that sometimes babies cry - I know the noise is annoying but it will pass and setting a timer helps keep it in perspective -

If after 15 minutes in carrier with movement baby is still crying, I would run a bath and both you and baby slide into it - have books/toys next to bath for toddler -

Keep us posted we have all been here - honest

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:12:03

The tv has been on since 5am. I have read her 3 books but all she wants to do is push and prod the baby. I can't do anything but cry and type at the moment. Feel like this is my lifeline. Toddler keeps saying mummy's crying over and over again.

CurlyFox Sun 13-Oct-13 11:13:29

Can your neighbours help at all? I agree call your friend back and say you really need them to come round

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:13:53

Sorry for typos -

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:17:51

What normally settles toddler? I know you are stressed and this is horrid but it will change, can you try and get toddler involved and say now you are big you can help mummy and teach toddler to get nappy or similar?

Or to get moment of time alone, play hide and seek with toddler, she goes and hides or you hide her fav teddy and she goes and finds - keeps her away from baby?

Baby could be in bouncy chair or on you- whatever works -

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