where can I get help on a Sunday - pnd

(82 Posts)
SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 08:40:23

Having an awful episode this morning. Mornings seem to be the worst time. 2 yo and 7 wo are non stop screaming the flat is a tip I cant even think straight through the hysteria. Doc wants to see me again wed but cant cope til then. Have no family for support and dh is away until next Friday. I am shouting and screaming at my toddler which I hate myself for. I feel desperate and alone and can't see past this hysteria. I have a friend visiting later today but not sure how to cope until 4pm . I hate myself for feeling this way and its non stop crying and screaming. I'm frightening my 2 yo and I hate how scared she looks when I shout at her. Then I collapse in tears and apologises while holding them both as we all cry.i start my day at 3am as baby wakes then and takes 2 hrs to resettle only for toddler to wake for the day at 5am. I cant cope with the NONSTOP SCREAMING!! I feel desperate and like I am losing it. Please help me.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 08:44:31

OK - deep breathes.

Can you get the children in to cots etc - somewhere safe. Then call your friend or your mum to come over now and help you. Make some tea and toast so you've had something to eat.

I am wondering about calling the out of hours GP but think you are best to get some practical help now and then get an emergency GP app for Monday morning. They can hopefully then refer you to people who can help - sure start etc

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 08:47:14

Sorry - just seen no family support so ignore the mum suggestion.

Where is DH? Can he get home? Once your friend has come, you can assess the situation re asking him to. However, I do find the screaming can die down and a hour later everyone can be feeling a lot better

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 08:48:18

My mother and sister aren't speaking to me. I could put them in separate cots but then they'd still be crying and hysterical. ..why am I failing so badly?! Its awful here and dh is abroad so cant call as its the middle of the night there. I can't get myself out of this and feel so desperate! STOP SCREAMING FFS!!!

Do you have a double pram? I would take them for a walk, that should help calm their screaming or put them in their cots, close the door and take 10 mins to have a cup of tea and breathe

lola88 Sun 13-Oct-13 08:50:11

mcould you put their coats on over pj's even, pull some jeans on hair in a pony tail and go a walk, When ds used to scream every morning I would go out for a walk to clear my head wide open spaces helped I couldn't function in a small house that was a mess. Take your phone and call someone to help or just vent to. I also used to call DP and rant that DS was driving me nuts it helped to get it out instead of taking it out on DS.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 08:52:43

Put them in the cots just to let you call your friend and get something to eat.

If your friend can't come over now, I second a walk

Nameagain Sun 13-Oct-13 08:53:11

Thinking of you, I have a toddler and newborn and the tiredness is bone numbing.

Not sure about practical suggestions as my brain is mush from tiredness but my heart goes out to you and hope you find some peace soon.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 08:54:59

Baby screans hysterically in her pram and will only settle in her carrier if walked at a certain speed but its raining heavily outside so cant take her out as she'll get soaked. Toddler walks very slowly so needs the pram so I cant put an umbrella up im rambling now and on the verge of screaming at toddler again as she keeps taking the baby's fucking socks and clothes off!! I hate myself and have no one to call other than the samaritans who I call daily. I keep hopibg a neighbour will knock on the door so someone will give me a hug. I can't type through the tears and hysteria here.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 08:55:03

YOU ARE NOT FAILING. Please keep repeating that to yourself.

Seriously, I'm rude and would say if you were grin

In that case definetly separate cots, close door and get 10 mins to yourself

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 08:58:24

Try and calm down easier said than done

Fuck the socks. Is the baby safe? Big sister not trying to poke her in the eye at the same time as removing said socks?

If you can't put them in the cot to call friend then put cbeebies on and give toddler a snack so toucan at least get something to eat/try and get baby to sleep

Where is DH's family. Can they help?

lola88 Sun 13-Oct-13 09:01:31

This is really bad but I used to like when it rained because the rain cover muffled the crying and people couldn't notice I was crying too... I tell you this so you know your not alone in feeling snowed under.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 09:01:43

Try and calm down easier said than done

Fuck the socks. Is the baby safe? Big sister not trying to poke her in the eye at the same time as removing said socks?

If you can't put them in the cot to call friend then put cbeebies on and give toddler a snack so toucan at least get something to eat/try and get baby to sleep

Where is DH's family. Can they help?

Choos123 Sun 13-Oct-13 09:02:06

Sorry not sure who you can call except your dh, have you told dh how hard it is? Can you afford to get any paid help? For right now, can you put some music or the tv on and try and distract them? Remember you can walk away for a few minutes when they are screaming, especially if the room is baby proofed etc.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 09:04:09

If you have a double pram, I'd get them both in it and get out - sounds like they'll scream inside or out so better out

Re the baby liking to be held upright plus the screaming - has the GP looked at her for reflux?

lifesobeautiful Sun 13-Oct-13 09:08:22

You poor poor thing. Very tough times. I think desperate times call for desperate measures - well at least strong measures.

I would put them both in their cots (if they're fed, warm and safe there). Give the toddler some books/toys/ipad and explain you'll be back in just a moment. Give them both a big kiss and then shut the doors.

Switch some music on (happy music) so you can't hear the protests. And take 10/15/20 minutes to calm down. Crying for a short time will not harm them and you need a break right now.

Have a cup of tea. Get dressed. Splash your face with water. Brush your hair/teeth. Put some perfume on. Anything to lift your spirits. Perhaps even tidy up your flat a little so you feel more in control. Open a window. Take some deep breaths.

Then try and start the day again. Get them both dressed so they're ready to go out - and when the rain eases off go for a walk. Have a coffee somewhere. Just get out and get some fresh air.

Thinking of you.

dhisaconspiracytheorist Sun 13-Oct-13 09:17:21

Some churches near me have creches and are full of people who would try and help and wouldn't mind if you didn't want to do the religion but just sit in the creche with a coffee...

lifesobeautiful Sun 13-Oct-13 09:20:43

Also, sometimes when I'm at the end of my tether (and I dont' suffer from depression so I know you're in a different more difficult situation) I switch some music on (Absolute 80s - loudly!) and I take the toddler and baby and dance in the kitchen! Toddler finds it great fun and hilarious - and it lifts spirits! Weird but works for me.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar boat a few months ago, DD is nearly a year old now and I've just under 21 months between her and DS (2.8) - I didn't have PND but I was suffering with extreme anxiety, stress and it turned out I also had complex post traumatic stress disorder as a result of my own crappy childhood. I would like to reassure you that it gets so much better...it happens so slowly that you don't really notice but it does get easier with time.

I've been having hypnotherapy and have taken up meditation - I realised my main 'problem' was I was spending most of the time in 'fight, flight or freeze' - it seemed like EVERYTHINGWASANEMERGENCY ALLOFTHETIME, my stress levels were through the roof, I was pacing the floor, always on the move, always in a high state of alert. it's great that you're getting help from your GP but you can do some things for yourself.

the first thing you need to do like a pp said is to calm down. it's so hard when you're pumped full of adrenaline but what helped me was to root my feet to the floor, breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, blow breath out through your mouth slowly for a count of 12. sit down if you can, I know it's hard when both children are screaming at once and all you can think is 'STOP SCREAMING!!' but it's NOT an emergency, you need to mentally rise above it. when you've done a few breaths like that you should start to feel your heartrate slow down, it should become easier to start to find calm.

honestly I do know how impossible this sounds, but your children need YOU to be grounded, calm and a satellite for them to come back to when their emotions take them somewhere scary. at the moment you are matching their emotional state and there's nowhere safe for anyone to come down to. your emotional state does not need to be this high, there is no panic - they're crying because they need you to guide them, and you can do it - I know it can be done because I was almost exactly where you are now a few months ago. my poor 2-year-old was shouted at more in a few months than I ever wanted to shout at my children in a lifetime sad but it's repairable if you get it sorted now. according to my hypnotherapist children are building their sense of how the world works between the ages of 2 and 7.. now is the time to get yourself sorted, it's not too late.

can you ask your friend to come a bit earlier?

I found a good video on YouTube, I'll try and find a link for you - some nutty woman wink who made so much sense when she talked about a child screaming and all we can think about is making it stop and all our energies go into that when actually there's often nothing we can do to make it stop, she talks of how to stay calm and 'allow' your child to cry safely in your arms. but as others say it's ok to leave them somewhere safe in the house while you take 5 mins to compose yourself

I second getting out of the house, if you've got a sling stick baby in that and toddler in the pushchair wrapped up with a coat over you and baby (raincoat backwards maybe?) and raincover on pushchair and just walk s.l.o.w.l.y - the fresh air will do you all good

I really hope you start to feel better soon and can find some way of feeling calmer right now. ask your friend for practical help (mainly playing with toddler) if you feel you can and if you've a DH be sure to tell him how you're feeling and that you need practical support, and get back to the GP as soon as you can and don't leave until you get referred to someone who can really help - in my case it was a psychiatric nurse who told me it was likely the help I needed wouldn't be covered on the NHS, most hypnotherapists have a sliding scale to make it a little more affordable, it has been worth 100 times what I've paid for it because I've got my life back and my children are better cared for. also check out www.getsomeheadspace.com for meditation - it's worked wonders for me

you don't need to suffer alone smile

here's that link grin

Rewindtimeplease Sun 13-Oct-13 09:50:49

My poor girl, I wish I could give you a hug.

What about a bath. All three of you in there.
Then get out, TV on and snack.

It might work, it might not. But worth a go and way of breaking this immediate scenario x

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 10:09:13

Out of desperation I put baby in her moses and switched on the hairdryer to drown out the noise and she fell asleep! Only been 15 mins so far but that's given me some time to calm down and hug my toddler. I can't believe the state I get in...I need to speak to a professional I think to get better coping strategies and possibly AD but for now at least its quiet...really hope baby stays down for a bit. Thank you ladies for talking me through this. I feel like I'm failing miserably at having 2 small children and all my nct group seem to be coping just fine.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 10:12:53

nice that is exactly how I feel like everything is an emergency and constantly frazzled.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 10:13:14

Baby's woken up. Could cry.

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