Support thread for those with a toddler and a baby

(49 Posts)
PrincessRomy Thu 10-Oct-13 20:46:00

Apologies if there already is one....

Since ds was born 10 weeks ago, on the day before dd's second birthday, life has changed somewhat. I've found lots of support on mn, started threads myself but also been aware of the many other threads started my those in a similar position to me.

These threads seem to have a theme... What the fuck is going on? How am I meant to deal with constantly feeding/needing to be picked up/waking every 2 hours baby and lively/up at 6am/needing constant entertaining toddler?

Thought it might be nice to have a thread where we can share, vent, swap tips and write our problems down. Just knowing that others are finding some days as hard as I am has been extremely helpful.

MrsPennyapple Fri 18-Oct-13 22:34:35

Welcome MadameJ, sorry to hear your DD1 is poorly, hope she is better soon and you get a better night's sleep tonight.

My day has been ok today, I took DD to feed the ducks this morning, and then this afternoon we went to meet a friend for coffee.

DH has promised to get up with DS (10 weeks old) in the morning so I can have a lie in. I'm almost giddy at the thought!

MadameJ Fri 18-Oct-13 08:25:19

Can I join please, I have dd1 (2.8y) & 16 week dd. It was going really well but dd1 has croup and dd2 has hit the 4 month sleep regression with a bang and waking 4/5 times per night and obviously dd1 has being up loads coughing so I'm shattered. I massively struggle with bedtime as dd2 cluster feeds and dd1 likes me to do stories/bedtime so it is very stressful!

isitme1 Thu 17-Oct-13 04:11:01

The trick that I use is make sure they have had their feeds. Well at least the baby. Ds1 I can pop his feed on while out ans about. Ds2 sleeps for around 4-5hourswhile in the pram and by that time im home again.

Bedtime was hard last night as ds2 was quite sickly. He was sick a lot after feeds but not full feeds but last 2feeds that I gave were full. On top kf that ds1 needed changing, sick needee cleaning, ds1 milk making and putting on, ds2 clothes changing....

X

MrsPennyapple Tue 15-Oct-13 10:10:21

Exactly, Miaow. Noone needs to know that I had to unlock the house and go back inside THREE TIMES to get things I'd forgotten.

I went round to a friend's house one night last week, and baked some cupcakes to take with me - she called me supermum, and said how amazing it was that I had found time to bake, with a toddler and a newborn! She hasn't seen the state of the house. I also have a very helpful DH, which I know is not the case for everyone.

MiaowTheCat Tue 15-Oct-13 07:38:08

The bit I hold onto is that to everyone else you look like superwoman whenever you make it out of the house with a small age gap. They don't see the fact it's taken you an hour to get sorted to walk down the street or the chaos of bedtimes, they're just thinking how blooming good you are and that they couldn't cope with it!

Finally got dd2 to sleep 6-6 last night without her 3am cot party so I'm feeling masses better for a solid block of sleep. If she keeps it up we can think about getting them roomed in together, which dh is going to take time off work to help me sort out.

GreenSunrise Tue 15-Oct-13 03:17:00

Watching with interest for lots of tips. I have a 2.5 year old D S and a 2 day old D D - got out of hospital this evening and she has been cluster feeding since we got home. D H is on paternity leave, my mum is here for a few days to help out and tomorrow is one of D S's nursery days so I realise that I will have a gentle introduction to the toddler and baby situation and I expect it to get a lot more challenging in the next few weeks!

SingSoftKittyToMe Tue 15-Oct-13 02:14:58

23 mmth old and 7 week old. Managed the library yoday and not much else. Every day is a struggle atm.

tinytumble Mon 14-Oct-13 21:35:56

I did solo bedtime today & always feel so guilty that neither of them get full attention and both have their routines curtailed - DS1 gets thrown in the bath and extracted 5 mins later, DS2 has to wait for his feed until DS1 settled in bed. Both were down by 7.30, which was a relief, but the guilt still niggles. Ah, the guilt...

MrsPennyapple Mon 14-Oct-13 20:33:00

Thanks for the tips on doing bedtime on your own. I haven't had to do it by myself yet, but sooner or later I'll need to, and I had been wondering how to tackle it. DS isn't really in a bedtime routine yet, he still sleeps in his bouncy chair for a while before being taken upstairs when we go to bed. I keep thinking we need to get some kind of structure in place.

We went to mums & tots this morning, that took us up to lunch time, then DD watched some CBeebies, and then we played with plasticine. The only housework I got done was vacuuming the living room and washing & drying one load of laundry.

tinytumble Mon 14-Oct-13 14:51:57

Can I join? Have a 23mo DS1 & a 12wo DS2. Today has been a screamfest, have given in to bloody peppa pig yet again while I express some milk but going to go and jump in some muddy puddles ourselves I think. Need to be out of the house! Anyone else feel this weird almost-manic sense that you never stop moving?

princessx Mon 14-Oct-13 14:34:52

Hi all, I have a 2.5dd and a 9mrh baby and things are great! Possibly viewing things through rose-tinted glasses as about to go back to work and send them into daycare (breaking my heart)
I have actually only just started going to play groups now as it was too hard when the baby was younger.

MiaowTheCat Mon 14-Oct-13 10:49:03

Bedtimes suck if I have to do it solo. Thankfully dd1 has always been good self settling so it's pop baby in cot temporarily and hope she zonks out which she does if you get the timing spot on, go settle dd1 quickly and return to sort out baby, keeping an eye on dd1 on the monitor. Until very recently dd2 had daytime naps in a travel cot in the lounge as supervising the toddler while settling her was impossible solo, but now she's that bit older and will egg dd1 on giggling at daftness its really no longer a goer unless its toddler nap time as well, so I have to pop TV on to keep toddler in a holding pattern and keep running up and downstairs between the two. I counted on Friday and it was 27 times by lunchtime.

Trying to get the pair of them to start to room share which is not going well. Dd2 still wakes up and disturbs dd1 and then they feed off each other with giggling and dd1 arsing about showing off. Realistically I just need to grit teeth and ride that one out but not there yet so this weeks were back in separate rooms for daytime naps again and then I'll retry daytime naps first.

lovesteaandcake Mon 14-Oct-13 09:33:46

Thanks mumofboyo. That sounds very organised. I'm slowly adjusting to doing things differently, & that sounds like a good idea. Letting DD2 cry is hard as like you say they just have to be left sometimes unlike when it was just me & DD1.

Bedtimes are hard because if one is crying, then the other one does too. It is hard at the moment because DD2 is still too young to be in any sort of feeding routine, so I can't plan anything. I just need to deal with whatever happens when I'm faced with it.

I did consider feeding DD2 whilst sitting in bed with DD1, but I appear to be totally useless at doing anything else whilst feeding. Maybe it's the positioning, but unless I'm surrounded by cushions, I don't seem to be able to hold DD for feeds.
I think I will contact my BF support team for advice. This also applies to feeding whilst out & about.

PrincessRomy Mon 14-Oct-13 07:58:00

Hello!

I'm so nicking the tea party picnic idea for lunch today.

We've been up since half five, I've already done play dough, duplo and dd helping change ds. Succumbed to cbeebies for a little bit of rest!

Going to trek to the park later then come back for picnic lunch. Hopefully dd will nap after that.

It's after nap time I find it so hard to get motivated to do it all again in the afternoon.

JollyScaryGiant Mon 14-Oct-13 01:27:51

Signing in!

DS is 2.6. DD is 7w.

isitme1 Mon 14-Oct-13 01:14:50

Thats a very good routine for bathing both
Dh is useless with helping as hes on his feet all day. He will do more with eldest so I can get cracking with baby.
I have a small baby bath which I use in the bedroom while ds1 was occupied watching tv/ipad/helping me. Once baby was bathed I would give ds1 a shower amd then bed. Unfortunately if I read ds1 a story he gets too excited, doesn't fall asleep amd will not stop til ive readit ocover and over and over again!
I suppose our routine could be better but hey ho.

Ds1 still recovering from anesthetic and is still sick
And yep baby has to cry if im sorting ds1.
X
Welcome to all newbies x

ElBombero Sun 13-Oct-13 22:10:46

MrsPenny how cute, I'm going to do that with DD next week....

mumofboyo Sun 13-Oct-13 22:02:19

For PhD read pjs. Sorry!

ElBombero Sun 13-Oct-13 22:00:21

Marking place have a 2.7yr old cheeky gorgeous DD and a 5 week old DS.

mumofboyo Sun 13-Oct-13 21:55:48

lovesteaandcake, does your dd 1 feed herself reliably? I'm just asking because you could use that to your advantage.
In the early days when I had to bathe both dc alone, I'd do the following routine:
Earlier in the day, get all the bathtime/nighttime stuff together (both nappies, bum and eczema creams, both sets of PhD) and take upstairs, open up the nappies, lay it all out ready for use. I'd do it when one or both dc were napping.
Take both upstairs, perhaps put baby in a cot/moses basket/bouncy chair and toddler helping fill the bath.
Bathe both dc together. Toddler can splash about and play with the toys, or even help wash baby, while you wash baby quickly.
Get baby out, dried, nappy on, creamed up and dressed in the bathroom if poss, or just at the bathroom door, whilst toddler still in the bath. Put baby in the nearby holding place (crying if needs be, unfortunately there will be times when you have to sort out your toddler and let your baby cry a while, more than you ever did with pfb) as you quickly wash toddler.
Get toddler dry, nappy on, cream on and dressed, then she walks/climbs downstairs whilst you carry baby down (sort out the bathroom bombsite later on).
Give toddler her supper and milk and simultaneously read her a story whilst feeding the baby.
Toddler in bed, then continue to feed and settle baby before putting her down.
Tidy bathroom, downstairs, get everything ready for morning, eat your own tea/supper and then collapse on the settee. Job done.

roweeena Sun 13-Oct-13 21:20:21

Hi lovestea I don't know that I have a solution as DH hasn't gone back to work yet but when he does I will have to do about 3 bedtimes per week on my own - and I'm dreading it!

My plan is to feed whilst DS1 is in the bath, I'm also going to buy a big bean bag so I can feed and read DS1 stories at the same time.

lovesteaandcake Sun 13-Oct-13 20:23:03

Can I join please. smile
I have DD1 who is 2.4 & DD2 who is 3 weeks old.
DD2 seems to feed a lot more then I remember DD1 doing, but then she is much bigger. I am breastfeeding but feel totally exhausted from all the feeds and the winding. They say BF babies shouldn't get wind, & I can't see how to stop it. I am using infacol & trying to make sure the latch is ok, but I'm just at a loss now.
Luckily DD1 is being quite good. I am also trying to get her involved with the care of her sister, and she seems obsessed with seeing if "baby has had a yellow poo" blush. She enjoys looking after her but hates the crying & shouts at her to go back to sleep.

My biggest problem is bedtimes. DP works in London & does not get home till 8pm or later. dD1 usually goes to bed between 7/8, but if DD2 is unsettled I just can't get her to bed, which is hard when I know she is so tired. Does anyone have any suggestions how I can manage this?

I'm finding that I'm just at home on my own most days and I'm so worried that I'm neglecting my eldest. I really like the picnic idea. I might steal that too!

I was very anxious about DP's return to work & everyone said you will get more organised. I'm sure that's true but it's not the practical advice I was after. I've surprised myself how ive managed so far, but I'm just so tired.

isitme1 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:14:31

Lol. Mmm cake
Ds2 has a thing for little figures but as they are small they get lost easily so the other day he was eating popcorn out of a lil tub with a handle and ive stuck em in there. Keeps him occupied.
Like I said before its hard and I feel guilty ds2 doesn't get the time and is dragged to hospitals with ds1 exposing him to unnecessary infections but it can't be helped. If ds1 asks for food while Im feeding ds2 I have no choice but to stop feeding ds2 as ds1 has food aversion so him asking for something to eat is a big thing and if he doesn't get it he won't ask again and would rather go hungry.
Atm im feeding ds2 and ds1 has done a poo.
Again another problem as he suffers from chronic constipation due to gastric problems (currently undergoing tests for chrons) but ive managed to distract him for 2 mins while ds2 finishes bottle as he was very hungry
X
I love the trolleys at supermarkets the ones that have a baby seat plus toddler! They both love them.
I did however have a bad time once when we rushed out and whe doing the shopping ds2 started screaming (ds1 was at nursery) I felt like all eyes were on me! In the end a guy who worked on a checkout came and rocked ds to sleep I could quickly pay. blush
X

MrsPennyapple Sun 13-Oct-13 10:53:14

I (modestly) thought the tea party was a stroke of genius smile I needed to go shopping, so told DD we were going to buy things for the tea party, which ensured good behaviour in the supermarket. (Although to be fair she's normally pretty good.) She also tends to mess about with her lunch and not eat it when she gets bored, so the tea party was a way of distracting her into eating it, really. And an excuse to eat cake, if I'm honest. grin

It sounds really difficult balancing your DSs needs, but it sounds like you're doing a great job.

isitme1 Sun 13-Oct-13 09:47:13

Lol. Luckily this time round new ds has no medical problems, he waa refluxy for the first 6 weeks but thats better now. Hes a lil chunky monkey! He was having 8oz of milk every 2 hours plus bm 4 times a day! So I decided to introduce a lil baby rice and he goes 4 hours now. I know its a lil early but he just would not settle!

This morning I had ds1 wake up for some donner hmm which is very unusual as he hardly eats and we don't have a lot of take aways but he remembered that! Hes in tears as we don't have any lol.
Ds2 has outgrown his 3-6months clothes so have got next batch in the wash saved ds1 clothes as I knew I wanted more

The tea party sounds like a great idea. For me its the other way round ds1 gets the attention due to health and ds2 is down all day. sad

Tom have you tried a lil gaviscon in feeds? Might help a lil. You can buy infant gaviscom for around £5 a box amd theres loads in it. I think its if baby is over 4kg or something along the lines of that.

And im another that loves doublw buggy. Ive got the hauck duett. Very handy
Xx

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now