Support thread for those with a toddler and a baby

(49 Posts)
PrincessRomy Thu 10-Oct-13 20:46:00

Apologies if there already is one....

Since ds was born 10 weeks ago, on the day before dd's second birthday, life has changed somewhat. I've found lots of support on mn, started threads myself but also been aware of the many other threads started my those in a similar position to me.

These threads seem to have a theme... What the fuck is going on? How am I meant to deal with constantly feeding/needing to be picked up/waking every 2 hours baby and lively/up at 6am/needing constant entertaining toddler?

Thought it might be nice to have a thread where we can share, vent, swap tips and write our problems down. Just knowing that others are finding some days as hard as I am has been extremely helpful.

PrincessRomy Thu 10-Oct-13 20:49:50

I'll start withy day... Last night ds woke me at 12, 2, and 5 for lengthy feeds and resettling. Dd was up for the day at half six. I took them to dd's music group this am but had to leave early thanks to dd's new found habit of grabbing at other children's faces sad

Although for the first time in 10 weeks I've just got ds down to sleep in his cot before my bedtime - usually I'm in bed feeding him withy eyes closed. So I'm off downstairs to have a glass of wine WITHOUT HOLDING A BABY grin

Any tips on how to deal with a 2 year old being rough to others while you're trying to feed a baby?

PrincessRomy Thu 10-Oct-13 20:50:42

Withy = with my

roweeena Thu 10-Oct-13 21:07:31

I'll join - I have a 4 day old & a just turned 2 yo. Currently at that nice feeding and sleeping stage and husband off on paternity leave so coping but aware it is going to turn to chaos and any suggestions greatly appreciated!

Also a bit worried about what the night holds in store tonight as both toddler and husband have massive colds.

PrincessRomy Thu 10-Oct-13 21:14:57

Congratulations Roweena I'm amazed at how fast the weeks have gone. At 4 days old ds was completely nocturnal, I was like a zombie in the day. Glad things are good for you. When does your dh go back to work? Do you go to any toddler groups?

roweeena Thu 10-Oct-13 22:47:06

Dh back to work at 3 weeks, toddler already woken three times this evening & DH snoring very loudly next to me!

I think okay groups are going to be my saviour, I also gave toddler I. Childcare for 2 days per week

roweeena Thu 10-Oct-13 22:47:30

Okay = play!

Naturally2806 Fri 11-Oct-13 18:46:36

Hello!!! Could've written this about a year ago (in fact I think I did something similar.......) I have DS 2 years old and DD now 14 months. Everyone kept saying it'll get easier once the second child can sit/crawl/walk/feed themselves....... I suddenly realised the goalposts kept moving!!! What made it easier for me was DD finally stopped Breastfeeding at almost 13 months old hmm certainly wasn't my idea to keep going that long!! And when she finally started walking confidently by herself. So it's taken me almost a year to think hey, maybe I can do this after all!! I used to attempt baby/toddler groups but DS was a nightmare with snatching from other kids whilst I was trying to Breastfeed the baby. I was very lucky that after stopping going to groups altogether as I felt it unmanageable my mum came to a couple every week with me. PrincessRomy is there someone that could go with you (grandparent/friend) who could help with the toddler?? I did end up abandoning groups for quite a while and used to invite friends over with kids to play or in all honesty just invite myself over to theirs for some company!!
It is really tough- I'm not sure if it gets easier or if you just get used to the chaos that follows you everywhere!! I'm also not sure you ever really get used to the sleep deprivation or simply accept it as inevitable!
Hang on in there guys- they day you see your youngest reach for your oldest for a kiss and a cuddle will make it all worth while smile

SingSoftKittyToMe Sat 12-Oct-13 04:35:20

Dd is 2 ds 7 weeks...not enjoying life atm tp be honest. Up at 4am for the day constantly shouting at toddler, baby if not feeding or sleeping always cries and won't sleep in pram must be held everywhere. Am exhausted and dh is away for a week. I cried for 3 hours yesterday.

GaryBuseysTeeth Sat 12-Oct-13 04:44:45

Ds1 is 21m, ds2 is 9wks. We're doing 'ok', getting out, enough sleep and everyone eats fine.
Do a few toddler groups a week and try to go out for at least one walk in the park a day.

I usually plonk ds1 infront of tv with a packet of rasins (or other not so messy snack) whilst I feed ds2, having a pile of books next to me so ds1 can sit on the sofa and turn pages whilst I read...failing that asking him to do stuff 'ds1, can you pass me teddy bear/brush your hair' etc keeps mine distracted.

Softkitty, would you feel comfortablr wearing a sling? Somedays I don't take ds2 apart from nappy changes or feeds, is there anyone who can help over this weekend?

TomDaleysTrunks Sat 12-Oct-13 04:49:49

I'll join too. I have a ten week old DD and 2.5 year old DD. am flipping exhausted. Yesterday I scrapped our brand spanking new car along a wall. sad
DD2 has horrendous colic so screams A LOT. DD1 hates her crying so gets upset too. I find getting out every day helps so we go to a lot of playgroups and soft play. I find it hard as DD2 such a slow feeder; up to an hour per feed. Really hard to keep DD1 entertained that long.

TomDaleysTrunks Sat 12-Oct-13 04:50:58

kitty do you have a sling? Ours has been a godsend.

isitme1 Sat 12-Oct-13 04:51:30

Can I join?
Ds1 is 3. Ds2 is let me check is 3months.
Ds1 has medical issues was in hospital yesterday for a camera up him and down too. Ds2 was an angel nd slept through most of it.
I find it hardest when ds1 is having a flare up and am with him most of the day and ds2 is literally fed changed and put down.

X

isitme1 Sat 12-Oct-13 05:01:18

Oh kitty.
Early morning brain nor letting me think

A sling does work wonders
A bit of white noise for the baby? Stick baby near washing machine or hoover or something ds1 would only sleep with white noise on up until he was 2! Made it awkward with all hospital stays at it kept others awake but helped me lol
I used the heart beat recording from one of them lionheart slumber bears. Tje the little recordee thing goes off with movement and sound so if baby moves or cries it luls it back to sleep with your chosen noise.
Think it has heart beat, water, soft music and you can record yourself singing your own lullaby grin

{Waves to tom from the due any day thread!} X

PrincessRomy Sat 12-Oct-13 05:02:22

Hi all smile

Isitme that must be really hard with additional health issues. It's hard enough without. It sounds like you're doing amazingly.

What sling is everyone using? I've just bought a second hand baba sling - not sure if I'm going to get to grips with it or not.

I'm nicking the raisins as snacks and books in a pile idea. In fact today I'm going to make a little 'breastfeeding basket' of stuff I can do with dd while feeding ds, and also put together a few 'snack packs' that I can give her that will keep her amused for a few minutes.

I've found dd's getting good with duplo and I can sit on the floor and play with her. Now the weather's getting worse I'm trying to think of good activities for her. Big paper on the floor and sponge painting is quite good but god the mess to tidy up after!

I'm hating the toddler groups at the moment as just worried dd's going to hurt someone. Going to keep ds in sling and be her little shadow next week! Going to try and not let her have any opportunity to grab someone then I can praise her loads for it not happening!

I completely understand the sentiment of not really enjoying it. I feel like that a lot at the moment then feel awful.

isitme1 Sat 12-Oct-13 08:36:09

Its harf and I feel guilty about ds2 not getting the time ds1 gets but its no one's fault.
I have a baby bjorn original that I got doing product testing years ago. Would never have known how good they are

The baskets sound brilliant
X

PrincessRomy Sat 12-Oct-13 08:49:17

kitty how are you doing? Been thinking of you. Have you got good support in rl?

MiaowTheCat Sat 12-Oct-13 08:50:35

I have an 18 month old and a 7 month old (11 months between them) - it's manageable now, but we went through hell getting DD2 diagnosed with allergy issues and she's still a refluxer now (but a happy chucker at least) so I spend most days getting covered in vomit, which is much more interesting vomit now she's on solids. Now at the age where playgroups have to be done selectively as ones where cups of coffee are around are a no-go since DD2 is at the point of being frustrated and bored as hell (she can't sit up or crawl and boy is she pissed off about it), and juggling that. while wrangling DD1 who would be doing laps of the floor nicking leftover tea and toast is nigh on impossible. Local childrens centre are generally ok apart from the staff member who's decided I must never ever do tummy time (despite DD2 spending 20 minutes on her tummy the last time I was down there) and keeps harassing me about it... and the bullying by a clique of mums but that's another story.

So we don't really get out that much - especially since I never recovered from SPD.

Slings never worked for us - DD2 hated the feeling of being constrained (and I did the whole sling meet and trying different ones thing). Now she's a bit older a jumperoo is awesome because it puts her on a similar level to big sis (who she absolutely idolises) so they can almost see eye to eye and she loves that. So far DD1 hasn't tried to catapult her into orbit pulling on the elastic either!

If it's any consolation - among DD1's first words was "sister" which was hideously cute.

isitme1 Sat 12-Oct-13 18:41:03

Miaow my ds1 suffers from that too and other gastric problems, hes tube fed because of it.
I feel I should have a diploma in reflux lol as you've probably seen gps know f.a about it!
Yep we had a very cute moment today- ds1 was touching ds2s hands and they were laughing at each other! Very cute!

And yes jumperoos are brilliant!
X

PrincessRomy Sat 12-Oct-13 20:08:24

Not doing badly as it's the weekend and I have dh here too. Monday I'll be having a rant here I bet! grin

mumofboyo Sat 12-Oct-13 21:37:30

I have a 17 month gap between mine, I'm a year on from you all now, and I must say that life feels almost unrecognisable; a complete change from the early blur of scream/feed/scream/vomit/scream/sleep.
Dd had reflux so I felt as though all I did was change shitty nappies, clear up sick, feed and cook and listen to screaming whilst ds did his own thing.
It seemed to get better in stages: when dd fell into a routine and slept through from 12 ish weeks; when she could sit unaided; when she was weaned and I no longer had to feed, make up bottles, sterilise, clear up sick etc; when she learned to roll and crawl... Now she's 1 and is a whirlwind of happy noise and activity and has developed a lovely, cheeky personality, she's great!
It also helped that ds never showed any jealousy and fell completely in love with his sister (more so than me, I sometimes felt) and really wanted to help out. He was also able to feed himself and was fine with playing independently, which was a God send.

I think, if I was to offer any advice, it would be the following:
Get a decent double buggy if poss, if the sling thing doesn't work. That way you can still get out, the toddler is kept contained whilst you feed and change baby. You can also. Change toddler without having to hold baby.
Ask for and accept all help.
Have toddler in some form of Childcare through the week, give you bonding time with baby.
Let baby cry if needs be, if you have lots to do and are attending to toddler.
Make plenty of time for just you and toddler, they'll be happier fir it.
Plan your time, prioritise, organise as much as poss during quieter times or when dh is around, including making meals you can just grab or throw together for yourself and toddler.

Hope this has been of some help. It does get better, over time, and in a year you'll be looking back and wondering where the months went!
Congratulations on your new babies x x

TomDaleysTrunks Sun 13-Oct-13 04:16:03

Hiya isitme! Ha, turns out the other side isn't so much fun either! Colief seems to be a miracle drug. We've had a couple of nights with no screaming, just a big feed at 7pm then down for bed. Hooray!
DH is pretty grumpy this weekend. God knows why. He's snapping at DD1 a d myself. It's v unusual, normally he's the patient one. Am hoping a good sleep will help!

Naturally2806 Sun 13-Oct-13 08:30:37

Definitely second a good double buggy. It's a lifesaver!! Still use mine now and DS is 2 and DD 1 and walking confidently.
Tiredness makes everything so hard to cope with. Especially when DC2 (and often DC1!!) waking at night!! Best thing I ever did was have DH have the kids for a couple of hours during the day at weekends so I could go upstairs and sleep. (Also very handy in allowing him to realise just how hard it is!!)
I can also second Cbeebies and a snack for DC1 whilst you are sorting out DC2. Also getting the eldest involved in "helping" seemed to work a bit for me- although hormones go into overdrive trying to protect DC2 from the clumsy advances of DC1!!!
I found grocery shopping online a lifesaver. The thought and reality of dragging the kids into a supermarket reduced me to tears.
Big hugs everyone

MrsPennyapple Sun 13-Oct-13 09:03:48

Hello, I have DD who is 2y 3m, and DS who is 9 weeks old.

DD absolutely adores her baby brother, which is great, as I dread to think how life would be if she was jealous. DS spends 90% of his time feeding, I've been trying to get chance to post on here since Thursday but rarely have both hands free. DD isn't getting as much attention as I'd like to give her, so is a bit whingy at times. On Friday though we had a tea party, which she loved. (Basically, we ate a snacky lunch on a blanket on the living room floor with some dolls sat round, with me periodically saying "what a lovely tea party!")

DD has a streaming cold at the moment, which DS has caught and has developed into a chest infection, so life is mainly feeding, and wiping noses, and changing nappies. Rock and roll.

isitme1 Sun 13-Oct-13 09:47:13

Lol. Luckily this time round new ds has no medical problems, he waa refluxy for the first 6 weeks but thats better now. Hes a lil chunky monkey! He was having 8oz of milk every 2 hours plus bm 4 times a day! So I decided to introduce a lil baby rice and he goes 4 hours now. I know its a lil early but he just would not settle!

This morning I had ds1 wake up for some donner hmm which is very unusual as he hardly eats and we don't have a lot of take aways but he remembered that! Hes in tears as we don't have any lol.
Ds2 has outgrown his 3-6months clothes so have got next batch in the wash saved ds1 clothes as I knew I wanted more

The tea party sounds like a great idea. For me its the other way round ds1 gets the attention due to health and ds2 is down all day. sad

Tom have you tried a lil gaviscon in feeds? Might help a lil. You can buy infant gaviscom for around £5 a box amd theres loads in it. I think its if baby is over 4kg or something along the lines of that.

And im another that loves doublw buggy. Ive got the hauck duett. Very handy
Xx

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