Baby Number Two

[McRobb]

My DD is going to be three in September, the pressure is now on from family, some frieds and DH to get moving on baby number two. I love my life as it is, we have a nice flat, I have a good job, we go on good holidays and I love the time I get to spend with DD. I'm not bothered about having another baby. Lots of friends are having babies and I feel like I get to cuddle them and then hand them back which is the best bit. I've always been clear with DH re not wanting more children but he seems to have forgotton and I think he is jealous of friends having babies. How can I make this clear without sounding like a selfish old moo?

[ginmummy]

You're not selfish at all! I can totally understand your reasons for not wanting another baby, either yet or at all. Remind your DH that babies don't always come on ones either, and that nature has a way of doing that when you least expect or plan for it!

[ginmummy]

And just for the record my own ds is 3 in October and he's got his own wonderful personality and temprament and I can't imagine loving another baby as much as I love him! I'm not sure I want another baby either.

[WestCountryLass]

If you're not read, you're not ready, it's not that you are selfish. It's got to be better to try for a baby when you really want one rather than because you feel you should.

I think just tell him how you feel again but, perhaps, agree to revisit the situation in a year or so?

[McRobb]

You are right I should just talk it over with him. I'm only 30 and DD wasn't actually planned so I didn't expect to be in this situation so soon. DH is older so perhaps he is feeling some pressure. I want to want the next baby or be completely sure that I am happy to have just one child which I love right now.

[sandradee]

You are not being selfish at all. I think that having a child is so completely life changing that you don't really know how you are going to feel until you do it.

I am 36 and thought I'd be on to no 2 by now (DS is 15 months). NO WAY!!! Our life is so finely balanced financially and emotionally that I think we would be tipped over the edge right now if we went for a second. We both work full time, have good jobs and have achieved an equilibrium that is manageable.

Not to say that we may have another one but yes - you are only 30 (I WISH i was because then I'd have a few more years to sit and think about it)

I would not listen to what family and friends say because they are not living your life. You've got to do what is right for you and your DH. Would you have to give up your job if you had a second child? I would and that's another reason for stalling.

[McRobb]

I would have to give up work, the nursery fees are too expensive here to put two kids in nursery. The other thing is that I don't want to give up my financial independence. I completely understand what you mean about the balance. I don't want to be stuck at home with two children and no money, I would feel so trapped and would feel resentful towards baby number two and DH. I don't want that to happen.

[sandradee]

Then I think you have to tell DH that. Having a baby is a joint decision and it is stressful. If you are not happy about it then it's only going to get worse when it comes along.

I would love DS to have a brother or a sister but at this present time it's not possible for us to maintain our life as it is - we are really clinging on by our nails I can tell you! We are going to have to make some big changes and it's working out these changes that is the problem. We are not fortunate in our financial sitauation and I need to work, but I also really enjoy it.

I know it's never cut and dried because you never know if it's going to be OK etc but I do think that if you have reservations you need to get a plan together and work towards it. And don;t panic about your age - you have 6 years on me! Not a massive consolation because you don;t know me but what I'm trying to say is that you are not old.