So the mother who slut-shamed her daughter on ebay and sold her tickets to the One Direction concert

[BasilBabyEater]

Story is here

Can I vent here? It keeps coming up on my facebook page and I know there are probably people (my cousin) who would comment "You go Mom!" and "awesome parenting!!!!!" and I would have to de-friend them and cause a family diplomatic incident.

There is nothing awesome about this. I have 4 issues with it

1. Selling her birthday present. Not sure where I stand on this, I don't know how sacrosanct birthday presents should be, will await instruction on that.

1. Humiliating her daughter in public. Fucking no. Just no. I wonder what else goes in behind closed doors if she sees nothing wrong with what she said in front of the whole fucking world

1. Slut-shaming her daughter and her daughter's friends. WTF? Just WTF really. Too inchoherent to express anything else atm.

1. Her truly disgusting remarks about the families of her daughter's friends. I hope some of the mothers she's referring to tell her what a nasty piece of work she is for the remarks she made - in public- about them.

I'm finding it really depressing that it keeps coming up on my facebook on various American sites with stupid posts underneath by idiots suggesting more abusive ways of dealing with it. Please douse me in some Mumsnet sanity.

[Oceansurf]

I particularly don't like the language she uses about her daughter (and her friends), and do not agree with that part.

But the concept I agree with. She is the mother, not a friend.

I wouldn't have made it public though.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

What a dick

God. Talk about giving the poor girl a complex and making sue she has no friends left

I actually hate it when parents rattle on about respect then disrespect their kids/their friends and say it's ok because they're adults/parents and they should just be respected whether or not it goes both ways.

That woman sounds de-lightful...

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I wouldn't have made it public & wouldn't have insulted her friends (and questioned their fucking parentage. Who does that)?

[dontwanttobefatandforty]

tbh I think more punishments like this should happen.

I dont think the reference to what the parents may or may not have been mentioned nor do I think she should have gone into so much detail about the daughter but I agree with the punishment. Too many people are scared to parent their children now, too busy being friends.

I think that a punishment that has been carried out is the best kind and one that actually has an effect!

Plus look at the cash she is getting for them!

[Snazzyenjoyingsummer]

I can see an argument for selling the tickets if her daughter has behaved really badly. We don't know whetherthis is a one-off or whether daughter has been breaking rules for ages and this is the last straw. But the rest of it is just embarrassing and makes her look bad. Plus, the irony of 'this is how half of you were conceived!'

[noblegiraffe]

Selling the tickets, reasonable, if behaviour has been that poor. Insulting the girl and her friends in that way, not reasonable.

[IslaValargeone]

Very insulting but I would certainly have sold the tickets too, just not like that.

[NoComet]

The punishment is totally earned, even for a first offense.

You do not lie about where you are going, who you will be with and you certainly don't lie about where you are spending the night.

That would be an instant withdrawal of taxi service for the foreseeable future (given where we live, this means you are grounded big time).

The public comments are quite out of order, however accurate, you don't say things like that on FB

[TheCrackFox]

Well the language and public shaming of her daughter is utterly horrible.

However, I think lying about where you are staying for the night is a really big deal and the tickets should have been sold. I just don't agree with the manner of how this punishment was carried out.

[pookamoo]

My response was that it was "tough parenting" rather than that I approved of it.

I think the child seems to have inherited a few traits from her parents, maybe?

[HowardTJMoon]

My guess is that the entire story is made up and, instead, some ticket tout wanted to shift the tickets in a way that would garner a lot of publicity and hence push the price up. But I'm cynical like that.

[teenagetantrums]

nothing wrong with it, teenagers love the internet they put much worse thing on their about themselves and their friends. I would have done that for my DD maybe not in the same worlds but with the same sentiment.

[Scoundrelette]

I agree the language used by the mother is wrong, but I also feel this way about the term 'slut shaming', it's just buying into the idea that someone can be a slut in the first place (especially disgusting about a child, ffs)

[BasilBabyEater]

Ooh Howard you are cynical.

I hadn't even thought of that, but maybe you're right.

[RhondaJean]

I would definitely have sold th tickets (if it's true) and I would maybe even have put online "being sold due to DDs inability to respect the boundaries which are set for her" but the rest? Never! Not online. And most of it not even put loud - or even thought.

[Tabby1963]

If my child had conspired with friends to deceive me about a sleepover, possibly putting themselves in danger, as has been described, I think that selling the tickets is an acceptable consequence.

The public way this mother has responded is unacceptable. It is a private matter which should be dealt with within the family.

Publically humiliating your children is wrong, wrong, wrong!

[BasilBabyEater]

Yes I'm not really sure what other term to use Scoundrelette, it is an odd term (Americanism I think?) and I only ever see it around on feminist sites. I'm a bit ambiguous about it myself, but couldn't think how else to phrase it because I don't know of one which means what it means IYSWIM. Would be grateful for a better term really.

Arf, Godfrey Bloom would think it referred to women not cleaning behind their fridges I suppose.

[Darkesteyes]

Basil i saw this on Twitter last night and i had a really sinister thought. So can i add this..

1. Predators in the area now know that she slut shames and victim blames her child and that will now make the child an easier target for other older men who will think that if they take advantage of her they wont be blamed for it. She will.

Why didnt the mum report the older man to Child Protection instead of blaming her daughter.

[Scoundrelette]

I know what you mean - it's not the concept, but the terminology (didn't mean to come across as if I was having a go at you!)
To be honest I'm not sure what I'd call it - plain old misogyny, probably, but it does help to have a memorable term!
But yes, the fawning stories like this get on fb/wherever is nauseating.

[DianaTrent]

The mother sounds like a nasty piece of work. How she expects her daughter to have an open and honest conversation about what her peers are doing and discuss her own options and safety sensibly with an attitude like that so blatantly displayed towards the poor girl and her friends is totally beyond me. She's closing down all possibility of communication with her daughter. It seems like such an unwise bit of short term thinking to me. Also how she expects the poor girl to have the self-respect needed to make strong, sensible choices for herself when her mother publicly displays such a low opinion of her is anybody's guess.

[NettoSuperstar]

I'd have sold the tickets, and done it publically, but not in that way, more along the lines of, "You muppet, you think I was never a teenager, FAIL"!

[littlemisswise]

I think that the way she has described her DD and her friends is vile. I wonder if her DD has friends left now? What sort of a mother does that to her child, I never would.

I wouldn't have sold my child's birthday present for lying, to me that is wrong. I would have thought of another punishment.

[BasilBabyEater]

Hadn't even considered that angle Darkesteyes, but yes, it's true.

Re the public humiliation, I've just thought of a conversation I had years and years ago with a friend when both of us were young and childless and it was about a case where some bloke had been arrested for taking his child's pants down in public and smacking his/ her bottom. I can't remember how old the child was and what the exact circumstances were, but when I said I was uncomfortable with the humiliation element of that punishment, I remember her saying clearly "but humiliation is part of the punishment".

I don't know why it struck me so forcibly but it has stayed with me. This was about 20 years ago this conversation and I bet she's changed her views now, but did it used to be the common view that part and parcel of any punishment was public humiliation? And is that now generally considered a total no-no? I would say it is, but then I go on the interweb and find the rest of the world looks as though it thinks the stocks should be brought back.

[Pagwatch]

I don't think the whole net feels like that.
I think most people posting will be 'go mom' types.
I wouldn't post 'well, whilst a strong line is good, the aggression and glee employed in punishing a child you are supposed to love, jars rather. A kinder tone would be more apt' because my dad told me never to argue with drunks and fools.
The 'go mom' tossers would just kick off.