Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Advice needed: DS not getting to play football at playtime.

13 replies

Bigbadgladioli · 13/09/2013 16:21

DS is in P2. P1 was very difficult for him and he didn't seem to make solid friends. He has just shown an interest in football. DH and I have been relieved as he might find out about being in a team and being part of a group. Make it easier for him to be generally included and give him all the comfort that comes with that.

Anyway he came home and said he'd been in goals. (always the least popular position as I recall) But he'd really hurt his thumb. Bent the nail back (groo). DH got him some goalie gloves as we thought, he might as well give it a go and the gloves would mean he wouldn't be put off.

All that has happened is that two of the more dominant kids (same age, same class) have got his gloves off him and he has been left standing on the sidelines .

DS doesn't tell me much about anything so it was quite something to even get this from him. I am now wondering how not to stuff things up and if there is anyway I can draw him out and find out what happened without him clamming up completely. And/Or if there is any advice I can give him beyond "well, son, it's a dog eat dog world and you've got to stand up for yourself" (I'm usually very direct and this approach has had no success with him so far)

I suppose I just see him standing on the sidelines forever not knowing why he's been left out.

OP posts:

Report

Bigbadgladioli · 13/09/2013 16:39

bump

OP posts:

Report

Jenny70 · 13/09/2013 16:46

Is this a club or playtime at school? Never heard of gloves for playtime, might just be asking for everyone to "want a turn with the gloves" = no time for your DS. If it's a club, speak to them.

Playtime is quite difficult with football, perhaps have a quiet word to teachers, our school has different football days, so he might be watching when it's not been his "day" or it might be the big boys take over... have a word and see what's what and get them to suggest some strategies.

Report

bundaberg · 13/09/2013 16:50

i would speak to the school and ask them to keep an eye out during playtime.

not on for other kids to be taking his stuff and excluding him from the game.,

Report

Bigbadgladioli · 13/09/2013 16:53

Jenny thank you. It's just at playtime. It's not the bigger kids. These two are in his class.

I was wondering if a quiet word might be the way to go, but it's rarely ever a quiet word. I suppose I am just looking for some insight. Like you say, does everyone just want a go of the gloves. It's just that in P1, it was the same two kids who made his life quite difficult.

(We got him the gloves because he hurt himself, and thought it might encourage him to keep trying. I feel that everything we do to help just leads to another problem for him.)

OP posts:

Report

Bigbadgladioli · 13/09/2013 16:54

Bundaberg, thank you, that is exactly how I feel.
I just wish I could give him some strategies or words to stick up for himself but I don't really know what is going on.

OP posts:

Report

JKSLtd · 13/09/2013 16:57

Seeing as how you like being direct:

These other 2 children are bullying him and you need to inform the teachers & ask them what they are going to about it.

I may be wrong. But you need to do something. Remember to ask about the school's anti-bullying policy.

Report

Bigbadgladioli · 13/09/2013 16:57

I'm sorry, I have to take the kids out to one of their activities. I'll be back on in an hour and a half.

OP posts:

Report

Bigbadgladioli · 13/09/2013 18:34

So I'm back. Took the kids to swimming. While we were there another child smiled across at my child DS2, as they were holding on to the side together and dug out two big gouges out of my child's foot with his nails, smiling all the time he was doing it.

My child had to come out as he was crying and bleeding. But the other kid was allowed to carry on having a great time. We are not having a good day.

OP posts:

Report

bundaberg · 13/09/2013 18:35

Omg! I would be fuming!

Report

fridayfreedom · 13/09/2013 18:50

That sounds horrible, poor DS.
Re ds1, I would go and have a word with his teacher. Let her know your concerns and the trouble with these two boys . If it has been going on since p1 it needs to stop.
My DS had problems at primary with other mor popular and loud boys in his class. It was miserable for him .
Makes my blood boil when kids sideline and bully others.
Ask him about what it's like in class and if there are problems there too.
And when you speak to the teacher name names.( and give their parents evil looks in the playground!!)

Report

Sparklingbrook · 13/09/2013 18:56

Yes, that is bullying, definitely speak to the school. But I do think kids are drawn to goalie gloves for some reason.

My DS took up football around the same age and started training and playing for the local Under 7s team Would your DS be interested in doing it do you think?

It did wonders for DS's confidence, playing as a team etc.

He's 14 now and still at it. And he's a goalkeeper.

Report

yetanotherworry · 13/09/2013 18:57

We found that ds was always ignored at school football. After having a bit of a chat, it turned out all the boys who played also played for the local team, so it had almost turned into team practise. I had a word with the class teacher (there were a few other issues as well) but once they were aware of the issue, they put a few things in place so that other children could join in. Maybe something similar is happening with your son. Can he try and join the local team?

Report

Bigbadgladioli · 13/09/2013 19:26

Okay. JKS, Sparkling, Bundaberg, Friday, yetanotherworry and Jenny: Thank you for your responses. I spent a lot of time last year going in and having a quiet word with the teacher/head. And on the whole things did seem to resolve themselves. Or perhaps my son just stopped telling me. Which is what I am afraid will happen if I go in with all guns blazing this time.

From your responses though I feel I am right to get it sorted. So thank you for that. Thanks for giving it a name. It is bullying isn't it.

Sparkling and yetanother: yes, I think you are right. He should probably do football elsewhere as well. I was just talking to DH and it suddenly occurred to us that a lot of the boys do go to football together.

Bundaberg: I have just written a strongly worded note to the swimming club stating my concerns. (I get so angry sometimes that I find it best not to speak in case I do/say something inappropriate so I give myself some distance. Which actually doesn't work for the most part as the moment has passed). But we will see what they come back with.