Toddler and preschooler support thread?

(57 Posts)
Suchanamateur Thu 12-Sep-13 12:46:28

18 months ago I posted about how the hell I would cope when my DH went back to work and I was alone with my nearly 2 year old and my 10 day old. The good news is that I did cope and that we are a long way from those dark dark days.

I am however struggling with this current phase - a demanding stubbornly independent and not sleeping brilliantly 18 month old and a demanding whiny and bursting into hysterical tears because, well, just because, 3.5 year old. They are both wonderful and amazing as well but I am drained, exhausted, fed up of mealtimes and dreading the winter months.

I also didnt go back to work after DD was born and although in some ways this was the right decision - I had a very stressful long hours job - which I don't think was compatible with a young family - I think Im struggling with being a SAHM. DD is about to go to nursery 2 days a week (which her brother already does). I'm dreading the settling as she is as clingy as she is fiercely independepent, if that makes sense, but I want to use tht time to get back a bit of 'me', work out what I do next and be a better less shouty, impatient mother, and to rescue a but of my and DH's relationship.

I guess I just wondered whether anyone else frequently feels like running away? I thought that I'd have it all sorted by this point. And I so don't. Sorry - bit of a pity post.

Canigotosleepyet Fri 13-Sep-13 00:03:07

Yessssssssss - where shall we run away to!? I dream of a silent hotel room - sparking clean and all white with no noise where I can just sleep or think in peace.

I have the same ages and it's tough. Not as tough as the early days, granted, but I'm feeling very mentally and physically exhausted at the moment. My 18-month-old is also madly independent as long as I am in sight. And god - the whining of my 3-year-old... They are both so gorgeous, hilarious and amazing but jeez, the days are long. Well done on your impending free time - what are you going to do with it? Inspire me please!

I have two 2-hour mornings to myself and really need to motivate myself to fill the time meaningfully. I'd like to be more 'zen' about life with two full-on dc. And find the old me again. And put some spark back into my marriage too. [adds on to very long to-do list]

Sleep deprivation is such a nightmare on top of everything. Hope tomorrow is better. Do you get some time to yourself at weekends?

alwaysonthegoo Fri 13-Sep-13 08:41:48

It is not easy, I have two children 15 months apart and now 5 and 4. your children are still very young and from what I remember I did not have it sorted and yes could have run away many times...

When DD is in nursery have that time for yourself. I hate the advice but it is true - the other days get out of the house, something every day and have structure for what you will do with them. It is very hard being a SAHM without any support, very lonely at times, stressful etc etc. As for the effect of children on a marriage... shudder.....

Suchanamateur Fri 13-Sep-13 19:39:40

Thanks both! And loving your name CanI.

Think its hit me hard at the moment as we are on holiday (rather rainy as in UK), and all the relentlessness is still there. Previously on holiday DH and I could sort of take turns but now we have two to mark that's not possible. Am also being driven mad by DD (smallest) bedtimes where she takes an hour pls to go to sleep, and I need my evening!

Yes a clean, white, serene room with a view of the sea. And the only questions I'm asked are about my wants and needs. No one else exists!

Am definitely going to do a yoga class with my time off, maybe try and get back into meditation. And just waste some time watching box sets. In bed. Sometimes my MiL kindly takes them for an hour or 2 but I find myself sorting and tidying and by the time that's done they're back. So maybe none if that CanI?!

Canigotosleepyet Sat 14-Sep-13 15:39:53

Noooooooooooo. You're on holiday and it's no better! We go to the great British seaside in two weeks (I refused to get on a plane with dc2) and I was hoping it would make everything better. It's our first hol in 15 months. Bugger bugger bugger. Any tips for making the best of it?

Sorry you're having probs at bedtime. Can you sit next to the cot with a book at all? And good idea about yoga. Though I wonder if kickboxing might be better for me...

And I also need to stop tidying and sorting if I get an hour off and just leave the house maybe so that i have to have a break. I think maybe we need to look at getting a cleaner too as the constant housework I can't get to is completely depressing me.

I thought more desperate people would join the thread - do you think they're all rocking in a corner, or do they have 'The Answer'??

Enjoy your hols, Suchan, and thanks for sharing, Always, good to hear you survived.

Suchanamateur Sun 15-Sep-13 07:54:53

They've clearly got The Answer. Are you back at work Cani?

I'm being a bit of a hit about the holidays. It's nice being the four of us together and it means I've had the odd lie in (till 8 anyway!). We've had some magic moments. However the weather has been a bit shit so we've been cooped up more than is good for us all. Best advice would be to plan like you do at home (I've usually got a fairly good idea of what we're doing morning and afternoon at home). I'd kind of abandoned that because it was holiday but then we've had an awful lot if sitting working out what to do (and because DD won't sleep anywhere but her cot, its usually too late to do!). Then if you've got a plan but the weather is good enough to beach it (we can walk here which is amazing but weather dependent), you can easily abandon. Our best days have been rainy planned or messing aroun on beach (doesnt have to be sunny just not sheet rain).

Sure you'll have a great time. North or south?

ThatsNotMyPinot Sun 15-Sep-13 10:11:39

Marking my place- will be back later when I get a chance.

Have a 2.7 DS and a 16 month DD (15 month age gap), finding it really hard at the moment (also SAHM, sort of out of choice, sort of not!).

Currently having a shite weekend alone with them as DP is away.

I need this thread! grin

Thesimplethings Sun 15-Sep-13 10:16:56

I've got a three and nearly two year old. 16 month age gap. If anyone knows the secret to keeping both happy please let me know.

One or the other is always cry

Thesimplethings Sun 15-Sep-13 10:17:23

Is always crying. And the fights :-/

Thesimplethings Sun 15-Sep-13 10:23:07

Sorry for posting errors - had to play peacemaker again grin

SayCoolNowSayWhip Sun 15-Sep-13 10:30:33

I have a nearly 3 yo DD and 6 month DS. Constantly feeling like running away!

I actually posted a few days ago about just not wanting to be a mum anymore. Sounds awful, but God just a week off or even a 24 hour stretch of actually putting myself first would be amazing.

How did you cope when your youngest was smaller? I'm finding it so difficult to give either of them enough attention.

Yesterday DD kicked DS in the head while I was there. I was just speechless, no idea how to deal with that sort of thing. She is awful, whingy, demanding, never satisfied.

Sorry, not meaning to hijack! Just letting you know you're not alone! And must of us are rocking in the corner muttering 'Wine, bring us wine....'

Thesimplethings Sun 15-Sep-13 13:13:00

Ahh they are asleep grin

Surprisingly I found it easier having a baby and a young toddler. No struggles getting them ready to get out the house, both confined to a pram and no back chat.

It's only got more difficult since ds2 started talking and developed free will so now it's two against one

Thesimplethings Sun 15-Sep-13 13:13:41

Dh been dispatched to shop for wine for later grin

SayCoolNowSayWhip Sun 15-Sep-13 14:41:39

DD has given up her afternoon nap sad

Thesimplethings Sun 15-Sep-13 14:44:27

I feel for you saycool. I'm dreading the day mine do. Although at 3 ds1 is getting a bit old for naps according to the hv hmm

muser31 Sun 15-Sep-13 14:50:49

marking place here ... although i have only one, i am on my own with her and she is totally full on. shes 2, and the tantrums every day feel like they are ripping me apart emotionally. she won't go into carseat, won't get changed, changing her nappy leaves me feeling totally exhausted as i have to try to pin her down. then she has lovely happy funny times which make up for it.

it really is so hard. i do have plans for every single day and do get out of the house and it is still very hard. i get help one day a week from parents, and my dd is also going to be starting nursery two mornings a week and i think it will make such a big difference. i have joined and rejoined the gym many times to try to go when i get a spare hour, and i find it takes too much out of me getting there, getting back, getting changed etc, its all too much running about and we do enough of that. i used to do yoga, and i think it will be much more relaxing for me to leave the gym and when she is in the nursery to do it by myself at home, a dvd or youtube video. i also like dancing. and just use the time to pamper myself instead of running about... get things on my to do list done which make me feel more on top of things, pray, go to appointments without someone clinging to me. sorry this was long. good luck for this week

SayCoolNowSayWhip Sun 15-Sep-13 18:38:32

Thesimplethings, did your DH get me a bottle too?? grin run out of vodka

Thesimplethings Mon 16-Sep-13 07:12:46

Oops sorry saycool - I drank it blush

Been up half the night with poorly ds1. Anyone have any tips for dealing with a poorly 3 year old and a hyperactive 2 year old. Going to be a long day...

wintersdawn Mon 16-Sep-13 14:30:54

got a 2.6 and a 5 month old and definitely with the sat in the corner waiting for wine group! dd is jealous of ds to the extreme and has the attention span of a fish sad I'm so jealous of friends whose kids watch whole Disney movies, the things I could accomplish in that time....

ThatsNotMyPinot Mon 16-Sep-13 14:36:31

I'm back (finally!).

Been a loooong weekend. DP gets back tonight after being away since Friday, and I CAN'T WAIT. it's been awful, as I've been snappy and in a horrible mood all weekend, possibly because I'm resentful of DP going on a jolly, partly PMT, and also because I'm picking up the DC's cold. Poor DS has been extra-whingey and I'm sure it's because he can sense my bad mood, which in turn has been irritating me and making me snap at him, causing him to be more whingey- vicious cycle! sad DD is very wilful for her age and her and DS fight LOTS already, it's exhausting.

I love them to bits but I don't think we ever realised how hard it would be having two so close together. The odd time I have one DC, and not the other, it's so bloody easy!

DS is starting pre-school at the end of the month. Is it awful that I CAN'T WAIT? sadHe'll be doing 3 sessions a week, he'll love it, and I think it will do us all good. He's so full on that I can't give him 100% anymore.

I think I just need a break. I go out in the evenings sometimes, but I want some time during the day, just for me to do whatever (or sleep!) when DS and DD sleep I'm dashing around trying to get 101different things done. I want peace and quiet!

Sorry to moan, been a bad week or so!

Have a brew everyone.

This morning was ok, play group and then lunch/naps. Now to find something to entertain them for the rest of the day!

Canigotosleepyet Mon 16-Sep-13 21:07:16

Evening everyone. Hope we all have a glass of wine in hand and little'uns asleep - at least for now.

thesimplethings and thatsnot - all credit for surviving the day/weekend. Hope you get some 'credit' for time off. We've got through the day intact - but are now all coming down with colds. Great - I predict a long night...

thatsnot - preschool is fantasticsmile my dd1 started last term and while I feel stupidly guilty and miss her, I cope. And it's lovely to have some 1-on-1 with dd2.

suchan - thanks for the holiday tips. I think planning days is a great survival tactic. And no, I'm not out at work but do some home working here and there, but am finding the lack of stimulation/achievement quite difficult to deal with by this stage. My job was manic with no breaks and far too much pressure, but seems very reasonable in hindsight. The office troublemakers had nothing on a 18 mth old and 3.5 year old.

Is it nearly the weekend yet??

Suchanamateur Mon 16-Sep-13 22:08:26

<waves and hands round some very slippy Cornish ale> Sort if nice to see others in same boat - bet you all look like the super together mums in the playground though! I quite want a badge to flash (which would have some witty catch phrase but have been at the <wine> so can't think of any) that would flush out the swans paddling madly underwater from the true together mums.

Have no data left on phone or would say hi properly but well done all on the weekend and hope colds short lived.

Ps. anyone find that while playgrounds used to be their haven, with 2 running DC, both of which have a death wish, they are almost unmanageable??.

Suchanamateur Mon 16-Sep-13 22:09:51

Oh fuck. Full of typos and even failed on emoticons. wine, iPhone and incompetence to blame. Sleep well!

Rhubarbgarden Mon 16-Sep-13 22:24:13

Hello. Another one rocking in a corner, here. I've got a 3.3 year old dd and a 16 month old ds and they are driving me slowly insane. It's just constant fire fighting. I'm not a patient person at the best of times and I seem to have turned into a shouty old hag who is mean to the kids and a complete harridan to dh.

The house is a tip - I used to be anal about tidiness and clear surfaces <bitter laugh>. I hate the way the kids move stuff around constantly and I'm finding Lego in my bed, plastic frogs in my shoes and am always on my hands and knees wiping something.

Dd is currently potty training, just to add another layer of stress and mess.

I am counting down the days till I've got one at school and one at nursery, and I don't care who knows it!

Thesimplethings Tue 17-Sep-13 07:36:57

I survived yesterday but had a little too much wine last night blush

Oh yes, I totally get the playground/soft play hell with two little ones. Mine run off in different directions and get themselves stuck somewhere, meanwhile I'm stood there wondering which one to rescue first. We don't go anymore unless I have back up grin shame really as they could do with the run around but until its acceptable to put them on extendable leads.....

I too am looking forward to them starting nursery/school. I will miss them and feel guilty for wanting a little child free time. Then I realise how lovely they are and how quick they are growing up usually when they are asleep

Well best try and think of something to do to entertain them today. What are you up to?

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