Can I give her back?

(144 Posts)
CleanAllTheThings Wed 11-Sep-13 21:08:38

Really struggling tonight. Baby is 10 days old and has been on my breasts since 2 this afternoon. She isn't sucking properly or swallowing but I can't put her down or even move her away from the nipple into my arms for a cuddle. When oh takes her she just screams until she is back on the breast.
We struggled to get feeding established and when she was weighed at day 5 she had lost 11%. Midwife not concerned, weighed again yesterday and she has gained but still not up to birth weight. They still aren't bothered and we aren't being seen again until discharge on 23rd.
She feeds quite well in the day and usually cluster feeds for two or three hours late afternoon, but today it has been relentless. I cant move her, I can't feed laying down to get some rest and I just wish someone would take her away for the night.
Everyone keeps telling me that feeding is going well and I'm doing great but how can I be?
I have a carton of formula that I'm tempted to give but not sure if it would even help because she would still want to be held constantly? Tried to lay down in bed with her just now but that wasn't good enough.

What do I do? It's only 9 and im dreading the rest of the night. I can't do this.why did I ever want to have a baby.

Please help

CleanAllTheThings Sun 15-Sep-13 05:58:02

She had to have a bottle of formula yesterday but I have been feeding her since.
Wish I didn't feel like this, i just want to enjoy my baby. Its not fair.

The gp didn't give me anything, said he wants my gp to be involved and antidepressants won't hope straig away so I can wait til Monday basically. Midwife still keen for me to go back onto the ward for support with her but I know this wold make me feel worse, like they were watching me all the time and I'd have to do it all by myself. Tonight I have been feeding her and giving her back to my partner.

Feel so sad.

matilda101 Sun 15-Sep-13 06:05:19

Growth spurt time!!

I've only just seen this thread.

Clean please don't feel bad, it really sounds like you're doing well and your dd is giving you 2-3hour stretches? That's great! I would definitely keep going back to the bf group as it sounds like they really helped you and made you feel more confident.

It's good that your mw is offering you such good support just keep talking to her and your gp thanks

Hoping you're having a restful Sunday smile

CleanAllTheThings Sun 15-Sep-13 15:10:06

Midwife has ordered skin to skin this afternoon.
I started another thread in the pnd sections as more appropriate.

Oh good, a mini-babymoon smile.

Bed, skin-to-skin, chocolate, remote control, trashy magazines...
I hope you both find it relaxing and enjoyable.

catchingzeds Thu 19-Sep-13 11:19:03

How are you doing? X

CleanAllTheThings Thu 19-Sep-13 13:04:34

Really anxious today. Been on Sertraline since Monday. Today is a bad day and I want to run, it's suffocating. Partner is off for another week thank god.

Baby had her tongue tie snipped yesterday and we have seen a little improvement already which is good. She seems to be unlatching herself which I take to mean she is full.

BeaWheesht Thu 19-Sep-13 13:34:07

The first couple of weeks meds always the hardest. Keep ploughing on through you're doing great.

Dd had her tongue tie snipped too, no long lasting effects smile

catchingzeds Thu 19-Sep-13 18:20:16

One day at a time. The meds will begin to kick in and soon you'll feel a little more in control each day.
Great news your partner is around for another week, you're doing this together.

It's great to hear the the snipped tongue-tie has already made a difference smile - chances are she'll continue to improve in the next week or 2.

Just like you.

You'll feel better in a week or 2 - you will.
Do you know that anxiety can get worse on treatment initially before it then gets better? So don't worry (if you can help it) too much about having felt anxious today.
Here's wishing you a peaceful night (as far as your DD will allow).

CleanAllTheThings Fri 20-Sep-13 10:05:37

Didnt know that but I definitely feel more anxious! Hope it gets better soon.

The night wasn't bad, got nearly a 4 hour stretch at one point.

Partners family are arriving today, staying near by for a week. Bit worried about it. Don't feel comfortable feeding in front of them as she sometimes wont latch on well, so feel like I'm going to be quite restricted. Will have to feed her upstairs when they are here. Don't want to see them everyday. They are aware of the situation so will hopefully be sensitive. They are lovely in small doses!

catchingzeds Sun 22-Sep-13 21:26:19

Hope the visit from your partners family is going ok. I struggled being around people too as I didn't feel confident in caring for DS. I also felt dangerously close to tears most of the time. Disappearing upstairs to feed your DD will give you an excuse to escape for a while!
You will feel better soon and I promise you won't feel like this forever.

chocolatesolveseverything Mon 23-Sep-13 14:54:05

Clean, my heart goes out to you. My DS is 6 weeks and I've also been struggling with pnd. The number of times I've wanted to hand him over to someone and walk away permanently! But gradually it is getting easier honest. We're both going to recover from this illness eventually.

appletarts Mon 23-Sep-13 20:11:30

This is definitely the dreaded day 10 growth spurt. I remember I well and I felt liked I had been run over by the end of it. Your baby is stimulating your milk supply to meet her needs. Don't try a dummy or formula, this is what is meant to happen on day 10 and your are doing great. You have to eat a lot and drink a lot, I remember eating vast amounts of food, make sure it's good food, not junk or snacks. Porridge is brilliant as are potatoes and cheese. You have to just get on that sofa and eat your way through it. The good news is in a couple of days when it is over she will sleep a few good long stretches and you'll be able to catch up. Phone your local birthing centre, they are great and will reassure you that everything is going well. Ps you'd probably regret giving her back ;)

appletarts Mon 23-Sep-13 20:17:20

I'm sorry, i just read whole post and see things are a bit more complicated.

CleanAllTheThings Wed 25-Sep-13 01:18:17

Visit is going well, so much better than I expected! We've been out and about doing normal things which has made me feel so much less trapped. Haven't felt anxious for a couple of days, meds seem to be kicking in a bit. Even fed in a almost empty cafe in town yesterday!

Think we are gearing up for another growth spurt (she was 3 weeks on Sunday) as we've had two evenings of big cluster feeds again but I feel like I can cope with it, I know she is getting enough milk because she is so content the rest of the time.

catchingzeds Wed 25-Sep-13 18:51:41

Oh wow you're doing so well! So pleased for you smile
You were so brave reaching out for help and being proactive in sorting yourself out.
Enjoy your little girl and don't forget there will be wobbles but remind yourself that EVERYONE has those.

Oh wow, you sound SO much happier, v pleased for you smile.
And well done for still BFing and feeding in public.

It is really important to go out - I had to get out of the house at least once a day to not go round the bend, even if it was just going to the local shops with baby in the pram/sling with me.

Glad to hear your enjoying your visitors as well - see, there IS life after having had a baby wink.
Well done, you. Just keep going, one feed at a time, and one day at a time and before you know it she'll be off to school x.

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