I'm expecting in early November and I've been asked what our strategy is for many things recently - soothing /sleeping /noise etc. Is this kind of preparation really necessary or is it just over thinking things?
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Parenting
HerrenaHarridan ·
05/09/2013 16:42
You can make up a seat why I'd you like but your newborn will dictate you first 12 weeks to his/her body with no regard for it what so ever.
Some babies won't sleep except co sleeping, some babies won't sleep unless they are in a dark quiet room by themselves.
Whatever plan you make will be quickly lost and replaced with following your baby's ques (and being screamed at when you get it wring) its probably worth writing it just so you can laugh at it when you find it (under all your neglected housework) 6 months later (as you start to really get to know your baby and develop a routine that works)
Congratulations 
TVTonight ·
05/09/2013 16:49
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
User3433399 ·
05/09/2013 17:06
Do the people asking you this actually have kids of their own...? 
Based on my experience, I wouldn't try and decide on anything hard-and-fast as it can be too pressurising and lead to disappointment. It's all very well deciding you're going to do Gina Ford to the letter, but if you have a baby who's unsettled/refluxy/colicky/not a great sleeper/a poor feeder it simply won't work and it can leave you feeling a massive failure. If you have one that follows the routines as if they've read the book themselves, they probably would have done it anyway (if this happens please do not smugly tell other parents of newborns how easy it is - you will risk instant strangulation)
Similarly, you might decide on doing attachment parenting, then realise that your baby hates the sling, you and your OH can't get a wink of sleep if you bed share, that breast feeding isn't for you...I could go on.
Some babies won't take a dummy and don't need one; for others it is the only way to soothe them and save your sanity. Some will drop off in their moses basket and sleep contentedly from day one, others will want to sleep on your shoulder or in your bed and that's that.
I think the only thing to do is to have an idea about how you'd like to feed the baby (breast, bottle, mixed feeding) then make sure you understand the mechanics of that option and are prepared (i.e. have the numbers of the local BF counsellors and/or know how to make up a bottle, sterilise or express, all that jazz) and you've thought about plan B if your preferred method doesn't quite work out (I guess this applies to breast more than bottle). Pretty much everything else you can work out as you go along depending on the temperament of your baby.
I really laugh now at the rigid ideas I had before DC1 was born - it all went out the window! With DC2 I'll see what he's like and try to nudge him into a routine that suits family life, but with no preconceptions.
Good luck!
YoniBottsBumgina ·
05/09/2013 19:51
Lol lol lol at the idea of any kind of "strategy" 
It's a tiny defenceless human, not a game of chess
Do they basically mean are you going to have a routine or not? It seems such a bizarre question!
mummybare ·
06/09/2013 07:11
It's very true that your baby will dictate a lot of how things go at the beginning and for most people muddling through is the 'strategy'. But, at the same time, it doesn't hurt to read up, particularly if you haven't been around babies much, as I hadn't.
The only thing I would say is: read widely and don't get too fixed on one idea/philosophy. Personally, I found the Baby Whisperer and Sears' The Baby Book useful and have since read Babycalming and wished I had read it when DD was tiny. But then, I do like to feel like I've 'done the reading' - like others have said, approach with an open mind and you'll be fine.
Sunnysummer ·
06/09/2013 07:20
Agree with mummybare's recommendations - The Baby Whispwrer and Sears have suggestions without giving a rigid routine that will make you feel like a failure if you don't have your baby working to the clock at 4 weeks.
But my friends and I all had ideas about how we would parent, and often they go out the window - in the end you parent the way your individual baby and circumstances demand.
I always said I'd never use a dummy, but when my colicky refluxy baby was in his 4th hour of screaming in week 6, I was begging for him to take it! That said, he always refused so in the end I got my wish, but was sad about it 
we never envisioned outselves cosleeping, but that's the only way we've got any rest. And I spent lots to get a parent-facing option for his buggy, only to find that he is a little nosy parker who is miserable unless he can survey the world from his perch! I have friends who were set on bfing who have had to ff, who were planning on being SAHMs who hate the repetitiveness, others who wanted to go back at 6 months but have now quit their jobs and so on.
If you're already thinking through ideas, sounds like you'll do a great job. The biggest thing I wish I did in advance as a 'strategy' was to have a proper chat with DH about division of labour in the early days, turns out that he thought that being home meant I would do everything - that was a bit of a shock to both of us!
lockie1983 ·
06/09/2013 13:42
If you are a bit of a control freak (like me) it might be worth getting used to the fact that all plans go out of the window when the baby comes ! My ds is 9 weeks old and something I learned very quickly was do whatever suits him or else it's hell. He hasn't read any of the books and knows exactly what he wants!
I wish someone had warned me
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