Struggling

(23 Posts)
Kay03 Thu 25-Jul-13 07:41:17

I'm finding being a new parent very difficult and have spent the last two days crying about everything . I know this is supposed to be normal but I find that I'm not enjoying anything 'baby' at the moment. Cant sleep and baby is awful at night, she lost weight so having to express each time I feed to top her up. Just feel so stuck

notgivingup37 Thu 25-Jul-13 07:49:13

Your not struggling you are learning sweety n congratulations too just calm yourself and ask for help if you need it remember everyone with kids have been were you are and beyond x

Kay03 Thu 25-Jul-13 07:55:02

I just can't see a time when it's going to be good. I don't want any visitors because I'm afraid I'll just cry and don't want to how Im not coping. I night time as it takes her 4 hours to settle some nights and in his exhausted

notgivingup37 Thu 25-Jul-13 08:06:36

Its not that your not coping its just taking its toll on you, do you think you may be suffering from a mild case of pnd? If so I'd speak to who ever your closest to and ask for they're help so you can get on your feet again and the settling situation I'm been deadly serious about this too but go on YouTube and search mozart baby lullabies they work I was sitting for my nephews n the youngest never slept i used to feel cause I thougt I cudnt cope it was fate telling me why I cant conceive hut I got desperate found that n not long after a few tunes he was out for the count I felt like supernanny haha x

invicta Thu 25-Jul-13 08:17:00

No one tells you how tough it can be, especially with lack of sleep, hormones all over the place etc. Having a Royal birth at the moment must make the contrast even greater.

Firstly, well done on recognising you are struggling and asking for help. I think you need to speak to your health visitor or doctor to see of they can help. They can advise you on how to make things easier. Maybe you are suffering from pst natal depression - this is a medical condition so don't feel bad if you are suffering ( I think fern Britten and Katie price suffered from pnd). - and treatment is good for this.

Are you stuck in the house ? If so, go out for a walk. Find a mothers and baby group. Fresh air and a change of scene can work wonders.

I hope you feel better soon, and can start enjoying your baby. Cyber hugs to you .

Forgetfulmog Thu 25-Jul-13 08:24:14

Hi op,

What you're feeling is completely natural - I think I probably cried every day for at least a month after dd was born. It's exhausting & draining & no new mum has a fucking clue what she's doing etc etc. But, it does get easier, I promise you, it really does.

Re baby losing weight - topping up is rarely necessary, it's usually just HCPs being over cautious. Bf babies often do go up & down the centiles & it's completely normal - they will regulate themselves eventually. In the meantime I strongly suggest you get a BF counsellor in to check your latch & also go to any bf support groups in your area - they are fab & you'll realise that you're not the only one feeling like this - I still go to my bf support group & dd is 10 months.

This too shall pass - repeat as necessary grin

Congratulations on your new baby thanks

Doodlekitty Thu 25-Jul-13 08:28:06

I was you 8 months ago. The pumping to top up is a killer. It gets easier, I promise. We started cosleeping which was a complete lifesaver. We also used some formula to top up which gave be a break, I weaned him off this once his weight was going the right way. Like someone said, groups are a saviour. I went to breastfeeding support groups and being out and about really helped, I still suffer if I have a full day in the house.

If in doubt speak to your doc though, in case it is a touch of PND

Kay03 Thu 25-Jul-13 08:43:28

Thanks f

Kay03 Thu 25-Jul-13 08:45:03

Thanks for responses. My husband is absolutely brilliant and knows how Im feeling, as does my mum who is also amazing but sometimes It doesn't really matter if your stuck, your stuck! I thnk I just need to sleep and relax- see

Kay03 Thu 25-Jul-13 08:45:55

Seeing my midwife tomorrow so will mention to her. Just want to enjoy my baby rathe than begrudge all the change, x

Forgetfulmog Thu 25-Jul-13 08:50:24

You will Kay, you will, but remember that having a baby is a shock & completely life changing. It takes time to settle into "normality". Looking after a new baby & bf are skills that need to be learnt, just like driving a car or learning a new job.

At the end of each day, ask yourself these questions:

"Are my baby & I still alive?"
"Am I still (relatively) sane?"

If the answers to these 2 questions are yes, then you've done brilliantly smile.

Mycatistoosexy Thu 25-Jul-13 14:44:28

How old is your LO? It's normal for little babies to cry a lot. My DS cried all the time for four months (at least it felt that way). Is baby feeding ok during the day? Ask midwife for tongue tie problems or at meat to check your latch maybe.

Also here's a little secret....newborns aren't really that fun...

Don't feel bad that you aren't enjoying everything, it will get better and you'll get a rhythm going and settle in to everything.

Mycatistoosexy Thu 25-Jul-13 14:44:50

Least not meat

Kay03 Thu 25-Jul-13 16:03:21

She's 1 week old. Everytime I out her down after feeding etc she sleeps for ten minutes then waks up again crying. Don't known what to do

PicnicPie Thu 25-Jul-13 16:30:27

It is so so hard at first. You're sort of in a catch 22. You want to enjoy your baby but you're so drained physically and mentally that you can't. A least that's how I felt. It took me 6 weeks to settle into a routine. Before that I cried a lot. Pretty much every day. My DH would return from work and I'd be sat in the same position every day crying about one thing or another (tired, DD hasn't slept, sore nipples, lonely, stuck in the house etc....) but it does get better. You will get into the swing of things and before you know it back to your old self. It's a massive change to deal with so it's good to know you have a good support system with your DH and DM. Just continue to talk to them, share how you feel, and take any offers of help. Any cry. Don't hold it in.

You will get through this and all will be a distant memory. DD is 7 months now and the day just flies past. I found what helped me was to have milestones, things in the diary to look forward to and focus on, but at the same time getting through each day. I would break up my day so that it wasn't so monotonous. Go for a walk, coffee with a neighbour etc.

You can do it. Your baby is only 1 week, it will take time. Be kind to yourself. You will get there, just like we all have. flowers

Mycatistoosexy Thu 25-Jul-13 16:35:48

Maybe try a sling for her? Feed her and then poo her in the sling. She might sleep better and you will feel more normal. Or try a rocker, see if she will sleep in that.

My DS would only sleep on me so after a while I have in and let him so that he would sleep. I watched loads of TV while he slept smile. At night we co-slept and that made things easier.

Mycatistoosexy Thu 25-Jul-13 16:36:16

I'm so sorry for typos. Bloody iphone

lola88 Thu 25-Jul-13 18:35:57

Ask your mum to babysit even if it's just during the day go to bed and sleep sleep sleep!

I used to go to my grans house feed DS and then go to sleep for a couple of hours while they had DS it was a life saver also my mum and mil babysitting when he got a bit older. I was a much happier mummy with some sleep it defo benefited DS sometimes i felt like i was losing grip i don't know how i would have managed without help.

monkeynuts123 Thu 25-Jul-13 19:45:33

Tell people to come over because you need a cry because you're not coping, that would feel like such a relief to be honest with yourself and others. Every mother would know how that feels and you will get support and not PND.

KateCroydon Thu 25-Jul-13 20:00:10

Could she have reflux?

Forgetfulmog Thu 25-Jul-13 20:18:06

Op your baby is only a week old & wants to be close to her mummy. It took me a few months to realise this but babies do want their mummies a lot - for comfort & for food - & it's completely normal & natural for them to do so.

Also all (or at the very least, most) newborns have reflux to some degree as their stomachs are simply too immature. This is also normal.

As another poster has said, get yourself a sling & just carry her (I went to the loo, cooked, cleaned, walked, ironed with dd in a sling for the first few months). No you won't be making a rod for your own back by doing this. Babies want to be held, all completely natural.

Oh & you can put her down for 10 mins before she cries? You're lucky, mine screamed literally the second I put her down grin. I remember it being a killer & then I stopped fighting it & just carried her in a sling.

I know you must feel utterly exhausted & unable to see the light atm but honestly it does get easier, I promise.

You're doing amazingly well, just hang in there.

But seriously - find yourself a bf support group, they are amazing smile

NothingsLeft Fri 26-Jul-13 11:20:35

I was the same when my DS was born. Cried my eyes out, worried I wasn't enjoying it, worried about bonding. Becoming a parent is so hard but it does get better.

It is a massive shock not to be able to sleep, eat, watch TV, having to feed, wind and change bums 24/7. All that top of the biggest physical activity a body can go through. Nothing can prepare you for it.

It is all so new but it will settle down and you will find your own rhythm with things. Newborns grow and get easier and you will get more confident.

Do ask for help from any mum friend if you have one. They have all been there.

cory Sat 27-Jul-13 08:56:50

For a baby to lose weight in the first week is absolutely normal, often takes them a couple of weeks to get back to birth weight. If she is still steadily not gaining or even losing after 2-4 weeks, that is the time to start wondering if something is the matter. Could be anything from tongue tie or reflux to hypotonia (weak muscles) or a bad latch. But the initial drop in weight after birth is just normal.

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