am I a crap mum

(18 Posts)
zoesmum2012 Sun 14-Jul-13 09:36:33

Hi wanting other mum to say what they really think no sugar coating lol. Am a mum to 6 m lo and I just feel like like am not doing it righ
1. I wake up to her cry cos am a deep sleeper then while am feeding her a bottle I don't always chat .
2. I bottle feed
3. Don't use cloth nappies
4.I've cried infont of her
5.I let her sleep on my arms though the day
6 . I've begged her to sleep
7 sometimes when its really hard I wonder what I'd be doing if I wasn't a mum/wife
Please let me know what you think and ways to be bettersmile

JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 14-Jul-13 09:54:31

You sound perfectly normal and the fact that you worry about how you parent is a really good sign.

1. This is totally normal, really wouldn't worry about it. DH often gets up to our DC and I don't even stir. Can't see why that old make you a bad parent. Is the father in bed with you? Does he wake? Does that make him a bad parent?

2. What's the alternative, not feeding her? smile. Anyone who judges you for how you feed your baby should be ignored and avoided.

3. Can't see why that would make you a bad mum at all. Just don't even think about it.

4. Don't understand why that would make you a crap mum. My children have seen me laugh, cry, party. I think its good that they see you do all of these things. Bits fine to display a variety of emotions, its how you deal with those emotions afterwards that counts.

5. That's one makes you a great mum.

6. Unless you are one of the extremely lucky mums with a baby that sleeps 12 hours, we have all done that one! smile. Is sleep an issue? How often is she waking?

7. We've all done that one. Becoming a parent is such a huge upheaval, its only natural to wonder.

Are you getting out at all and mixing with other Mums? What does your normal day look like?

nethunsreject Sun 14-Jul-13 10:03:27

So, you feed and cuddle your baby? How dreadful wink wink. You sound normal and a good mum!

A crap mum wouldn't bother responding to her baby's cries, cuddle her or most importantly, worry about whether she was a crap mum!

You are definitely not a crap mum but you sound very tired (normal) and down, also normal but more worrying. Do you have a DP or someone around to help and are you getting out every day?

SecrectFarleysNibbler Sun 14-Jul-13 11:41:16

you are tired - end of!

You would not be normal to be otherwise. I know its a cliche but it does get better. Do it your own way - you have NOTHING to prove to others.

DameDeepRedBetty Sun 14-Jul-13 11:45:59

As everyone else has said if you were a crap mum you wouldn't be worrying like this. And all of us sometimes reminisce about how lovely it was when we weren't tied down by our LO, yes sure we had our freedom but would any of us REALLY not want the joy that our children bring (in between night feeds, poo-ey pants, ear-shattering wails etc etc grin)

zoesmum2012 Sun 14-Jul-13 14:10:49

I do worry just want the best for her my dh unwell at the min so that's prob why am so tried and feeling sorry for my self it just feels like everyone knows what they are doing apart from me. I do go ti baby mum groups but mainly the mums there are very up them self braging about such and such thanks I just needed someone to say am dping fine smilesmile

whatsoever Sun 14-Jul-13 15:03:44

Nothing on that list makes you a bad mum. None of them are even bad things. You sound knackered and hard on yourself.

Kafri Sun 14-Jul-13 16:53:19

1. I have never chatted to DS in the night - night is for sleeping and i'm confusing him if I play when he wakes in the night
2. I bottle feed - I started BF and he got poorly on day 2 and stopped feeding. He was taken to neonatal so I was adamant I wanted to bottle feed then so I could make sure he was getting enough. He's now on prescription milk for reflux.
3. I use disposables - whatever is on offer apart from a couple which I know don't fit him too well (I use reusable wipes to save a bot of cash though)
4. Oh hell have I cried - DS used to scream 15/16 hours a day, I'd challenge anyone not to get worn out by it.
5. I wish he'd fall asleep in my arms sometimes grin He will only nap in his cot!
6. Naptimes have been something of a struggle at times and I have willed and willed him to sleep to help us both feel better.
7. I can't admit to no 7, purely because I waited so long for DS, and he was IVF in the end so I cherish every single day with him. I spent 10 years thinking i'd never be a mum. I'm not for one second saying most mums don't cherish their time with their kids. Just that I was faced with never having the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world so to have it eventually is a blessing to me.

And as for everyone seems to know what they're doing - well, i wing it every single day. Every time I think i'm getting to grips with something, he changes it up. He is refusing a lot of his milk feeds now for example but I don't think he's eating enough food to replace that milk quantity. Then again, it could simply be the heat causing him to not want his milk. See, I have no clue but am slowly learning to take each day 1 at a time!

maja00 Sun 14-Jul-13 16:57:23

Nappies are completely irrelevant to the standard of your parenting!

I breastfed and used the time to watch TV, chat to friends and eat cake. No one ever told me you're supposed to talk to them.

Crying in front of her isn't ideal, but at 6 months she won't even notice!

All the other stuff is totally normal and in no way bad parenting.

AnythingNotEverything Sun 14-Jul-13 17:04:10

Sounds like you're doing a great job to me.

JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 14-Jul-13 19:20:10

I always think that the mums who say how brilliantly they are doing are just trying to convince themselves grin

My DS didn't sleep well and the times I've listened to people talking about how well their Lo slept. I always think with babies that you get it one way or another. DS didn't sleep at first but was a dream to wean and potty train. Dd was a brilliant baby but wouldn't talk much till she was 3 and is a fussy eater. Just smile at the other mums and even congratulate them when they tell you how well they are doing, safe in the knowledge that you are doing a great job too smile

Signet2012 Sun 14-Jul-13 19:27:11

I have 10 month old dd.

1. She fell off the bed for the second time yesterday. Landed on her head.
2. I bf dd not because I'm a fab parent. Because I'm too lazy to wash bottles.
3. On a night when she wakes I put her in my bed not because I agree with the principles of co sleeping. But because I can't be arsed to stand for a hour rocking her.
4. She had a chocolate digestive earlier.

You sound like you are doing absolutely fine grin

JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 14-Jul-13 20:19:46

smile at signet mine have been blithely ignored all afternoon while I chatted and drank Pimms at a do. Even let DS play on his DS for ages so he would be quiet. Both seem to have survived smile

Hope your DH recovers and you start to feel a bit better soon smile

zoesmum2012 Sun 14-Jul-13 21:06:59

Thanks all of you so what if I don't dance and smile all the time and all the other crap I've been feeling bad about I think as a mum its easy to point out the bad stuff first but she's happy and heathy and part time monstesmiler but I wudnt chance it for the world

MiaowTheCat Sun 14-Jul-13 21:30:31

1. I don't even DO the night feed - DH took that one on in order to give me a little bit of a break (I've got two under 18 months tho). I talk to them because they're too young to argue back and tell me I'm chatting utter shite.
2. You feed your baby. You feed your baby a nutritionally appropriate food - if you weren't feeding them or if you were shoving shit like rusks into the bottles - then you'd have grounds to worry
3. Your baby's clean, your baby's dry - so they might not have 10 different cute designed nappies on their arse a day - so what? Again - if you were leaving them sat in their own pee and crap - that's the time to be declared a shit parent
4. Who hasn't?!
5. You cuddled your baby - where's the crime there?
6. Who hasn't?!
7. Who hasn't?!

Kafri Sun 14-Jul-13 21:35:07

I win OP! DS was full time (+overtime) monster until he was at least 4 months, if not, later! grin

She's fed, watered, comfortable, nurtured and loved. What more does she need? No one says you have to be a perfect mum but if you asked her and she could answer. I'm sure she'd say she had the perfect mum!!

My motto is to make the good days brilliant and the bad ones bearable. One thing you can be sure of - the sun will set on every single day and you get to start afresh (or not so afresh) on the next one. Keep your chin up and keep doing what you're doing.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 15-Jul-13 08:17:20

Lovely post kafrismile

zoe glad you are feeling more positive and hope you are looking forward to a nice day smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now