Hello everyone, I hope you all are having a lovely day apologies in advance this will be long
I'm just a bit stressed out about my DP mum constantly getting more critical about feeding my 13 mo ds proper food and how to handle it. She was always quite sceptical about baby-led weaning from the start, she being a mum of the 70's both her ds's were weaned on jars of puréed food. I've explained to her that times have changed since then and many of us new mummy's offer finger foods with purées to start off.
Fast forward to now, she minds my ds 3 days a week and all is going great. We don't really have many issues, she is trying her best to make sure my son is well cared for and is doing a great job. I think this is mainly because in the beginning she was very critical of me, and being a stressed new mummy had a go at her. I don't feel bad about it, it built up for far too long and I kept quiet out of politeness hoping she would take the hint.
I don't want to have to do this again, I hate confrontation and it was so awkward since my DP her ds took her side (as he always does).
Anyway, I make all my ds food for him and leave it out for her to give him that day. She always gives him what I leave, and lets me know how much he has eaten, any problems etc. however, she is the type of person who is over over protective and a big worrier over the slightest thing. I however am not, I am a bit more of a relaxed mummy. Please don't think that I don't watch my son because I really do, I am cautious and worry about him loads too. Her style just grates me a bit because I feel like I can't relax around her with my own ds in case she is watching and picking up on the slightest thing. 'Oh riders watch him with that, you need to be careful with this' - I know this all already and find it all a bit patronising tbh as she shouldn't need to worry about stuff to that extent whilst I am around.
So she has started making comments about how he chokes on breadsticks I leave for her to give him (he loves them). Now I know he doesn't , he shovels his food in and will gag a little but not once with me has he choked on these with me. I make sure I break up the food more for him, he's even started doing it himself, he's 13 mo. I just ignored the first time she mentioned it, I know my son and I never leave him alone to eat anything.
Since she's gotten more used to minding my son she is being more critical of things I do, and she's careful to make sure she's not telling me what to do, to her it's 'just a suggestion' - then why keep mentioning it? She is the type of person who if someone is doing she doesn't agree with will keep mentioning it until they give in and it's getting on my nerves.
So today, I am knackered and DP gets up and goes to work without helping with anything (again). His mum turns up and my ds is having a nap and I run through his food for the day etc. I say I've got chopped up apple in the fridge for him and straight away she says "oh I don't like to give him apple riders he chokes on it, I prefer when you leave soft fruits", so I tell her I gave him apple last night with his dinner and he ate it fine. She then goes into the whole breadstick thing again (god this sounds so petty I know). I told her yes he might gag now and again not all the time, because he shovels his food in so just break it up into smaller bits if she's worried. Then she says "I've had to pat his back a couple of times because I thought he might have been choking", I've funnily not had this problem, he gags but never choked, they are quite dry so I offer him water.
So I just ended the conversation by saying I'm not worried, he is absolutely fine with me on these food. In fact I'm pretty proud how well he can feed himself now after the nightmare I had in the beginning with weaning him. I know I probably sound like a loon and overacting as she is minding my child for free and is a wonderful granny to him, but it makes me feel like she thinks I don't care about my child or notice anything about him. I think I'm a good mum but all this gets me a bit down, there are other things she picks up on too so it's not just feeding.
I don't know how to handle this, I can't ask my DP as I can't criticise his dm AT ALL and I'm not exaggerating, she is always right.
I've got no family here and no one to really talk to about how all this makes me feel.
Right, so getting to my point, what can I say to her that is positive about baby-led weaning? I'm kind of stuck of what to say when she thinks I'm giving him foods she thinks he could choke on. I personally think baby-led weaning has worked great for me and my ds. I shouldn't even have to explain my decision to her as I am his mum, but I totally understand she is worried that something may happen to a child in her care, I know I would.
What would you say to her? Be nice though, I want to be as diplomatic as possible as things are going well at the moment.
Thanks if you have managed to survive this long winded thread
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Baby-led feeding - how to stop DP mum worrying?
35 replies
Ridersofthestorm · 10/07/2013 12:15
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