Today I was a crap mummy

(20 Posts)
twinklyfingers Tue 09-Jul-13 20:21:13

I have an 8mo dd and I am 8 weeks pregnant with dc2 (a little surprise!) I have been so tired and feeling so sick that I have lost the motivation to do things with her and I feel terribly guilty about that.

Today was really bad. I didn't sleep well last night so I napped when she napped and got nothing done around the house, then when she was awake I mostly lay on the floor with her, occasionally chatting to her or singing songs. sad I didn't play with her toys with her or take her even for a walk. I just felt like I was counting down the times between naps. Then to top it all off, at 7pm I cracked, knew she wasn't totally sleepy but put her to bed anyway. She was ok for half an hour, but then lost it and got totally upset. So she's now crawling about the floor in the living room looking very cute and very awake. And poor dh has got in the door from having fillings done at the dentist to a mess of a kitchen and a wide awake baby up way past her bedtime. sad

If you've got through that can you remind me what I should be doing with my dd at this stage? Mostly I just want to lie down and try to eat things that might stop me feeling so sick, I need you all to help me buck myself up!

jemstipp Tue 09-Jul-13 20:28:40

Don't be so hard on yourself, your body is supposed to take 2 years to fully recover from a pregnancy. Yours hasn't had a chance. I'm sure your DH will understand. Maybe you should go to the Dr for a little blood test to make sure your iron levels are ok etc. But other than that, if you are tired, you are tired don't worry about bloody housework and you are already doing more with the little one than a lot of people. Look after yourself :-)

rubyanddiamond Tue 09-Jul-13 20:35:22

You're doing great - early pregnancy with another baby to look after is tough!! The housework can wait, your 8mo doesn't care too much about what she does all day as long as you're there, and you need to sleep to look after yourself and the new baby smile

twinklyfingers Tue 09-Jul-13 21:12:01

Oh thank you both. I have a wee tear in my eye from your kind words.

She's sleeping now, dh took over and put her to bed and tidied up the kitchen.

jem that is a good point about the iron. My levels were good with dd but I had a pph when she was born and after that they dropped. I was on iron for about two months, my doctor told me to stop but didn't check my levels again. I will talk to my midwife about it.

I do remember how rubbish this stage of pregnancy is. I think I'm also feeling guilty that the pregnancy is impacting on dd in a negative way.

MiaowTheCat Tue 09-Jul-13 21:22:51

Back-to-back pregnancies are brutally hard on you (I've got 11 months between my pair) - your body physically doesn't get the chance to recover and you've got more demands on you this time so can't just go zonk out on the sofa if you need to... and this heat doesn't help either - to be honest I think the KIDS are marking time between naps it's that berluddy hot!

Dizzy79 Tue 09-Jul-13 21:32:15

Housework can wait. You sound like you did ok hun. Sometimes as a mum you cant be a complete warrior! Your not doing this every day and it is OK to have an off day. Wouldn't it be lovely to be a mum without guilt

twinklyfingers Tue 09-Jul-13 21:34:12

I know, we are not used to such heat! Dd is usually cheerful but I think the heat (+ tired out mummy) is making her a bit grumpy. I suppose that might mean she's not up for a lot of activity either.

Matsikula Tue 09-Jul-13 21:41:31

I think lying on the floor and talking and singing is a great compromise if you are tired. The playing and exploring will more or less take care of themselves at that age - the talking doesn't. Sure, they need some stimulation but that doesn't mean you have to be some manic 24 hour clown. Maybe try going out first thing when it is still fairly cool, or else a little peaceful walk round the block late afternoon.

Don't feel guilty about the pregnancy - you are making her a sibling and that is a pretty cool pay-off for a few weeks slightly less full-on parenting.

You'll have more energy soon!

And sod the kitchen.

Littleballofhate Tue 09-Jul-13 21:41:59

I call what your are doing survival parenting. I know, because I did the exact same thing with my dc. As long as everyone is fed and in clean nappies, then job well done I say smile I promise this will not last forever and you sound like an excellent mum to me!

soontobeafirsttimemom Tue 09-Jul-13 21:52:11

Sorry to say but when we have a bad nights sleep (like last night) thats pretty much what we do and at 8 months old that's what babies like, lying around 'chatting', singing etc, they don't really need fancy activities, they are nice but they don't need them exactly.

I agree with the above a clean nappy when needed/ milk/ food when required and obviously lots of cuddles, sounds to me like a lovely day relaxing.

However hope your feeling a little better soon!!!!!

PoppyWearer Tue 09-Jul-13 21:53:40

Tomorrow is another day! You are at a really tough stage of your pregnancy.

We all have days (weeks, months!) like that.

leelteloo Tue 09-Jul-13 22:02:16

Dd is 3, ds is 10 months & I am 10 weeks. I truly empathise with you. I have been so tired and sick that I feel like I've been a very poor substitute for a mummy the last 2 months. But the sickness and tiredness have eased up in the last week and I'm getting back my old energy.
You sound like you are doing your very best and it is so hard when you literally can't face doing anything.
Hope the sickness passes for you soon and just be thankful that your dd doesn't ask you every five minutes to play bloody Barbies!! confused

ZingWidge Tue 09-Jul-13 23:05:31

what you describe OP is quite normal!

don't feel guilty! housework is not that important.
rest, eat, take it easy.

you'll do more when you have more energy.

cheer up, its only going to get worse! grin grin grin grin

poachedeggs Tue 09-Jul-13 23:08:37

Blimey, mine are 5 and 2 and some days all I do is lie on the floor too grin

WandaDoff Tue 09-Jul-13 23:14:59

She was clean, fed & happy. You talked to her & sang songs.

I think you are doing brilliantly. Especially when tired, nauseous & hot. smile

DO get those iron levels checked out though.

Sneets Tue 09-Jul-13 23:17:16

Hey poachedeggs and twinklyfingers, floor is a lovely place, enjoy it. I've been down here 12 years! Only getting up to give birth 7 years ago!!

twinklyfingers Wed 10-Jul-13 09:56:27

Thank you all for your replies, they've made me feel much better. It's much cooler here today, dd is cheerful and we're off out to a music group after her nap. So I'm feeling much more positive, even if I do still feel sick!

It's good to hear that other people have experienced the same thing and have days where lying on the floor is the most they can manage. I'm not telling people in RL about the pregnancy yet so it's good to come on here and talk about how it's making me feel. Thank you everyone!

peachypips Wed 10-Jul-13 10:02:20

You are being normal. Just getting through the day is all you need to worry about when you are sick and have a baby too. Your baby will be getting enough stimulation from the world alone at the age she is. Quit feeling guilty and look after yourself- if she's not crying she's fine!
I am the eldest of four and we are close together. Mum never played with us as she had enough to Di just looking after us! We are all happy, well balanced, reasonably intelligent and love each other and our fab mum. I think she was a brilliant mum and never think about the fact she didn't play with us- we were too busy having fun.
Be released from the guilt and Di whatever it takes to get through the day. Your DD will never remember it and she'll develop anyway!

peachypips Wed 10-Jul-13 10:03:10

Do do do!!! Not Di!!

MiaowTheCat Wed 10-Jul-13 13:32:26

You got down on the floor - more than I managed with DD1 while pregnant with DD2 (I have 11 months between 'em)... SPD meant I was seriously limited what I could do - if I'd got down there I'd have been stuck there till DH came home at teatime (which happened on one occasion)!

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