Baby won't sleep in pram or crib

(49 Posts)

My 2 week old ds will only sleep on me or DH.
We have tried putting him in the pram or the crib and he either cries or he wakes up and then cries.
I have tried putting a top of mine in (as suggested by mw) but doesn't seem to help. This is not just night time but day as well so I am getting very little done.
I have tried waiting till he has been fed then fallen into a deep sleep, also DH has tried placing him in but neither works.
Mw has suggested leaving him to cry but I'm not keen to do that either, as he then gets himself worked up and it's really difficult to then settle him.
So far I have been letting him sleep on me so we can get some sleep/ quiet but need advice as long term we can't do this and DH is now back at work. Any ideas? I'm feeling like a very rubbish first time mum at the minute.

Candice83 Wed 17-Jul-13 13:15:44

Dovetale thanks, sadly at the moment my husband is away. He's in the army in a nasty place for another couple of months or so leaving just me! Considering I've not slept much in 6.5 wks it's no wonder I look the way I do lol! I'm with my parents who are feeding me, doing my laundry and allowing me to bath etc so that is something! I've set up something like the bed nest next to me but so far no success. I have time tho smile and am also hoping the cranial osteopathy and gaviscon help. My aim is to be in a better place by time DH comes home so we can enjoy a bit of family time following a tough 12 months xxx really sorry littlemissexpecting to hijack your post, hope you're ok today xxx

Dovetale Wed 17-Jul-13 10:34:53

Candice I just wanted to say that in my NCT group of 9 we all had this problem. We all found our own way through but some of the solutions were:

1. using a bed nest
www.nctshop.co.uk/NCT-Bednest-Rental-for-6-months/productinfo/4364R/
2. parents sleeping in shifts
3. co sleeping
4. time!

If I have another I will be purchasing the sleepyhead deluxe bed guard as the reviews are amazing.

My husband developed a ridiculously complicated system to get her to sleep in her moses basket involving a feed, then an upright cuddle to sleep, then laying a muslin on his knees and laying her flat on his knees, then easing her slowly into the moses basket with the now warm muslin underneath her, sometimes keeping his hands underneath her for a minute! He was sure it made a difference!

Candice83 Tue 16-Jul-13 22:32:05

Well I must say having this chat has really helped and feel much more positive. I hope it has you too littlemissexpecting. Hope I can maintain it at the 3am feed and when I'm on my own tomorrow struggling to get dressed lol! I am determined to get sorted but accept it won't happen over night. Weirdly I've seen some improvement tonight and for the second time this evening I've propped him up inside a breast feeding pillow and he is asleep! I tried his bed but that failed so this is a start. I'm sure we'll bed share again as can't have him in that all night but even if it gives me a few hours a day it would be enough to get home from living here. I'll keep on trying different ways to get him comfy and have another session with the osteopath next week so fingers crossed that it does get better albeit slowly. I'm sure as you all felt and feel, you just want to be a good mum and enjoy it. Thanks again to you all xxx

KeepTheFaithBaby Tue 16-Jul-13 20:40:05

Kafri says it really well sorry one handed typing with baby asleep on me awaiting transfer

KeepTheFaithBaby Tue 16-Jul-13 20:39:11

We've gradually seen improvements too. I was only thinking today as DD sat in her bouncy chair and watched me bring in the washing how far we've come. I used to put my pjs on at 6.30 while DH did bottle (she's EBF but has one EBM bottle in the evening to give me a break!) because as soon as bottle was done that'd be it til 10-11pm, constant feeding and screaming if she wasn't! Now we have a lovely smiley contented baby. Around 5 weeks I wasn't sure we'd eve

*Lafti+ says it teally well smiler

Kafri Tue 16-Jul-13 20:26:20

Candice Yes it's definitely a gradual change. One day you'll just think to yourself 'remember when' and you'll realise how far you've come.
DS was on hyper alert from day 1 - it seemed like he hated being helpless and things have improved as he's got more able and interested in things. He can sit up by himself now and reach for toys he wants and I can literally see things change before my eyes now.
It was soooo hard having a baby that was awake so many hours cos lets face it, you just cannot entertain a tiny baby - they're just not developed enough to be interested in anything.

Two things that also helped me - google Dr Sears and Dr Harvey Karp. Sears talks about the fussy baby and Karp talks about the 4th trimester of pregnancy and how babies could do with a bit longer to cook before they arrive. Some of it really made sense to me.

Your son has just been in a cosy comfortable world encased inside you where he had every whim catered for without the slightest whimper. He then went through the trauma of birth and suddenly his whole world was completely different. Think about it, warm and wet in the womb - fluctuating temps out here. Cosy and squished inside - big wide world out here. Muffled sounds inside - a never ending stream of different sounds,volumes, tones etc outside. Swayed with your movement inside - can all of a sudden find himself perfectly still and alone when he's put down now. Added to that there's all the sounds and stimuli now that his tiny new brain, eyes, ears, nose and mouth have to adjust to and get used to. When you think about all that, is it any wonder he's clinging to his mummy for dear life and taking a bit of time to accept his new surroundings. And then, on top of all that, bless him, he's one of the unlucky ones who start life with reflux!!!

If Gaviscon does start causing poo probs, or indeed just doesn't seem to be helping, then do go back and ask for a review. There's loads of stuff they can and will try and it's a case of finding the right one for your LO.

Oh and lastly - just remember DS will not remember any of this, and your mind will magically dilute some of your memories so they don't seem so bad! and one day you might even find yourself going down this magical (bumpy) road again with another little bundle of joy

xx

Candice83 Tue 16-Jul-13 18:09:30

Kafri, thanks for your words as it really helps to know your son is a good sleeper now. I think that's what I'm most afraid of. Although 5/6 months seems like forever I know it's not (just half my mat leave lol!) Did your son improve leading up to that? For example did he have periods during the day of play and calm that increased? My son currently at 6 weeks has about 2 moments a day where he is happy to sit or lie and look around, engage with me a bit and I was hopeful that this continues and gets longer in time?! I will watch that with the gaviscon but am guessing that it's best not to think anything will 'fix' this overnight and lessen my expectations a bit. My husband in home in about 10 weeks so DS will about 16 wks by then and I'm hopeful life might be a bit easier so we can enjoy being a family at long last.
Hope Littlemissexpecting is ok and we get there with our little ones xxx

Kafri Tue 16-Jul-13 16:49:15

DS was a screamer and I beat myself up for weeks and weeks about how I had the inly baby that screamed ALL the time while other people had these quiet contented little babies who lay nicely in their pram. I literally carried him non stop for the first 4/5 months and gradually it got better.
I had the same problems with getting something to eat/getting jobs done/going for a wee etc. My HV tried saying that it was ok to put him down while I got 5 mins peace but i couldn't make her see that the 5 mins of peace just weren't worth the energy i'd then have to use calming him down again afterwards!!! Honestly, i've been there and it's bloody hard work, BUT, I promise you it sn't forever it just feels like it

Candice - just watch out for constipation with the Gaviscon - some babies are fine on it, others get constipated and it just made metters a whole load worse for us for a week and DS ended up on Lactulose to get things moving again.

We tried different variations of Gaviscon, Ranitidine, Omeprazole, Lactose free milk and Cows Milk Protein free milk until we found the combo that worked for us but in all honesty, the thing that had the most effect was just time which obviously noone can do anything about.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUM AND IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT, though yes, I went through the exact same thought process many times

white noise and tummy sleeping was the way forward for us and it meant that we could start to get at least some rest.
For what it's worth, now DS is a great little sleeper - he goes down in his cot and takes himself off to sleep really well and has done for a while now where other babies I know are still up every hour or so.

Try not to beat yourself up about things - honestly I found things much easier to deal with once I just accepted that that's just how DS is and there isn't a magic button to make him any different.

I realise it's easy for me to say all this now but I have lived through it and one day in a few months time, you will be saying this very same post to another mum out there who's thinking exactly the same as you are now.

xxx

Candice83 Tue 16-Jul-13 15:14:39

Hi, yes they do think possible reflux so have been given gaviscon to try now. How long does it usually take if it works? I've got some swings at home that occasionally settle him but not so much anymore. I've just been to a cranial osteopath who feels a lot of tension in his skull and abdo, he has done a bit of work and going back next week for more then in a month. I went when he was 3 weeks and the tension wasn't there as bad so it has got worse. Currently he is sleeping in pram on his front!!! I'm going to keep battling this as I'm determined to enjoy DS and mat leave before I go back. Will just have to trial and error all your suggestions. I hope your little ones get better as it's so bloody hard. Thanks all xxx

KeepTheFaithBaby Tue 16-Jul-13 13:54:29

Oh and DD has reflux which I think contributes to it - she's been much better since we got gaviscon for her. Also try tilting the crib by 30 degrees at the head end...

KeepTheFaithBaby Tue 16-Jul-13 13:52:48

Oh my sympathies, we had exactly this!

All babies are different but things that helped us - putting the clothes smelling of us underneath her, so warming it on us then putting it over the sheet iyawim. Midwife advised 'never put her in a cold Moses basket'. Even then she has to be fast off. I still never succeed in getting her to sleep there in the day! I do the subtle slide too where I rock here as I stand, then keep my hand under her for a good few minutes. She also loves the sling and sleeps in there. Disadvantage is she tends to wake when I take her out.

Does she sleep in the car? I go out for drives a lot! But our saving grace was this swing. First time we got it she fell asleep in it. We were so amazed we took photos and nearly cried!

All I can say is its 13 weeks now and it's gradually got easier. No miracle cure, lots of hits and misses, so many transfer fails but such joy when she does sleep! Hang in there.

mindalina Tue 16-Jul-13 13:43:06

can you get a swinging chair? it was a godsend for me with both of mine.they can be expensive but I picked one up at a boot sale for six quid grin

rrreow Tue 16-Jul-13 13:39:48

Candice is it possible your LO has reflux? Babies like that much prefer to be upright and get very upset when put down because it makes the reflux worse. I don't have personal experience with this but it's worth looking into.

My 5wo DS actually much prefers sleeping on his stomach than on his back. So for all his daytime naps (I am in the same room with him) I put him on his front. If I put him on his back he will just fuss, cry, keep waking up and never go into a deep sleep. YMMV

Candice83 Tue 16-Jul-13 13:20:41

Lol yes, I appreciate he is tiny still and that's why I try not to get too stressed but I must say out of all my friends with babies (and that's a fair few) none have had screaming the second you put them down, whether it be in the moses, the pram, the car seat so I was sort of thinking there may be a problem. I just feel a bit lost but perhaps I just need to sit it out a bit longer, maybe I'm worrying too much xx

Emski76 Tue 16-Jul-13 13:15:33

P.S. I wish health visitors and antenatal teachers told you all this before you had your baby, it would ease some of the surprise at it all.
P.P.S.It was bloody tough but am still considering baby number 3!!!

Emski76 Tue 16-Jul-13 13:12:38

Its pretty normal in my experience for babies as young as yours op to want to be held all the time. I found with both of my boys, now 5 and 2, that they lead you into a false sense of security for a few weeks by sleeping in their baskets etc, then when they start to become more aware they want you ALL the time. I remember it well. With ds1, he would sleep 12 hours a night from 5 weeks (!) but daytime naps were always on me. To stop feeling so trapped I would walk him in his pram for his morning nap, then let him sleep on me for his afternoon nap. Around 5/6 months, we did controlled crying, though not letting him cry for more than a few seconds. We bought a camera so we could watch him and could see he was ok, and that he was crying because his thumb was falling out of his mouth. Within a few days he was fine.
ds2, slept on me in a sling, as I had ds1 and couldn't be sat all day. He occasionally co slept with me but gradually over time this too stopped.

This stage is all part of having a baby, and is probably the toughest part for me. Please stay strong and know it WILL end, then you'll just have to cope with a stroppy, tantrumming 2 year old, then a bossy, 5 year old with an attitude problem!!!

Candice83 Tue 16-Jul-13 12:59:17

I know exactly how you feel. That's why I had to go to parents, I lost so much weight through not eating. I feel so down at times, as this wasn't how I thought it would be. I knew it be tough but this is another level. I keep trying to focus on this not being forever though and see the positives and the fact I have a gorgeous little boy. It's hard somedays though and I've stopped seeing anyone really as I'm slightly embarrassed by it all. Anyway, I'm sorry as I'm not helping you feel better by moaning on, just I really felt like the only one at times lol and also so worried about having a 6 mth old baby that just cries and sleeps in my bed!!

Still no improvement, still sleeping on me.
It's very frustrating having to put him down to cry so I can go for a wee, get a glass of water etc.

Candice83 Tue 16-Jul-13 11:34:26

I'm having the same issue with DS who is now 6 weeks old. I'm feeling like a rubbish Mum as I just can't get anything done all day so have had to move in with parents. DH is on tour as he is in the army. I know people say enjoy it and jobs can wait but I'm finding it hard when I can't even feed myself.I am searching the net high and low for some miracle cure. I keep wondering if something is wrong with him as he seems so unhappy and not content. It's really getting me down now as everyone else I know is off out with their babies for walks, swimming, getting smiles etc. I can't help but feel it's something I've done. So, I can offer you no advice but wanted to let you know you're not alone and see if any of the advice can help. Hopefully things have improved for you now anyway xxxx

Kafri Wed 10-Jul-13 13:58:29

All you NEED to do is what your baby needs right now which is what you are doing. Don't fret about what you can't get done, it's not worth the energy.

He's far too young for cc. He's far too young to be manipulating you. He's telling you he needs to beheld close right now. I promise it doesn't last forever.

Going to look at slings tomorrow but that doesn't really fix the problem, just lets me do things.
Not too keen to swaddle or use blankets in this heat and really don't like the idea of cc but I need to do something.

juliaboo Tue 09-Jul-13 10:37:27

In my experience (2boys aged 12 + 14 months)the sooner u try & encourage ur baby to settle themselves in their cot to sleep the better. I am not advocating crying it out in such a young baby but gradual building up of time in the cot with u comforting( stroking, singing) & retreating. What is really interesting is that when i had DS1 12 years ago, it was considered perfectly acceptable to let ur baby cry it out as Gina Fords Contented little Baby book ws v popular. Now, mention crying it out & u wil b accused of practically killing them...just an observation of how parenting has trends like anything else!Ps- swaddling worked for mine as they feel more secure. Good luck- either way, ur baby wil gradually sleep better over time smile

Dorisday13 Tue 09-Jul-13 09:32:19

Another vote here for a sling

debbie1412 Mon 08-Jul-13 23:02:25

With both of mine I've let them fall asleep on me then wrapped a blanket around them and tucked it in like a swaddle then put them down. If they stir on the lift being them close to you ago and lower yourself and the swaddle into the crib. Stay lowered over them while you pull your hands away and ease your body back up. It's very normal for them to be unsettled out of your arms. Sometimes it works sometimes it take a few goes x

Alanna1 Mon 08-Jul-13 22:33:16

Are you swaddling? (properly) - but be aware of SIDS guidelines and make sure baby doesn't overheat. Are you using a dummy? may need to keep replacing at this age. Babies will sleep in their cots but also make sure they are properly tired before you try. IMO a little crying is ok but you know the difference between a protest cry and a wail. I rock my DD until nearly nearly asleep and then pop her down with her dummy. She protests for about 5-10 seconds then goes to sleep. Any longer and I pick her up and rock some more. I keep my hand on her chest as she falls more asleep, and take the dummy out after a few mins. I use a baby sleeping bag now.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now