DH is giving DS the silent treatment

(46 Posts)

DS1 is 3yo and hit DS2, 7mo. DH got very angry. We put DS1 in time out, but DH is now refusing to talk to DS1, saying "he has to see that I'm angry and he must learn to control his impulses". It's been about two hous now.

I'd like to know what people think about not talking to your 3yo.

CalamityKate Sun 30-Jun-13 11:29:00

Bit mean and unpleasant. He's probably forgotten what he did by now and is bewildered by daddy being cold towards him. Poor little boy.

SoupDragon Sun 30-Jun-13 11:29:26

Perhaps your DH needs to learn to control his impulses too. Is he 3 as well?

Blindly, that's a bit extreme, they do wrong, you tell off and move on, I'm not sure a three year old can understand being sent to Coventry.

Bit mean and childish of your Dh I think, I would not like Dh to do that with DS.

He's 3! Your husband is being ridiculous.

Picturepuncture Sun 30-Jun-13 11:32:45

I agree mean of DH, your 3yo hasn't got a clue why daddy's upset with him.

HouseAtreides Sun 30-Jun-13 11:33:00

Very wrong and unkind. A petty desire to punish a toddler. It will be a huge thing for your DS. He does an impulsive wrong thing but the punishment goes on and on.

readyforno2 Sun 30-Jun-13 11:33:47

I agree with the other posters. Your dh is not teaching your ds anything. He will not understand getting the silent treatment.

pictish Sun 30-Jun-13 11:34:23

Bit sadistic. Wanker.

isitsnowingyet Sun 30-Jun-13 11:34:47

A bit pathetic. DH should get a grip and lead by example

aboutagirl Sun 30-Jun-13 11:35:58

You need to put a stop to this now.

noddyholder Sun 30-Jun-13 11:37:39

Wrong on so many levels

lottieandmia Sun 30-Jun-13 11:37:50

shock this is awful imo. A grown adult acting like a child and having a passive aggressive sulk with his own child for hours? Not healthy.

WitchOfEndor Sun 30-Jun-13 11:39:27

DH needs to grow up and possibly read some parenting books. Intervene and discipline at the time something happens is fine, silent treatment is pointless. It's like rubbing a puppies nose in wee three hours after it widdled!

lottieandmia Sun 30-Jun-13 11:39:58

When parents do this kind of thing it's manipulative and toxic, sorry. Your DH is withdrawing his love for a child who should be allowed to make the mistakes a child does. This is conditional parenting.

hes doing that to a 3 year old shock

eurozammo Sun 30-Jun-13 11:43:25

What a valuable lesson to be teaching him. hmm

lottieandmia Sun 30-Jun-13 11:45:04

The time out was the consequence, and after that it should have been forgotten.

Sparklysilversequins Sun 30-Jun-13 11:45:23

I'd be getting furious if I were you and he'd be told to sort himself out pronto. It's worth a big row imo. Twat!

your DH needs to bloody grow up to be honest. I can't imagine a 3 year old is going to continue to mentally connect the two events hours later.

It is not okay for a toddler to hit a baby and it needs consequences which you gave at the time but is is fairly standard toddler behaviour.

pictish Sun 30-Jun-13 11:47:16

I know who needs to learn to control his impulses, and it's not your three year old. hmm

I just showed the thread to him, hope somethink has sunk in... thanks for all the replies.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sun 30-Jun-13 11:48:10

I don't think there is anything wrong with being cross with a 3 year old for a prolonged period of time, they are old enough to understand it. So for example if he asked to go to the park I would be fine with DH saying 'No, I am still very cross with you for hitting DS2, that was very naughty', but I do take issue with the silent treatment - from anyone and to anyone of any age. It's pointless & pathetic.

If it was a 'one off hit' I think the prolonged anger is a bit much anyway. I guess it depends what the build up has been.

A 3yo won't even know why his daddy is ignoring him after an hour or so! That's really awful and your 3yo won't learn a thing. He had his consequences already, immediately after the event. Carrying it on for hours is cruel imo.

Sorry but your husband is a fucking idiot.

What does he think he is teaching your son?

Not tolerance, forgiveness and learning from his actions and mistakes that's for sure.

Reprimand, punish, talk it over, kiss and hug and finished. Life continues.

Your poor son is going to grow up doing as he is told to avoid his dick of a father ignoring him rather than doing as he is told because he knows what is right and wrong. He will be growing up surrounded by anger and oppression and he himself will have strange extreme reactions to others actions.

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