Getting your boob out infront of in laws.

(65 Posts)
MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:05:19

Hi! smile
im 33 weeks pregnant with our 2nd lg, i really want to breast feed, i couldnt with our 1st (loooong story)
So, im aware that we're going to have visitors when she's born, obviously.
And im really worried about feeding infront of my inlaws ..not so much my family (no idea why!?) and i couldnt careless about starngers.
How did you BF mummies get over it? What did you do? Shall i go upstairs with her? what about visiting people?
im abit self concious and kinda shy..so getting my boob out is a big thing haha..so just need abit of positive advice and tips smile

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 14-Jun-13 07:39:25

Yy to double layers
I used to go into another room until we both got the knack of it once latch is sorted and if you feel comfortable go for it - I was getting fed up of missing out on important conversations juicy gossip

Branleuse Fri 14-Jun-13 07:40:53

i breastfed in front of anyone. Granparents, relatives.

Its not like they saw much, or even looked

PoppyAmex Fri 14-Jun-13 07:42:20

"Nooo, not the cape!" grin

I agree with newpencil and fortyplus, get yourself one of these or a scarf.

Abra1d Fri 14-Jun-13 07:44:48

I think special capes are like putting <- all over you, announcing what you're doing!

I NEVER wore anything like that and fed two until they were eight months plus, in front of senior relatives. I don't think they saw a thing, and if they did, they were looking far too closely. I found fairly loose t-shirts were my friend. You want the baby to have access from the bottom of the layers, not from the top or side, that's the trick. When you get practised the baby covers your breast. It just looks as though you're cuddling him/her.

Abra1d Fri 14-Jun-13 07:45:50

...And agree about muslins or scarves, if you still feel you have to cover up.

curlew Fri 14-Jun-13 07:50:51

Might it also be a good idea to try to think of it differently? "getting your boob out" is something that nobody (usually!) would want to do in public!

But you don't have to feed in front of anyone you don't want to. Just quietly take yourself off if you want to- and say "oh, she was a bit unsettled- it's easier in a quiet place" if anyone questions you.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 14-Jun-13 08:23:45

But the purpose of the cape isn't to hide the fact you are bf, it's just so you can be sure no nipple is showing which lots if women feel anxious about. Plus they have a builr in thing to hold the fabric away from the baby's head as lots of them don't like that.

I used to go and sit in my in-laws conservatory. After a while I got bored of being alone and just fed wherever.

Lala29 Fri 14-Jun-13 13:14:45

I found the bebe au lait cover a lot more practical than muslins and scarfs, especially once DD started wriggling a bit more. No need to worry about them slipping, covering baby's face, etc. all very well to say you should feel happy to breastfeed wherever (and I did), but I didn't want to worry about exposing myself. This was my issue and I felt comfortable and relaxed knowing I am covered up completely (and also allowed me to wear most clothes I wanted as could go from underneath or top depending on the outfit). I also don't agree that it's a big neon sign announcing what you are doing. Once it's on, often people didn't even realise there was a baby under there and I could still see her perfectly through the top. I was once out for lunch with a male friend, who after about 15 mins of me feeding asked if I was cold. He thought the cape was like a little blanket for me! So definitely not a neon sign!

flakjacket Fri 14-Jun-13 13:19:20

We had to go to a family wedding when my first was 3 weeks old. I found a quiet, out of the way place to bf only to have MIL seek me out and TAKE A PHOTO of me. OMFG - 12 years later I still haven't forgiven her.

MommyBird Fri 14-Jun-13 13:58:49

I don't mind people knowing im breast feeding if thats the case with those breast feeding capes..i just dont want people seeing my boob! Haha.
Ive got muslins alreadys, got a few tops that are easy access, those capes and i'll invest in come scarfs.
Its not that i want to hide feeding my baby, breast feeding is normal, its what boobs are for and i dont really mind if people feel weird about it, i just really dont want my boob falling out or being on show :')
thanks for all the advice ladies! Took it all on board, its abit hard trying to figure it out..like you cant practice or anything! Haha.

RNJ3007 Fri 14-Jun-13 14:04:21

Given my MIL used to scream at me about BF being unnatural and dangerous and that I'd kill the baby, I never fed DD in front of her and her husband.

With DS, they can either sit down and shut up, or sod off out of my house!

I stayed in the same room but made sure that I had dressed in easy access clothing (for DD, not for all and sundry!) smile

I quite often made use of a scarf which I could drape to conceal any boobage, but tbh nobody batted an eyelid.

yetanotherworry Fri 14-Jun-13 14:20:49

If you're worried and dont want to leave the room, you could always suggest that your visitors leave the room e.g. ask for a cup of tea, maybe your other little one could take nana/grandad and show them his toys in his bedroom/ or play in the garden. Most mums find its just the initial latch where there is any exposure because you want to be able to see if baby is latched on properly and then you can casually drape something across any flesh showing.

boardingschoolbaby Fri 14-Jun-13 14:27:29

I am breast feeding my first baby (4 weeks old next tues) and I have practised infront of a mirror in our bedroom a few times- I am now absolutely confident that using one of his muslins I can "set up", feed him and "pack everything away again" without anybody being able to see anything I wouldn't want them to. No special kit needed as I know I would be guaranteed to forget it when I needed it- there are always a stack of muslins in his changing bag.
Inlaws coming to stay next week again so I can try it out on them!! wink

TheYamiOfYawn Fri 14-Jun-13 14:42:05

Frankly, after the first couple of weeks of learning to get the baby to latch on easily, most breastfeeding mothers I know are far, far more worried about exposing saggy stretchmarked stomach while feeding than they are about a quick flash of nipple, which is why long vests are so good.

I would suggest allowing yourself a few weeks of learning time where you spend most of your time skin to skin with your baby, feeding, cuddling your toddler, watching films under a duvet etc. The baby is likely to take a long time feeding (45 minutes or so every couple of hours is fairly typical, with feeding frenzy growth spurts, often in the evenings of 5 hours or more or constant feeding). I would say that for many women, feeding discreetly at that stage is next to impossible, so it can be handy to have a little feeding nest set up in your room or somewhere quiet that you escape to and let people into st your invitation only, do you can get the baby latched on and settled and then do a bit of subtle muslin/scarf/cardigan draping once the baby is settled on the breast.

Once you get the hang of breastfeeding, it's really easy to do it in front of people without showing boob, and you'll probably have a better idea of what makes you feel exposed and what annoys and distracts your baby.

MommyBird Fri 14-Jun-13 16:18:03

Latching on was the reason i stopped with my 1st lg, i was a young mum and my labour was just so long, i'd never felt so exhausted, she latched on fab in the hospital and had her feed, it was amazing!..
And then we came home! I couldnt hold her, i couldnt walk or anything as i was aching from head to toe it was awful..i was a sobbing mess..she wouldnt latch on right, my nips ended up bleeding, my HV didnt show up, it was awful, i just gave in and bottled fed so my hubby and mom could help me...which resulted in more sobbing!
Nobody said it was so complicated or explained anything to me, i just assumed it was easy. ha! How wrong was i!?
2nd time round im doing my research, i feel alot more confident being a 2nd time mum and feel ok to tell people (mainly inlaws, not a fab relationship, a whole other thread! :')) what i want/need and whats happening regarding OUR baby.

Im hoping that its going to be alot more relaxed (and me too!) so i can just take our lg to fed in another room or get my boob feeding on..without feeling like im taking her away from from eveyone. my needs and my baby are coming 1st this time.
"Sit down and shut up or sod off" is my attitude this time! Haha.

Hullygully Fri 14-Jun-13 16:19:59

Just use a big scarf, don't waste money on "capes" and go upstairs if you want to.

In the early days, I was really quiteshy of doing it (it's still a bit awkward)

not so much in front of my inlaws, but especially in front of people at church.
One of the older choir members (male) who's had 2 children and a few grandchildren said to me "just feed her- we've all been there. She's hungry, just don't worry about what other people think"

and since then, I thought about that whenever I was worried about feeding her in public.
smile

From your last post - make sure you know the contact details for as many peer supporters/la leche league reps/local feeding groups/other mums who have done it as you possibly can before you give birth.

I was really lucky that my friend who had BFed 4 children was around and at my beck and call for the first week after giving birth smile
I know someone now who hasn't been so lucky with support (not having anyone to turn to who knew what they were talking about)

ChunkyPickle Fri 14-Jun-13 16:24:05

I know what you mean - for some reason I have no problem feeding in front of strangers (plonked on a garden chair in the middle of Costco for instance), and after a deep breath, was fine doing it in front of friends, but
I do feel nervous about the idea of feeding in front of family (wasn't a problem with the first as was away from family). I'm going to head off to the bedroom I think - both because I'll probably want the break from visitors, and because with my first, learning to feed lying down was one of the best ideas anyone ever gave me.

MommyBird Fri 14-Jun-13 16:27:21

My bestfriend breastfed her son and she had a breast feeding buddy..i had no clue they exsisted. she had also been given numbers and went to breast feeding classes! No idea. My midwife (all 10+ of them!) or HV never mentioned anything like that to me.

cupcake78 Fri 14-Jun-13 16:40:35

I'm the same op. Im dreading it and hated it first time round. This time I will restrict visiting. I will feed baby where i am comfortable in my house, in laws can come here to see us until I'm ready. The problem I've got with going there is if bil is staying which they will be as its over summer there is nowhere to escape to feed as all rooms are taken.

I also plan to use Muslins/ scarves to maintain some dignity. The real problem is going to come with nieces and nephews who are already overly fascinated by my body and full of questions. I know their only little 5-9 yrs old but I'm not keen on my boobs being stared at and commented on when I'm already self conscious!

CatL Fri 14-Jun-13 18:22:26

I think have to do what feels right for you. I certainly don't think BF should be hidden away, but I also think you should be relaxed as possible when doing it, whihc you won't be if you feel self conscious. I also think it would be a real shame to limit / ban visitors in the first few weeks, as some have suggested - showing DD off was my favourite bit!!

From personal experience, I found BF quite hard, as DD would thrash about a lot, have difficulty latching on, suddenly pull away leaving me sputing milk everywere etc! It got easier after first few weeks, then harder again at 3-4 months, when she seemed morre distracted and needed a quiet space to do it - that was when I stopped!

I did feed out and about / in front of people, with aid of a scarf, but didn't like doing it because it was hard to be subtle with issues above, and for some reason felt particularly uncomfortalbe in front of my FIL (and to a lesser extent MIL) and my own dad (same as Chunky Pickle said really) - not because of their reaction, but just me. So I wasn't afraid to leave the room if that was the case (although as some have said you do miss out on a lot that way, but also a nice chance for peace and quiet / to sit on the bed reading a book!) No one seemed to mind that, although I did try and get people who I wouldn't want to feed in front of to visit when DH was there to socialise with them where possible. I guess having the older child there will help with that in your case. once she started getting distracted, I even found myself sitting in the car when out and about a couple of times.

In reality it didn't arise with in laws much, as sadly FIL was being diagnosed with terminal cancer when DD was a month or two old, and they don't live near by, so we didn't get to spend as much time with them as we would have liked in the early days, and then I stopped BF (partly because it was difficult and partly due to retunr to work) at 4 months anyway. Maybe I'd have got more used to it if had to do it more (and got sick of leaving room!)

One friend said her tactic with visitors was to ask them to go to the kitchen and make a cuppa whilst she got latched on, then she was happy for them to come back in once got going!

meglet Fri 14-Jun-13 18:25:13

TBH I'd refuse visitors for a couple of weeks. You needing time to recover and establish bf are more important than them wanting a cuddle.

With DC1 the visitors helped to kill my bf chances stone dead. I didn't need the distractions. But with DC2 I banned them and was able to loll around in my pj's and learn at our pace. It also meant I could keep my boobs totally uncovered and go topless to let them get some air.

Nursing vests are handy when you've got it established. They meant I could wear a normal top, lift it up to feed and keep my tummy warm.

TheThickPlottens Fri 14-Jun-13 19:32:58

I second having as little visitors the first few weeks to give you a chance to recover and get bf established.

It's your home and your baby so prioritise that over your guests comforts. FIL used to vacate the room when I would nurse but by DD2, he'd gotten used to it and barely noticed if the baby was nursing. Everybody was polite and understanding about giving me space and time. A howling baby is not much fun to hold so it just made sense to leave her to be fed.

I kept guests away for the first 3 weeks with DD1 and two weeks with DD2.

I love the Boob brand nursing tops. Very discreet for nursing and easy to whip out a boob. The baby's head blocked any view of nipples.

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