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what do i have to look forwards to?(13 Posts)
I have a 7mo. I feel overwhelmed still and like I'll never get used to this parenting malarky. I'm putting on a brave face to most people but my family and GP/HV know i am depressed, I just can't explain to them I feel like I've made a horrible mistake in becoming a parent.
Can anyone tell me what I have to look forward to over the next few months? I feel like I have nothing to feel optimistic about, I thought having a baby would be fun.
This is a very hard work age to be at. When I had my first, who never slept much, it was non stop. I would say that you could try and find something to be proud of in yourself everyday and to have a moment just for you to be. This can be just a 5mins tea but it's your moment to relax.You must be optimisitic in yourself for the future and have some things to look forward to for yourself. Your childs 1st birthday, some other activity you can do that gives you a break, an evening out. Somethings that you can enjoy and so you can relax.
Children get more rewarding and more fun as they start to interact with you more, begin to walk and talk, and start to become a real 'little person' with their own personality. When they start to say "Mummy" - that is one of those moments that you will always treasure. It does sound like you're depressed - a lot of mums will find this age very tiring and hard work (I can empathise - my dd2 is 7mo) but few find nothing positive to look forward to. That 'black cloud' sitting over everything is typical of depression and makes it hard to find enjoyment or pleasure in anything, and makes everything feel hopeless. I strongly suggest you talk to your GP about medication, or if you are already taking something either increasing the dose or switching to a different drug if it is not working. Don't be afraid to ask for more help and support.
So much fun stuff coming soon, I promise! Sitting, crawling, waking, talking, in no time at all you'll be at the point where you wonder where your baby went, as they learn and do something new every day.
Do you do any baby groups or get out of the house at all?
I would say that at around 11/12 months, life started to feel a lot more "normal": I felt a lot more "healed", hormones settled down (stopped BFing etc), was able to get a bit more "me time" , was becoming more confident with childcare and "knowing my baby", my baby was becoming more independent. You have a LOT to look forward to
As a PP has said - your child's personality begins to develop too: which is great
Of course, your child will still keep you "on the hop", but life would get boring otherwise...
Nothing is quite the same (DS now 3 years and 4 months), BUT it is (most often) great in a different way. Certainly not boring or quiet. I get lots of hugs and kisses, lots of smiles, all of my food is "delicious"... I feel quite appreciated and the centre of one person's world (for now).
PoppyW - Babe is already crawling and sitting, it's hard work to be honest! I haven't been to any "stay and play" baby groups yet as I'm nervous about it but I have met up with other new mums at coffee mornings. I try and get out every day.
flanbase - on the rare times I get a break I don't know what to do with myself, I feel subsumed by parenthood!
Thank you QTPie - I am still BFing and I think when I stop (aiming for 12months) I will feel less drained. Conflicted about it really, I think it's not helping me improve my mood but it's so good for baby's health and well-being/comfort.
I actually gave up because of "grazing" with his teeth. He wasn't biting me as such (nothing that I could stop), but after each feed my nipple got increasingly sore and I was chomping down painkillers to ge through the days... He was only on 3 feeds a day by that point, bu it was the push for me to wean him off BFing. Might have carried on, but it seemed like a "good time" for us.
BFing was fantastic, but I got to the point where - in addition to the pain on he grazing - I wanted my body back. The independence (for me) and the "hormone fog" finally lifting was a relief and breath of fresh air. It may or may not help you, but - despite missing it in many ways - it was the right time for me to stop for me (if that makes sense).
Re "become a parent", you cannot change decisions made - you can only move forward. Things don't change overnight, but you can get yourself (albeit a "new self") back a little each day.
What did you like to do before you were a parent? Go to he gym? Swim? Yoga? Something else?
Is there some way that you can regularly get out to go and do something you enjoy again?
Mine was going to he gym (quick session inbetween feeds) twice a week: gave me 'head space", made me feel better about myself and allowed me to enjoy something just for me .
Once they are walking everything improves, then once they're talking they won't fail to cheer you up each day, I promise this feeling won't last. I adore toddlers but find under ones a very hard stage, you put so much in for little short term reward, but you will get the rewards in the long term
Can you go back to work, even part-time? Could your OH take some parental leave (he's entitled to, but not all men would).
I most enjoyed a cappuccino on my own at this time... Time to yourself every day. I'd go for a walk in the evening when my OH got home.
Do go to a soft play somewhere. A crawling baby will enjoy it. Leisure centres often have them. Libraries also good destination.
DD1 is now 18m and from c12m it got much more fun - talking is the key for me. So cute now!
It's not only the end of breastfeeding that will free you up a bit: older children need fewer meals, have fewer nappy changes, eventually get to the age where they will sit and play next to another child, then playschool. And talking definitely a big bonus.
It all changed for me when I went back to work pt when dd was 13 months old. She's getting on for 18 months now and I love the time I am with her because she can do so much more. She also learns things from other children at nursery so comes home and starts blowing kisses or doing actions from songs (I have to try to guess the song and sing it or the tears flow!)
When I was on mat leave I joined a cookery class and that made a massive difference as it was pure adult time (and a chance to get some meals cooked). I still do it now and have made some good friends. It is vital to have time to be yourself.
If BF is getting you down, you could try combining with bottles. A word of warning though, DD couldn't BF and is very healthy on the bottle but by 7 months I envied all the mums who didn't spend their evenings washing and sterilising bottles and didn't have to lug milk and bottles every time they went out!
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