Do you teach your child that if they're hit, they should hit back?

(62 Posts)
IcouldstillbeJoseph Wed 22-May-13 16:25:06

I remember being taught this as a child but now I have 2 small DC I have told them they don't hit back but they come and tell me, or CM etc.
DS is 2.3 and runs and tells me he's been bashed or whatever. Anyway, was at a playgroup last week and a friend (who incidentally is a police officer) told me that she has told her daughter if someone hits her she should hit them back harder as "I dont want her to become a target".
It got me thinking....
What does everyone else do?

valiumredhead Thu 23-May-13 10:48:13

We tell ds that if he is hit to go and tell, if the person who hit him follows him or hits him again then he can defend himself and we will back him up if the school ring us.

After months of bullying, ds finally snapped and lamped the little sod and that was the end of that.

Chubfuddler Thu 23-May-13 10:51:54

No. Particularly as there has been DV I do not want them to think violence is ever justified. Not at 2 and 6 anyway. When they are older we can go into the grey areas, but for now "it is wrong to hit, it is always wrong" is simpler.

Chubfuddler Thu 23-May-13 10:53:31

DS is having martial arts training but it is more for confidence, calm/stress management benefits.

valiumredhead Thu 23-May-13 10:55:48

Just to clarify, ds is 12 not a little one anymore.

cory Thu 23-May-13 13:58:58

Seeing that ds was the smallest and frailest child in his year, this would have been a seriously bad idea. grin

I am very grateful to the school for teaching all the children that you had to tell an adult if somebody was being hurt and frightened. So when somebody did try to hurt him, there would always be somebody else running off to get help.

IrnBruTheNoo Thu 23-May-13 14:14:27

DH wants our DC to hit back, but I personally do not feel this is appropriate. I think the child should report it to the teacher/playground monitor, etc.

Beatrixpotty Thu 23-May-13 16:31:02

I hate fighting & I don't tell them to hit back.I've really tried to teach them not to hit at all,but I've got 3 boys and it gets a bit rough sometimes at home..Fighting in this house is always one-sided,3yr old DS1 starts on 2 yr old DS2,who retaliates if I don't intervene in time.DS1 always gets told off & time out for starting the fight but I don't discipline DS2 for retaliating so maybe I am giving him the message that it is ok?He never instigates though.Once at a soft play DS1 hit someone & they hit back harder & made him cry.The mum said"Sorry,she's been brought up to hit back" and I thought ,fair enough,DS1 started it and was embarrassed that he had.

Yes. Ive told him never start a fight. But to hit back if hit first

EarlGreyTeabag Thu 23-May-13 16:46:35

I have three teenage sons. They have always been quite physical with each other and I don't have a problem with that as that's how boys play, but I have never allowed them to hurt each other in temper.

However, outside the home me & DH take the line that they must never start a fight, they should walk away if they can, but they should defend themselves if necessary.

When DS1 was about 9 another boy at school kept picking on him & hitting him. My son, who is normally very easy going, eventually had enough of the abuse & hit the other boy back, hard. My son didn't get into trouble - the school was well aware that the other child was a bully. The boy never went near my son again.

This had the added advantage that no-one ever bulled DS2 or DS3 either, because they'd heard that DS1 had a fine punch on him.

AdmiralData Tue 28-May-13 18:56:55

I was bullied horrendously in school (would love to meet the fuckers again) and will be damned if I watch my DS go through the same bollocks. I think violence isn't the answer and honestly abhor it but if telling a teacher/responsible adult doesn't resolve an issue in the future I will be telling my DS to thump the fuckers back. It worked for me, in the end. I do however agree with the more sensible suggestions on this thread but they may not always work smile

matana Tue 28-May-13 21:03:35

When he's older and understands provocation and self defence, damn right I'll teach him to hit back, harder if necessary. I too was bullied. It stopped when I hit back.

PipPipPip Fri 07-Jun-13 23:08:38

Whoa, totally surprised that anyone would advise their kid to hurt another person!!

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