Normal to feel exhausted/stressed with newborn and toddler?

(37 Posts)
Winetime1981 Mon 20-May-13 19:35:55

My DS is 25 months and my DD is six weeks tomorrow. I'm just getting into the swing of looking after them both after DH going back to work.

I don't stop. All day. And then when DH gets home it's running around doing things I've not been able to do in the day. I feel like every day is a marathon.

I went to a toddler group today and I found it really quite stressful. My friend was there with her six week old and totally unflapped and calm while I was being leaked on by an overflowing nappy of poo, leaking breast milk everywhere after lopping a boob out and trying to stop my son hitting other children repeatedly. When I was a new mum I was even more of a mess, I keep thinking; I've done this before! It should be easier.

Please tell me I'm not abnormal and this level of stress and exhaustion is common!

RubyrooUK Wed 22-May-13 16:51:37

Hahaha. I am not a hero. I am an extremely tired woman whose baby has extracted 20 breastfeeds so far today in revenge for not being able to non-stop cluster feed last night. (The poor child only had 10 feeds between 6pm and 6am, poor deprived baby.)

The toddler is at nursery but I am already dreading his lovely but rampant return shortly, when he will demand orange processed food and command all the remote controls, my phone and my iPad.

He will ask to watch the first five minutes of Toy Story on a loop. But ONLY the first five minutes. He will tell me off for eating chocolate like a junior body fascist - "no mummy, just one choc for you". I will weakly allow all these things to occur. And go to bed as soon as humanly possible.

grin

winetime1981 Wed 22-May-13 14:21:28

Rubyroo you're my hero

winetime1981 Wed 22-May-13 14:20:39

grin at 'limpet baby'

winetime1981 Wed 22-May-13 14:20:10

When baby is on your lap and toddler snuggled up beside you grin

Or when DH comes home and you have a family hug smile

AlfieBear87 Wed 22-May-13 14:10:57

I have an 18mo and an 8 week old. I am tired.

My 18mo is currently trying to cut all his teeth in one go and is tired and in pain. It's horrible seeing him suffering but not being able to give him all my attention due to ds2 being a limpet baby.

Similarly it's horrible listening to ds2 crying whilst I'm trying to get lunch/tea/medicine for ds1.

But when they're both happy and smiley it's an amazing feeling and I wouldn't change it for the world smile

winetime1981 Wed 22-May-13 12:02:59

Cbeebies makes me feel less shit than random cartoons as I feel it's at least marginally educational. Although Justin Fletcher does creep me out...

moremintsliceplease Wed 22-May-13 11:52:45

So nice to find this thread - I have DS 2.10 and DD 3 weeks. She feeds constantly and only naps on me so feel v guilty as used to do so much with my PFB all my jeans were worn out on the knees from playing so much and now it is tv while I feed and saying no or later constantly to my DS. Was wondering howothers were coping!

jollyhappy Wed 22-May-13 00:52:40

RubyrooUK Thank you for your lovely posts!

As someone with a new born and a toddler I find myself going bonkers.

My toddler has the free childcare and it is just not worth it by the time I get him out the door it is time to collect him. Today it took so long to get anywhere I missed every appointment and then thought stuff it I'm going to stay out all day with the toddler and baby to minimise house mess.

RubyrooUK Wed 22-May-13 00:40:34

I actually had to work tonight. Big event, important for job/career that I was there.

Externally, there I was. Posh dress, styled hair, make up....smiling, chatting, performing....accepting congratulations on my lovely nine week old DS2.

In reality, it took military precision: a list on my phone of how all relevant timings and when I could escape to breastfeed; importing my mum from another country to look after DS1 at home; my DH juggling DS2 in another room at the venue; three bottles of expressed milk (two immediately vomited back up); one breast pump in a steriliser bag; curling hair with a baby on the boob; control tights to hold in post-baby belly; concealer hiding dark shadows revealing that DS2 woke up three times last night and got up at 5am while DS1 woke up twice and got up at 6:30am......

God I am so tired.

CassieTheCockatoo Tue 21-May-13 23:51:34

Good tip for white buttons recall -thanks!

In the first few weeks with DC2, we used to put DC1 to bed at night and whenever DC2 finished a feed we would put him down and go and have an evening nap! It kept us sane! This meant we could all be found asleep at 8pm and then back up when the baby woke for a feed again. We would sometimes have dinner at 10pm when we were up again to maximize our evening nap time!

It gets better and quite quickly too.

Slw8000 Tue 21-May-13 19:06:21

I too am expecting number 2 in August, ds will be 20 months. When I think about it I am terrified of 2 under 2 so I am mainly burying my head in the sand! I don't think standards can get any lower in our house, can't remember the last time I used the Hoover and its fish and chips for dinner tonight. Dh is away 2 nights a week and those nights I quite like as I can stare aimlessly at the tv and go to bed at 9.
Thank you ladies me laugh and I feel better about the arrival of number 2, I look forward to the new levels of mess in our house!

Littlemissmagnet Tue 21-May-13 18:54:47

Yes I am same DD 3 months and DS 3 years.Ruby you described me to a tee. DD fed all day until recently in the last week or two I notice I have breaks where I can give my three yr old some well needed attention.

Currently pretending I am really interested in mouk throwing a few relevant comments in DS,s direction aware feeding time is now impacting on bath time! Which will make for a great bedtime!
Last week made it to a 9am group for first time in a month and it was cancelled due to staff illness!!!

I bribe him to get him out to pre school and thank god for pre school at the same time. I have no family nearby so is my only break.

The only downside I have no baby group I can to go to during pre school so I know no baby's the same age as DD. Has anyone else had this problem with no 2?
On the other hand it seems to be getting easier more normal for us and DD is sleeping better now than my DS ever did. Only up 2 times a night compare to every 2.5 hours!

Sorry its a long one yes I hope too it is normal to be this tired.

recall Tue 21-May-13 11:41:10

A tip for the chocolate buttons…buy white ones - less mess, and also, just open one tiny corner, keeps them quiet for ages while they fish them out.

Winetime1981 Tue 21-May-13 10:04:23

I absolutely agree. Sleep is the key I reckon.

Maryz Tue 21-May-13 09:43:56

Oh, excellent.

The difference for me between enjoying my third and having a horrible time with my second is that when ds2 (my third) came along I made a concious effort to go to bed when he did. So as soon as he went to sleep in the evening, I went to bed, usually at about 9 (the other two were in bed). I then got some decent sleep, so even though he was awake to feed during the night, and dd was up at 5.30 every morning hmm, I still got to sleep.

When I had dd first, I used to try to get my evenings to catch up on everything, but it just didn't work.

If you aren't coping, go to bed really early. Abandon the mess, just get some sleep.

hurricanewyn Tue 21-May-13 08:54:31

There's 18 months between my two. I was convinced I was iron deficient when I had DD - there was no way it could simply be tiredness that I was feeling.

I even went to my GP for blood tests.

It does get easier. I still remember DS going to play school, DD falling asleep & me having a nap. Bliss grin

They're 9 & 10 now and I love the fact that they're so close in age.

Winetime1981 Tue 21-May-13 08:41:07

I have a sleeper this time Maryz! I am so relieved as couldn't have coped with another with DS's sleeping habits. He used to be up every 2/3 hours. DD went 7 hours last night. 7 hours! It really makes the difference.

Maryz Tue 21-May-13 08:37:43

For me, having a second was much harder than the first. Because I never got a break.

I thought I would know how to do it because I had done it before. In fact dd was completely different from ds1, in the way she slept (she didn't), ate and her behaviour. She flummoxed me.

And every time she did sleep, instead of being able to relax I had to deal with ds1. It was awful.

By the way, by the time ds2 came along and I had three under four I had sort of got used to the chaos and lack of sleep, and having him was a doddle grin

Winetime1981 Tue 21-May-13 08:28:58

Bird - well done you with a DH who works away. I just couldn't manage.

Winetime1981 Tue 21-May-13 08:27:55

So nice reading these replies! Rubyroo you really made me chuckle as have everyone else's.

I don't know if others feel this but I find with two it's less of a mental adjustment and more of a physical one. By that I mean I was really anxious with DS but now DD is here that severe anxiety had subsided and I just have to try and split myself in two! In that way I an enjoying it more so don't despair people who are pregnant/ttc with baby #2. It's mad but in a nice way.

And this morning toddler is playing on his OWN - yippee!!!

birdofthenorth Tue 21-May-13 08:11:48

Same here OP! DD is 2.9 & DS is 5 weeks. I am a walking, leaking, poo and sick covered shambles, and my house looks like it's been burgled smile

DH works away 3-4 nights a week and on those days I have reduced my ambitions to just getting through the day & making sure both DC are fed and safe!! Didn't even manage bath-time last night. It wasn't the end of the world, it turns out. I am hoping to shower myself today for the first time since DH left on Sunday!!

I am sure people are right that it gets better (& then worse again... and then better). My policy is just breathe deeply, ride our the storm, and be quick to apologise if ever you snap at them/ DP/ the meter reading man!

Tailtwister Tue 21-May-13 07:54:46

Absolutely normal OP! You may have had a newborn before, but not with a toddler at the same time. You're learning a whole new set of skills and there's very little down time.

I really like Rubyroo's post about the difference between perception and reality. People often used to say how easy I made it look, but they were only seeing a snapshot in time. If they had seen me minutes before they would have had an entirely different impression!

It does get better.

MortifiedAdams Tue 21-May-13 06:23:49

DD is 17mo.and we are ttc. I was so nervous.opening this thread but you have all made me chuckle so much grin

Im scared, but sure that while it will be a struggle it wilk be worth it.

PoppyAmex Tue 21-May-13 06:12:30

DD will be 20 months when DC2 is born and this thread is freaking me out!

I'm just blocking out everything and reading the parts that say "it will get easier" grin

Gemd81 Tue 21-May-13 05:51:51

Me too I have a 22 month and a 10 wk old I am struggling with tantrums and jealousy - I just wish dd of 22 months wouldn't cause mass scenes at toddler group and tantrum over toy someone picks up even though she wasn't playing with it she thinks everything belongs to her and I can feel everyone staring at us as I leave early again cos I have had two children with an 'insane' gap!blush

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