Please, please help me control my 2yo

[lollipoppi]

Hello
I really need some help on how to deal with my 2yo.

He is a handful, always has been, and I think always will be.
I have recently had a baby, she is 14wks old and I understand this will have had an impact on his behaviour but I need help on how to deal with it.

His temper tantrums have become very aggressive, for example, yesterday he was charging around the house, i stopped him, came down to his level and asked him to stop running round, he smacked me full in in the face!
I marched him upstairs and told him it was very naughty and not to do that, he just went mental, hitting me, hitting himself, trying to head-but me!!
I walked away from the situation (for both our sakes) and made him stay in his room. After he (and me) had calmed down I brought him downstairs and spoke to him about it, he had tea, bath and bed with no books

Today I took DS and DD to a lovely park, he loved it, but then started throwing bark at a little boy, i asked him to stop and I got another wollop in the face follows by attempted head butting ect, I marched him straight home and he is in his room again.

This is not an isolated incident, he has always hit, but it seemed to be getting better, he doesn't listen to a word I say, he runs off from me in public places, apart from being naughty it's very dangerous. I've stopped going to play groups, play centres, play dates as I just live in fear of his naughty behaviour!

Sorry this is long an garbled I'm just so upset that my lovely little boy seems to be turning into a bit of a monster!
I love him so much and it breaks my heart to think he feels pushed out due to dds arrival, but if anything I've made more of a conscious effort to spend every spare minute with him playing with him, including him with nappy changes, feeding ect

Please tell me how to deal with this and make things better

I've done naughty step, reward charts ect ect ect

[BoulevardOfBrokenSleep]

I am the last person who ought to be offering advice on how to control a 2yo, but didn't want to read and run!

How old is he exactly? Because just-turned-2 is going to be different from nearly-3 in terms of his understanding.

I have just started using the step for DS (2.5) and TBH I think he is still a bit young for any real understanding, but it is a way of splitting him and his sister up (usually his 'crime' is biting her)

I don't think at this age they have the mental equipment to understand that smacking you in the face hurts you, he's just annoyed at lashing out.

My only useful piece of advice I'd offer, is be ready for him lashing out so you catch his hand and he doesn't actually hit you! I find it a lot easier to deal with a situation calmly and patiently if I haven't just been whacked in the teeth...

Hopefully someone more helpful will be along soon.

[lollipoppi]

He is 2.6
He has a good vocabulary, I don't think it's frustration with his speech or anything, he just lashes out

He is sooooo hyperactive, and has quite a short attention span (unless its numbers, letters, shapes ect which he loves)

He just won't listen to me at all, the running off in parks / streets ect is so dangerous

We get out the house at least once a day for a walk or park ect

I just don't know what else I can do anymore, it's breaking my heart.

[50shadesofvomit]

Many children regress when a sibling comes along. I've heard it can be as much as half their age. So for a 2 year old that can mean acting like they are 1-1.5 years old depending if they are just 2 or nearly 3. The "adult" equivalent of gaining a sibling is an oh bringing home a second wife/husband home one day which means insecurity and jealousy and a 2 year old can't really express that in words/ especially if they've regressed to the equivalent of a 1 year old.

This phase will pass as you sound like a caring parent who is enforcing reasonable boundaries. Try to ignore the little stuff. If he starts throwing bark at the park then it's time to go home, have a drink/snack or see if he wants to play with the boy and teach him the right way to approach someone. If he has a tantrum let him scream it out then talk when he's calmed down.
Children can't really be controlled. Some are just more mellow than others. Some just need to learn how to deal with emotions like anger and not resort to hitting etc.
Do you see warning signs before he explodes? I found that a drink/snack/change in activity/rest helped sometimes.

[lollipoppi]

That makes a lot of sense thank you, it's worth bearing in mind when I'm trying to deal with the situation.
Sometimes I think I expect too much from him, but he has got to learn some boundaries.

So DD is fast asleep and he was running round the house, I asked 5 times for him to come and get in the bath, he ignored me, so when he ran in the bathroom I started to get him undressed and asked him to listen when mummy asks him to do something .......... He wolloped me in the face again I asked why he did that and he cried. He knows he is doing wrong I'm just not sure how to handle the situation.
I'm holding it together for now but it's sooooo hard not to flip out when you have just been smacked in the chops!!

[acrabadabra]

Again, I feel a bit of a fraud for offering advice but I always found that tiredness and/or hunger were big triggers for tantrums so always used a snack as a distraction if all else failed. If that fails - ignore, ignore, ignore. They get bored eventually if you act like they're not there. I often found myself stepping over a screaming ds while trying to cook dinner.

You say he likes numbers. Can you distract him by asking him to count something like how many trees/dogs/people he can see?

Also, if you have had any success with rewards, keep a few stickers on you for instant gratification rather than waiting til you get home.

Lastly, make sure you also praise and reprimand the baby while he's around. It will help him relate to her if she's not always the 'good one'.

It will pass Mine are 3.5 & 1.10 and it's not as bad with the wee one (yet).

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

Also feel a bit of a fraud giving advice as I am not dealing with DS's tantrums very well but I always think it helps to know you're not the only one struggling.

I have found www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Child-Hits-parent this article (and in fact many things on that site) very helpful. I'm also reading 'Calmer, Happier, Easier Parenting' which gives some good practical suggestions of how to manage behaviour by praising the positive, giving choices etc. I think it's worth a read. I hope things start looking up soon

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

That link again, sorry

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

That link was on the same sort of thing but this was the one I meant to post

[BoulevardOfBrokenSleep]

DD (now 5) has always been, er, spirited. Been having a think about what worked for her.

OK, remembering what would've happened in various scenarios:

1. 'Stop throwing bark, DD!' - I get completely ignored
   
2. 'Stop throwing bark, DD!' plus I grab her throwing hand - she wriggles free, hits me, starts throwing bark with other hand
   
3. 'It's not nice to throw bark, DD, shall we go to the slide now?' plus I lead her away by the hand - about 50:50 chance of success.
   
   Something that has been useful is 123 magic; again, I think your DS is a wee bit young for it but you could certainly read it now and start to use it when you think he'll understand.
   
   For example, if we went to the playground tomorrow and DD started throwing stuff (yup, three years older, still a demon!) I'd give her a steely gaze and go, 'That's one.' And odd as it might seem to an observer, that is fairly likely to work. But it took a lot of training to get to that stage.

[BoulevardOfBrokenSleep]

Amazon link for 123 magic