Just Came Back from a Playdate and Now I'm Curious.....

(72 Posts)
MyShoofly Tue 23-Apr-13 21:48:48

Just returned from a good playdate with my 2.5 year old. I was pushed out of some of my parenting comfort zone though and am curious what is typical.

My friends nearly 3 year old DD and my 2.5 year old son were playing in her room. He almost never plays out of my eye-sight TBH so I felt compelled to occasionally check on them. My friend seemed to think this was bizarre and kept saying "they are fine, leave them". When checking on them I noticed my son was not sharing well - at one point he had grabbed a book off the other child and wouldn't let her look at it. I supposed I wouldn't have known if I hadn't been looking in on them but having seen it felt I had to try to address the behaviour IYKWIM? My friend seemed to think they should work it out on their own and wanted to leave them to it.

Then he wasn't sharing the snack plate, refusing to let the other child have any crackers off it. Again, I felt the need to correct his behaviour while my friend seemed off put by this and kept repeating "they are fine, they will sort it out" etc.

Playdough was left out for free play where as we store it away as our son tends to eat it. The kids were playing with it in a separate room and I felt like I should check in on them etc....but my friend seemed to think I was helicoptering so I tried to step back.

I noticed their house was not babyproofed - no socket covers, no stair gate. Lots of small bits and bobs left about. I never let my son go downstairs without supervision and still make him go down on his bum.

When my friend put out a bowl of uncut grapes I apologized for being precious but asked that they be cut lengthwise blush.

This isn't a commentary on my friends parenting - her kids are fabulous and obviously are used to more freedom. I think the playdate was very good for my son - the kids played independantly relatively well. I just felt like wow - perhaps we hold the reins a bit tight?

How much do you supervise your 2 year old at home and at other people's houses?

LegoAcupuncture Tue 23-Apr-13 21:53:01

Your parenting is totally different to hers, it happens, you should try get used to that if you're going to have more play dates with other friends.

I wouldn't allow a 2 year old to play upstairs unsupervised, checking on them is fine but apart from that everything else seems the norm.

Btw, socket covers are more risky than no socket covers.

I would have been checking on them - definitely! Leaving your 3 year old alone to potter is one thing, but two of them - mischief multiplies!

Bessie123 Tue 23-Apr-13 22:09:23

I wouldn't be checking on my 2.5 yr old more than about every 20 mins

Sirzy Tue 23-Apr-13 22:09:52

DS is 3.5 and has been playing upstairs alone for about 6 months I tend to just check on him when he is too quiet every 20 minutes or so, or when I need to nip up for something else. I think I fall somehwere inbetween you and your friend.

Why do you make your son come down on his bum though? surely its best to learn how to come down properly

MyShoofly Tue 23-Apr-13 22:12:54

Yes, and I stress that I am not complaining about my friends parenting she is clearly a great parent.

Im just curious as we dont have many friends with kids the same age as ours. Its good to see what others do too. For example this little one was able to play nicely with paper books and it was good to see that apparently mine can too....I just hadnt given him the opportunity before IYKWIM?

EverybodysSootyEyed Tue 23-Apr-13 22:13:11

i left my 2.5yo in the garden for 2 minutes and came back to find her on the wendy house roof! no way would i let her out of my sight unless she is with her brother in our house so i know there is no mischief she can get up to!

as for the grapes - i'm with you - i would have explained to her why i still cut them as i can't bear seeing other little ones eating them whole!!

EverybodysSootyEyed Tue 23-Apr-13 22:14:50

re the stairs - my dd comes down on her own - we have a stair gate but it is left unlocked as more of a 'have a think before you take the next step'

intheshed Tue 23-Apr-13 22:15:49

Just guessing, but is hers a 2nd child and yours a PFB?

When DD1 was small, playdates usually involved all parents and chikdren in onr room, and following/hovering near tje kids.

Now I have DD1 age 5 and DD2 who is nearly 3. They often play alone upstairs (in their own bedroom NOT mine!) and when we have kids to play they often all disappear upstairs to play.

Rarely have playdates for DD2 alone, but if she did have a similar aged friend to play I wouldn't have a problem with them playing alone upstairs in DD's bedroom.

We also haven't had stair gates since DD2 was 18mo... unless you have particularly steep stairs I would say 2.5 is fine to go up/down stairs alone.

PoppyWearer Tue 23-Apr-13 22:21:07

Assuming you are in the UK, socket covers are not needed if you keep appliances such as irons out of the way.

I had read this on here before and checked with my electrician who told me to remove all socket covers immediately.

I would also guess it wasn't her first child. I am much more relaxed with my DC2 than I was with DC1.

Wossname Tue 23-Apr-13 22:21:22

I have a 2.5 year old- I agree with you on the grapes thing, and although my daughter can walk up and down stairs fine I am always with her.

There is no way I would leave her unsupervised for 20 minutes though. My house is safe and I am careful about what's lying around as also have a 1 year old, but I at 2.5 they have no sense of risk or danger or anything.

ItsAllTLAsToMe Tue 23-Apr-13 22:22:52

This is interesting, DS is 2.5 - he wouldn't generally be happy to play away from us for an extended length of time, I wouldn't trust him to grin, and he's pretty unreliable at going up and down stairs safely. Hmm.

I have two dc and wouldn't leave them alone for more than a couple of minutes. So not a PFB issue. I think it depends on the child and parenting style. I've seen three year olds thwack younger ones over the head, crushed fingers in doors, falling over and hitting heads etc etc. so I would keep an eye and do keep an eye on them.

Sounds like you have one child she has more. I have heard socket covers are dangerous as it make the plugs live.

I agree with you about grapes though (& have 3 kids)

katykuns Tue 23-Apr-13 22:24:07

Lego, why are socket covers more dangerous? I feel stupid for asking, but I have genuinely never heard anyone say they were before

But grapes are my 'thing'.

notcitrus Tue 23-Apr-13 22:24:36

So much depends on the character of the child - I could leave ds unattended a lot at that age and he is remarkably sensible. Dn is a few months older and a lot more prone to mischief.
Put the two of them together and it's only recently I can leave them in a different room at all! Neither of them ever ate playdoh though.

If they were in a bedroom I'd assume they were safe and we'd hear if there was a problem, so I'd probably only check if there was ominous silence or too much giggling. I still cut grapes until ds was 4 though!
Never had a stairgate at the bottom of the stairs, removed top one when ds was 2.5 as didn't want them to try to climb over it! Kept one on the kitchen door until they managed to pull it off... dd has just managed to climb up 10 stairs despite not learning to walk yet, so will be buying new stairgates!

If I'm at someone else's house and they are relaxed I try to be too, at least in between children wailing.

Katy in the uk to have a live socket all 3 pins need something stuck in them at once - do if you have a socket cover and half pull it off and stick something in one hole you get fried. With no socket cover something stuck in one hole would do nothing iyswim

TheChaoGoesMu Tue 23-Apr-13 22:25:49

God no. I let my three yr old play upstairs by himself, but it would be a long time before I let him play up there alone with one of his friends. He goes up when 5 yr old dd has her friends over and plays with them. However as they always tell on him if he does anything wrong I'm not so worried about that.

MyShoofly Tue 23-Apr-13 22:26:12

her DD and my DS1 are both precious first borns. We each now have infants under 6 months old as well. I don't know if she has more experience with other people's children though. I am on maternity leave so have the opportunity to arrange some "playdates" where we haven't really don't that since I returned to work - so yes, previous playdates when my son were ones that involved everyone sitting in the same room with their babies.

See the stair thing is a good example - I just assumed he was too young to go down stairs by himsel not having other 2 year olds around to go off of. So we hold his hand going down our front steps and have taught him to bum shuffle down to the basement when we go play down there while we supervise (his bedroom is on the main floor - bungalow).

FunnysInLaJardin Tue 23-Apr-13 22:26:21

I think the issue is the 6 month difference in their age. I would leave DS2 now at 3.2 for as long as he wanted, but at 2.5 I would have been checking more often. 6 months make a big difference at this age

EverybodysSootyEyed Tue 23-Apr-13 22:26:50

katy - uk plugs are only 'live' when the top pin is in - so if that is not in you can't get the appliance to work/sticking a finger in won't cause a shock

the socket cover activates the socket because the top pin is in

re grapes - my paediatrician friend is incredibly laid back - but she is very strict on cutting grapes because she has seen too many accidents

Wossname Tue 23-Apr-13 22:27:02

Socket covers are one of those things I keep meaning to read about. We have them everywhere, as thought that was what we were supposed to do. Plus my 2.5 year old and 1 year old are seemingly obsessed with plugs so I assumed it was safer.

pictish Tue 23-Apr-13 22:27:41

I'm definitely more like your friend I think.

katykuns Tue 23-Apr-13 22:28:02

Saintly... thanks. I had no idea.

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