being a parent is so glam!

(48 Posts)
BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Tue 16-Apr-13 14:49:08

Nursing 19 day old Ds.

He's like a hungry baby boob-zombie, drinks way too much in one go, choked, scared me witless, as I wind him he spews the excess milk right down my cleavage shock

I had a c-section, wound is infected sad I don't have a shower and can't have a bath, so strip washes but no hair washing. am going to parent's as often as possible for a shower. I know I'm not dirty but I feel unclean.

I have visitors coming this afternoon...I hope they don't want to hug me sad grin

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Fri 26-Apr-13 22:27:07

shock what now? just shock. and bleurgh!

we are the snot family at the min. DD has shared her germs, Ive got them and DS is bound to be next!

oh and he's had me up since 430 am, he's slept abd for various reasons I haven't. he is now wide awake.

I'm never going to sleep again an I!? sad sad

Ohhelpohnoitsa Fri 26-Apr-13 21:42:08

Mmmm, I can top trump your poo and vomit stories. I have had ao
selection of tonsil stones coughed up on me today. If you have never heard of these, like me, they are deposits that have basically been caught in cavities in the throat and get digested and calcified by bacteria. They smell like a garlic clove has got diarrhoea inside a dead persons rotten corpse. I kid you not. That was ds2s contribution. Ds3 kindly keeps wiping his ear infection discharge on to me. Just delightful.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 24-Apr-13 10:53:28

Pie - I think I will be taking your mum's advice!

Cat - bleurrghhhhh!!! grin

CatWithKittens Wed 24-Apr-13 10:42:46

DD1, when aged 27 months, woke from her nap, discarded a dirty nappy in her cot and then painted cot and walls with its contents. As my mother and I walked in she pointed at a leaf on the floor and said "Err - dirty!". At least her sense of priorities lightened the cleaning process.

Piemother Wed 24-Apr-13 10:31:14

When dd2 was little my mum gently suggested I needed spare clothes for me when I went out. After a few days on the trot of dd2 drowning me in sick in public.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 24-Apr-13 09:46:10

am still feeling an immense sense of "ha ha" after yesterday grin Poor ex not really wink

awwwwmannnn Wed 24-Apr-13 08:30:56

Well done DS, nothing worse than telling someone how terrible they've been and how bad your day was, only to have your little darling act like a little angel and you get the "what you talking about woman" look lol

so nice when they behave and help you prove a very valid point grin x

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 24-Apr-13 04:11:30

oh the joys of the tummy bug! you poor sod!

Ds's dad and I split before he was born but remain on good terms.

ex only sees him a few times a week. I don't think he believed me when I was telling him I was struggling with DS's crying/tetchy time coinciding with tea-time and DD needing me.

He came this eve, I haven't washed my hair for days and had changed my top twice already due to spew, earlier in the day, only to be spewed on several times again - so I just kept the same top on in the end.

handed DS over, went for a wash/wash hair/clean pjs.

DS kicked off, as he does, I came downstairs after half an hour to find ex plastered in spew and looking a bit frazzled to say the least grin

I pointed out that half an hour out of my 24 hour day had him ready to run for the hills.

I think he "gets" it now grin

awwwwmannnn Tue 23-Apr-13 21:29:52

DD 2.4 has got me many a time...first time, 4 weeks old, projectile vomiting and sonic poop all over her, me, the changing mat, the sofa and the floor....
fast forward to last weekend, tummy bug hit along with a cold and i had snot, snick and even poop on my face/hair/chest...hell just about everywhere, my lil girl nicely cleaned and sleeping soundly after her evacuation and i'm throwing up in the bathroom coz of the smell and general yuck-i-ness over me....Hour later i'm clean and the bathroom is clean, bedding in washing machine and i'm just about to jump into bed and the sonic poop hits again...oh the joys smile

big up to all us glamorous mummies (and daddies) who get puked, shit, snotted on and still look at our darling little ones like they are best thing since sliced bread....coz they are flowers xxx

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Sun 21-Apr-13 19:55:09

DD is distraught, he just vommed in her hair grin

Share the wealth boy!

Ohhelpohnoitsa Sun 21-Apr-13 19:40:50

I hey the fruity milk smell too. Glad I am not alone. It seems to yo be under my chin and around my neck but I do not know how!

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Sun 21-Apr-13 19:31:17

DS is the gift that keeps giving today.

my antibiotics are creating explosive nappies. nuff said!

Crocodilehunter Sun 21-Apr-13 12:36:07

Ooh I like this thread, my DS is often sick in my cleavage and everywhere else for that matter I fabreze down my top whack the hair dryer on it and off I go!
Same with breast leakage in the middle of the night too grin
Best though is washing and brushing my hair and massive clumps coming out every time sad my lovely pregnancy hair.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Sun 21-Apr-13 02:18:12

ah these stories are brilliant! Yy to the contraception powers.of the thread - teen pregnancy wiped out overnight grin. wink.

Sparklyboots Sat 20-Apr-13 23:35:43

Yeah, for me it started with a midwife scooping poos out of a giant bath with a fishing net and went downhill from there. Me and DS caught norovirus in November; he woke me by puking on my head. He was very upset so I hugged him, which had the unfortunate side-effect of massaging vomit into my belly button, and his very full of liquid poo nappy leaked down my legs as I took him to the bathroom. I cleaned him up, changed the clothes and returned him, now sleeping, to a lovely, cool bed before starting to sort the disgusting bedding/ carnage in the bathroom, sick etc. off me and out of my hair and ear, interrupted by having to puke myself... it was just glam central round my way. Irritatingly, when reporting this to friends and family, without exception, they'd ask if DS was okay. That is, if the person sleeping it off in a freshly made bed with clean sheets while I picked sick out of my hair, was okay. Parenthood - it's like your very own Invisibility Cloak.

MrsPennyapple Sat 20-Apr-13 23:31:27

DD (21mo) has a dodgy tummy at the moment. Yesterday I caught puke in my hands for the first time. I feel like a real MN-er now! And today she filled her nappy, her trousers and her socks with the most horrifically stinking poo. I managed to get her upstairs into the shower without getting any on me, thought I'd done quite well until I remembered she also has a cold, and I was covered in snot anyway.

LauraPashley Sat 20-Apr-13 23:29:07

Any secondary guidance teachers reading? This would surely be THE most effective contraception device around. Copy and paste this thread to all 15yr olds in the country I say!

Signet2012 Sat 20-Apr-13 23:24:16

Surveying the damage of today:

I smell a bit like fruity milk, I think that's either in my hair, or around my neck.
I have dried crusty snot on my cheek (not mine) Just found that a minute a go. haven't been sat here all night knowing I have snot on my face
I have various stains on my top some from lunch, some from dinner and some unknown.
I have a small damp patch on my buttock from DD doing a huge poo as I changed her on the sofa and had to wash it.
AND I have white crusty marks on my jeans around my lower legs. That may be dried on rusk.

Im not even talking about the lack of showering and shaving!

SummersComing1111 Sat 20-Apr-13 23:17:34

When DS was 6 mo just had all new carpets fitted he caught a tummy bug and decided he didnt like the brown carpets so projectile vomited them white they were less than a day old.

Just got my hair all pretty for wedding ... Pretty hair is very rare these days picked above son up and he threw up all over it ended up going with it in a wet bun.

Bath share with again above son as he hates a bath on his own hes 16mo he poops aprox 1/3 times

Dammmm we sexy

funchum8am Sat 20-Apr-13 23:09:27

When dd (now 6mo) was about 10 weeks she vommed over me and my nightie so spectacularly and extensively that I had to get DH out of the shower just to show him...the wonders that parenthood brings grin

Cuddlydragon Sat 20-Apr-13 23:00:17

Max 2 hours wink

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Sat 20-Apr-13 13:36:10

ninja sneezer grin

I've risked make-up, hair and nice outfit today. due to leave house shortly.....how long do you give me before I have baby vom, snot, poo, dribble, leaky nipple? (hopefully not all at once!) wink

Cuddlydragon Fri 19-Apr-13 22:08:07

My 8 month DS is a ninja sneezer, usually with a mouth full of porridge/yoghurt/cheese sauce. I never thought I'd count myself lucky if I could catch handfuls of baby sneeze, but my walls, floors and clothes just can't take much more washing hmm

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Fri 19-Apr-13 21:47:07

shock eeewwww Viking

hahaha Stormy brilliant. I was cold the other night, he sicked up on my dressing gown, I forgot to throw it in the wash yesterday so last night - bit cold again, throw dressing gown on and get that lovely day old aroma of baby spew [bleurgh] ..... I just put the thing on and ignored the smell, it was 3am and I was cold!

(I have washed it today, it awaits more baby spew this eve!!)

StormyBrid Fri 19-Apr-13 21:40:36

While putting six week old DD to bed tonight, we discovered my cleavage has quite an impressive milky-sick capacity. Not quite impressive enough though; there was overspill onto my jeans. Now sitting here listening to the washing machine in nothing but knickers and socks. It had not occurred to me until reading this thread that I should possibly put more clothes on.

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