Unhappy baby(41 Posts)
Reaching the end of my tether, hoping somebody can reassure me.
DS is 5 weeks old. He just never seems happy. Well, there's maybe the odd 10 minutes, but all he seems to do is scream. He's breastfed pretty much on demand, and he demands it every hour during the day. He feeds well. In between feeds, he screams. He naps for maybe two hours the whole day, so he's clearly overtired, but won't settle anywhere. I've tried making a calm sleep environment, walking with him, but nothing works. He hates nappy changes and baths and screams thriugh them. H is out all day, and his solution to everything is to tell me to take him out in the sling. But he hates the sling!
He just generally seems to find no pleasure in life. He's fed, changed, warm enough, taken out. I spend my whole day on tiptoes trying desperately to not overstimulate him. And I hate to admit it, but I'm scared of my own baby.
Am I a really awful mother? I adore him, but he seems to hate me.
Just seen this post and it does sound familiar to me ! My little one is 6 wk tomorrow and we've had difficulty settling her the only thing that seems to work (in the day as not practical for us at night ) is putting some music on loud anything really but more beats the better it seems then dancing round the room with her after a while she nods off .
But I def can understand as in the same boat , the responses you d had are useful ill be trying some myself !
Ds2 was just the same. His brother was completely different so it was a total shock to the system. He sounds very similar in that he was just never happy. At best he would be huffing and puffing an straining, trying to clear wind.
I took him to an osteopath at 8 weeks and I know this sounds a bit melodramatic but it changed my life. From the first session he was a changed baby. I could tell there was something not right about his digestion - the hv said I just needed to stop comparing him to ds1 as all babies are different and the gp said he was just windy.
I just could not believe that by the end of the first session he was laid cooing at us. We didn't even know what colour his eyes were because he'd been so scrunched up but these big blue eyes were wide open looking back at me. I was absolutely speechless.
The osteopath said that he'd had a problem with his diaphragm. As he too was a section baby it could have been from where he was pulled out or maybe how he was laid in the womb. He was very floppy from being born and I think she kind of 'unfurled' him.
Anyway, he is 15 weeks now and just super happy and content. I cannot recommend it enough.
Your DS sounds very similar to my DS3 who's now 10 weeks. He was sooooo grumpy in the early days and I was completely baffled - after all I'd already bf two babies and thought I pretty much had this new baby thing sorted. Not a chance! Now, I am not a bf expert or counsellor, this is just what worked for me and my baby and was at the suggestion of my fantastic midwife: she reckoned I was feeding DS3 too often and as a result he was only getting the fore milk and not the creamy, more satisfying hind milk. I too, was feeding on demand and he was demanding most of the time: I bit by bit, and it was hard work got him to feed every two hours, for as long as he wanted, he was then really well winded. If he cried, I was able to soothe him with a walk in the pram, a cuddle etc. It work brilliantly. He fed so much better and almost overnight transformed into a much more content baby. Like I said, I am not an expert, but this worked for us. There are some MNetters who really know their bf ing stuff so hopefully they'll be along in a bit!
We also found bouncing DS in the sling when we thought he might need a nap helped.
LLL do a good leaflet called the unhappy breastfed baby - you can buy it from the LLL online shop for around £1. There is also a book called the fussy baby book by William Sears which you can buy off amazon.
Definitely try out different slings. DS hated the first sling we had, but would sit in the second sling for hours and happily drift off to sleep in it.
You are not a failure and all we mothers of babies like yours salute you!! Keep up the good work
Google 'Colic Calm' which was my lifesaver with DD2 and her terrible trapped wind! It is an American herbal remedy using charcoal and was an instant and amazing success for us. We ordered online from a UK supplier and it came very quickly. It isn't cheap (about 20 quid) but for us it was totally worth it. Good luck.
I went through the same thing with DS and was at the end of my tether. I can't be sure exactly what helped but I did really reduce dairy and also took him to cranial osteopath. I also had emcs. His head was fine but he had a pinched diagrapghm which was causing him discomfort. Apparently this is because of emcs, as a baby born vaginally is squeezed through birth canal it helps their diaphragm expand and get rid of mucus. He had about 3 sessions and I noticed a difference after the first. I also think he improved with age, his gut matured and he just got used to being in the world. Was a completely different baby after about 10 weeks. Happy smiley boy now.
Dd was terrible with wind, she's almost 1 now and still suffers. I swear by keeping them upright for 20-30 mins after a feed and we used a wedge pillow at night when she was little. A bit of tummy massage every nappy change doesn't do any harm either.
Not advice as such, but crying is supposed to peak at 6 weeks!
My DD was the same. It was silent reflux.
Yes -- are you burping thoroughly enough? Could be too much un-burped trapped wind.
But my friend's baby is like yours and had a serious dairy allergy.
Hope you get it sorted.
My dd was very colicky and giving up dairy really dramatically helped - waited will 6mths to wean and now she's fine with it.
But again, would just like to reassure you that it really is early days and it really will get easier. Hugs. X
Well, after a disturbed night and difficult few days, he's decided to be an absolute delight today! An hour's nap earlier this morning, and he's been asleep for about 30 minutes right now. In between he's fed well, been really alert and very cute. We had tummy time and a sit out in the garden (briefly, it's v cold!) and a look at the view. He's been the gurgly sweet baby everybody wants! Fingers crossed it lasts. Looks like decent sleep really does help him.
I still think he has some sort of wind/digestion problem, so I'll ask at the baby clinic next week for some advice. Thanksfor all your suggestions. I might look into osteopathy if he continues to be uncomfortable. We've tilted his cot, and hopefully the upcoming massage course will help.
I'd suspect reflux (but then, I usually do, because both of mine had it). Does he arch his back when he's crying? Does he hiccup a lot, or cough? Do his burps sound wet, as if there's a bit of milk coming up? Does his breath smell a bit pukey? Have you tried elevating one end of his crib?
Oh and I remember sobbing on my sister once saying that 'DS1 just seems to get no pleasure out of life, it's like he's angry to have been born.' It all felt so hopeless. It's horrible and I know what you mean about walking on tip toes trying not to over stimulate them. Arrrgh, it's such a hard thing to hear your baby cry endlessly. I promise you, from someone who has been here twice, it really does end. Just keep plodding on. One day things will change. Things change so gradually sometimes that you don't realise how much easier it is!
Oh I could have written this with both of my babies when they were younger! DS1 was terrible and never napped, just screamed and screamed, no matter how much I rocked, shusshed, walked, put him in the sling, sang to him, put him in a darkend room, fed him, took him out in the pram, bathed him, he just cried endlessly. I thought I was such a failure. We tried everything, reflux medication, feeding him less, feeding him more, swaddling him, dairy free, cranial osteopathy, nothing worked. He was just a terribly difficult baby. He hated bath time at first, hated his pram, hated the bouncer chair, carseat etc. As he grew he learned to engage in the world, he understood more, could play a bit he settled down but my goodness it was HARD going. He's 5 yrs old and amazingly lovely and just a really good kid.
DS2 was much the same. Still whingy and crabby now at 14 months but not screamy and the insessant crying will stop I promise. He sleeps well, eats well. Taken to paediatrician but there isn't anything wrong with him, he just needs a lot of input. Some babies are just hard work. they do settle eventually. Some sooner than others. Mine have both been so different to all the other happy gurgling babies I see out and about and it's so hard to see. Try not to compare. You are doing a wonderful job. Look into everything medical, take any help you can get, remember to wind him A LOT, the tiniest bit of gas and mine would scream. It will get better.
Two of the women from my NCT class took their babies born by c section for cranial osteopathy and said that it really helped, I know that certainly one of them was in a very funny position when he came out. Obviously I don't know the circumstances of your c section but I know that EMCS are often performed because the baby's in a funny position (that was part of the reason I had one) which can have an effect on the baby's comfort after birth as much as an uncomfortable vaginal birth can.
I feel for you! My DS is 12wo now and it has become a lot easier.
Mine absolutely hated nappy changes and baths, don't worry, yours will get used to it. In fact, mine much prefers being in the big bath with me! But we only do this when DH is at home to help though.
At 5wo, baby is so little and everything seems scary. Forget routines and what other people tell you, just do what feels right for you.
We found ocean sounds very effective!
I don't think it's been mentioned, but white noise can be really helpful in getting a screamy, over-tired baby to sleep. I have an app on my phone. It plays a variety of white noise sounds. Dd likes 'train 2'. Basically the sound you hear when on a train. Turn it up loud so they can hear it over their own screaming!
Mine was like this, and he's now a really happy smiley sociable 5 month old.
although he doesn't sleep at night anymore
I think a lot of time I assumed it was colic/wind, but it was partly overtiredness and over-stimulation. Is it worse at certain times? 5 to 9 pm was always the witching hour. If you struggle to get him to nap that might not help.
When he got old enough to interact and play a bit it got so much easier.
Trust us, it will pass, he won't always be grumpy. In a month or two you'll have a smiley cuddly little baby.
Thanks for all the further responses. I'll try and address some of the questions below.
The sling we have is a close caboo dx. If we put him in it when he's calm, he's ok, but there's no chance of getting him in it agitated.
I might try a day or two of no dairy and see what happens. I'm willing to give up cheese if that's what it takes!
I looked at cranial osteopathy, but was under the impression that it's only good for vaginal birth babies, whereas ds was emergency section. We are starting a massage class soon.
Following quite a disturbed night, I'm beginning to think that the biggest problem is trapped wind in his gut and an inability to fart. Any tips? Tried a bit of bicycling legs and tummy massage so I'll continue that today, but any other tips welcome!
Oh you poor thing. DS was very similar (there's probably a thread around here from 18 months ago ) so I sympathise hugely and can tell you this too will pass (that MN classic got me through the first six months I think!) DS is now a happy, laughing, loveable toddler. Your DS will be too.
Some things I tried (not sure which worked and which didn't)
- Getting outside. I was lucky; DS was a summer baby and walking in the garden usually calmed us down. I don't know if it calmed him down per se or if he just felt me relax, but as soon as we got to the garden her usually chilled out.
- tiger in the tree hold. This is the only way DS would be held and DH spent hours rocking him like this.
- Happiest baby on the block I'll buy this and read it from cover to cover BEFORE DC2 arrives
if I'm ever allowed DC2
- Cranial osteopathy
- Cuddles (for me!) from DH, DM, friends
Do you mind me asking what kind of sling you have? DS hated some but loved others. If there's a sling meet near you it might be worth a try.
Good luck. Keep posting.
Could try cranial osteopathy? My son is almost 7 weeks and has seemed better since one session last week. He too was screamy and unsettled most of the time and vv hungry. We have another session tomorrow. It could of course be complete coincidence and I'm not entirely convinced it does anything, but for £30 a session (midlands) it's worth a try to save your sanity? I don't expect to need more than 2 sessions.
Dairy sensitivity is the most common allergy amongst babies that are allergic but in general having an allergic reaction is not that common IYSWIM?
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