Tough day ahead (3yo and baby)

(30 Posts)
okthen Fri 01-Mar-13 07:50:54

Help! No idea how to get through today without losing my mind, my temper or both.

I had a bad night with the baby (17 weeks) and dd (3) has seriously got out of the wrong side of the bed. She has whined or kicked off about everything so far today- and when there's been nothing to kick off about, she's created something.

She almost certainly won't have a nap later and will probably refuse to go to the loo for hours on end too.

I hate to see her unhappy like this- and more immediately, don't know what to do with her/them all day.

Any ideas?

IWillOnlyEatBeans Sat 02-Mar-13 09:17:26

Glad you got through the day without tears okthen. I did too and am quite proud of myself!

In some ways I find having two easier than having one! It can be a logistical challenge sometimes (DS1 always needs a poo in the middle of DS2's feed time etc) but I find the days fly past now, whereas before (I am a SAHM) I'd find myself clock watching a bit.

DS1 is the world's clingiest child (hence me becoming a SAHM!), and I have been pleasantly surprised at how well he has adapted to sharing my time and attention. He genuinely loves DS2 and there does not seem to be any jealousy or resentment. His behaviour veers off course sometimes, but I am putting that down to his age rather than the arrival of DS2, as a lot of my friends' children are behaving in the same way.

I still have bad days when I struggle, but I had these when DS1 was an only child.

I am currently sitting having a cuppa while DH plays transformers with DS1 and DS2 is snoozing in his chair...happy days! smile

nilbyname Sat 02-Mar-13 07:41:04

bike ski run we are the same! My kids ages and gender are the same and I work 3 days. How are you doing anyway? I remember you from your sleep thread last week? (sorry for the highjack)

You are right mummy friends are hugely important and we all band together and tramp about a National Trust property. Good waterproofs and wellies have been key to not all going mad!

op It sounds like you did well.

Also fresh air makes all the difference to kids being happy and tired I think. We all get cabin fever otherwise!

BikeRunSki Sat 02-Mar-13 07:37:00

Meant to say though, that now they are beginning to play together, and DD (1) adores DS (4). It's hard work (especially once the younger one is mobile!) but there are little, brief moments of loveliness.

BikeRunSki Sat 02-Mar-13 07:35:15

I'm a year ahead of you OP! My DC are 4.5 and 16 months I went back to work (3 days) 2 months ago.

3 years is a tough age gap; now at 4/1 there is pretty much nothing apart from parks and swimming that they both want to do, and I can't take them both swimming at once. My few attempts at taking DD to Storytime or a music group and having DS playing games on his camera quietly in the corner havn't really worked. DD will get her quality time when DS goes to school in the autumn.

I find it much harder than child! From my 4 yo's point of view, he had 3 years of full on attention, and now he has to share me and wait for things. Once the novelty of his baby sister had worn off, he got very demanding and erm, experimental, with his behaviour, although I have to keep telling myself that he is only 3 / 4 whatever and it may be nothing to do with his sister. Poo witholding is a big issue for us at the moment, has been for over a year.

I found that actually really all my 4 yo wants is age-appropriate attention. When you're exhausted and the weather is horrible, then there is no shame in a day on the sofa sharing DVDs and eating toast. We've made a lot of gingerbread men this winter too. And been to just about every museum in S and W Yorkshire.

A good network of mummy friends is invaluable too, and the odd cheap curry night out on your baby is old enough to leave for a few hours.

As for our housework.... there is a basket of washing that should have been put away about 3 days ago and the kitchen floor could really do with a wash.

BrainDeadMama Sat 02-Mar-13 07:09:02

What a lovely post belinda smile

belindarose Fri 01-Mar-13 20:31:00

Yes, Countess, I agree. My goodness, it's hard. But probably no harder than one. And seeing the love mine share between them is the greatest pleasure I've ever known. I could never have predicted it. In fact, I had awful antenatal depression, mostly because I was terrified of how number 2 would affect number 1. He has enriched her life in a way I never expected. How wonderful it is for her to be unconditionally and utterly loved by another child.

TheCountessOlenska Fri 01-Mar-13 20:07:47

Thanks guys smile I am excited about it as well as scared!

Glad your day turned out ok okthen wine

BrainDeadMama Fri 01-Mar-13 19:52:47

Oh and countess- I second what the OP said- having two is hard work but genuinely worth it all! It is looovely having two, you'll see smile

BrainDeadMama Fri 01-Mar-13 19:50:35

Well done OP smile

That's good to know missmapp. Someone else with primary aged dc told me that toddler and baby is definitely the hardest bit and I find that really encouraging until we hit the teenage years

missmapp Fri 01-Mar-13 19:44:37

Well done! My two are now 5 and 7, they fight play together well and are much better at occupying themselves. I remember the days you describe only too well, but it does get easier!!

okthen Fri 01-Mar-13 19:08:14

Well, 3yo is tucked up and baby is having his bedtime feed. It was a pretty rough day but I didn't cry at any point, so it could have been worse.

We should have gone out as you all wisely advised, but didn't. However she did play in garden then we had a couple of kid/mum friends over which saved my sanity (well the mums did!).

Am so glad it is bedtime. Definitely going to have a glass of wine and relax in front of telly. Can hear dp washing up downstairs, bless him.

Thanks for the solidarity today ladies.

Countess, having two is truly heart-filling and amazing- just some days are shit, as some days are when you have one. You'll be fine!

TheCountessOlenska Fri 01-Mar-13 17:26:31

Oooh ladies I keep reading threads about having toddler plus newborn as this will be me in a couple of weeks. I am scared! I think it's hard work entertaining one all day and now I'm on mat leave I miss my part time job loads blush

issimma Fri 01-Mar-13 17:20:21

wine for all of us! Home alone with 2yo who seems to have discovered toddlerhood (biting, slapping, screaming, climbing inappropriate things) and world's clingiest 3mo who has hysterics if I'm not holding him!
We did park + lunch +nap (thank fuck) + cbeebies and skyping grandparents. Dh going out tonight... marvellous.

still, at least they're too young for transformers grin

belindarose Fri 01-Mar-13 17:11:31

Oh god, Transformers must be dull! I get SO bored playing 'you be the mummy and I'll be the baby'! At least I cn sometimes get things done while playing that.

We went to a good indoor play place, where DS slept on me and DD played house. Only an hour till first bedtime. Wine and bath for me tonight.

IWillOnlyEatBeans Fri 01-Mar-13 16:35:00

Oh - and I get the 3 yr old to do the housework! He loves nothing more than unloading the dishwasher, putting the wet washing into the tumble dryer etc. I'll get the feather duster out in a bit and let him faff on with that! smile

IWillOnlyEatBeans Fri 01-Mar-13 16:33:37

How are you getting on?

I have a 3 yr old and a 9 week old and have been car-less today as DH accidentally took the keys to work with him!

We have one small playground in walking distance so we did that this morning (until DS1 started crying as he was too cold!) nd I have been forced to play Transformers with DS1 all afternoon with DS2 asleep in the sling!

I am rewarding myself with a takeaway and glass of wine tonight!!

I AM Optimus Prime...

IrnBruTheNoo Fri 01-Mar-13 13:53:57

Agree with others, just get out there in the fresh air. Will do everyone the world of good. Even if it's only for 30 mins, you'll all feel better for it.

LadyWidmerpool Fri 01-Mar-13 08:50:53

Aw, your DP sounds like a good 'un. It won't do him any serious damage. I'm sure you aren't reclining on a chaise longue eating maltesers all day. You're a team and you're both slogging just now but it will ease off.

okthen Fri 01-Mar-13 08:44:35

Yes I think what's partly hard is feeling I should be achieving stuff- housework etc- as well as looking after them.

I am on mat leave, and at the moment dp seems to end up doing the vast majority of the housework on top of working full time. I know it is work to look after two small children... But I still feel bad that some days I fail to even put the laundry away or whatever, then he slogs all weekend to keep things ticking over hmm

fairylightsinthesnow Fri 01-Mar-13 08:38:44

sympathies - this is why I work 3 days a week so I only have to do it twice!! Just what everyone else has said really, plus ensure you have a good supply of biscuits! every now and again you have to surrender to the circumstances, not be supermum and just get through it, If DS (3) is in a bad way for some reason, he vegs in front of the TV and frankly, I let him. Most of the time he is in pre-school dashing about or out in the garden on the scooter so the odd day of this is fine if its what needed. Its pissing down here so I am going to sigh, fork over the £10 and take my two to soft play shortly.

belindarose Fri 01-Mar-13 08:11:16

Completely with you. I have a 3.6 year old in a foul mood (eczema making her worse), 7 month old with a cold (who doesn't sleep), and I've got the shivers and aches at the start of a cold.

We do have 3 hours of nursery this morning - although nowhere near ready to leave for that. I can't decide whether to keep out of the messy house all day so I don't have to look at it, or come back and hope baby naps.

Might do lunch out and play cafe place. It's a bit of a drive, but at least that keeps DD in one place for a bit!

okthen Fri 01-Mar-13 08:08:56

Some days are so wonderful and some are SO HARD.

She is off films at the moment (she worries they will be scary) but I think park, baking, cbeebies and stories are way forward. Friends coming to play later so that will distract.

Hopefully the baby will have a sleepy day.

Courage to all!

MrsWolowitzerables Fri 01-Mar-13 08:07:09

Park?
Feed the ducks?
Any playgroups on near you?

You're not alone. thanks

KatherineKrupnik Fri 01-Mar-13 08:06:04

Day out. Only way to survive.

gillian88 Fri 01-Mar-13 08:04:32

I know how you feel. I have a 2yo and a 6 month old who are both grumpy, loaded with the cold and have both vomited since getting up! Very little sleep last night as my 2yo was up crying cos he seen a monster.

Long day ahead confused

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