Terrified of going out

[CreepyCrawly]

I don't even know where to post this, so apologies if its in the wrong place.

But I'm sitting here in a right state just thinking about going out. I'm literally terrified. I had my daughter nearly 6 weeks ago via emcs so haven't really been able to go out. But I have my 6 week check tomorrow and I'm scared because a) l have to go to my doctors surgery and b) the doctor will say I can drive again and then I'll have no excuse.

I've been for walks around my village, but other than that I haven't left my house. My family live an hours drive away and work so I don't get to see them much, so I'm feeling very isolated right now.

I'm breastfeeding and it was a big struggle to begin with, I'm still having some trouble on one side so I'm scared of her needing feeding if I go out. I can only feed her in a particular chair in my house. I need to get used to feeding in different places but I'm worried I won't be able to and that'll make me give up bf.

This is turning into a bloody long post, but I feel so stupid feeling like this. My mum asked when I was going to take DD up to see her and I burst into tears.

I don't know what to do :(

[Mabelface]

You need to see the doctor really. If you rang your HV do you think she would come to see you today? I would recommend that you carry on with your walks around the village, and then only drive when you feel up to it, rather than just because you've been given the all clear. Your body is still recovering from the trauma of a section and you sound low. You're not stupid, you know, these bloody hormones are a bugger when you've had a baby and breastfeeding can take a while to be fully comfortable.

Most of all, what I'm trying to say is to be kinder to yourself, invite people to come and see you and help you. It WILL get easier and better. xxx

[fairylightsinthesnow]

oh love please don't worry. It does feel a bit overwhelming at first but you can do it. There a few options for a first outing but the drs surgery is first. Is it a walk or a drive? Either way, don't worry about the CS - I had 2 and unless you've had complications there's no reason not to drive at this stage. Try and time the visit so your DD will have just fed and then chances are she'll sleep through it, either in the pram or the car seat (have you practised clicking it in and out of the car?- if not, have a go tonight, Is there a dad on the scene? If so, wait til he gets home so you can practise without feeling like you have to keep an ear out for DD).
Once you are past this drs visit, have a think about asking your HV for a list of breastfeeding clinics or mother and baby mornings. They may be able to help you with the problems with latching and they are a brilliant place to go and practise public feeding. People will help you with positioning, latch, get a you a footstool, a glass of water, tea etc and its PERFECTLY ok to cry if you need to!! Chances are you won't be the only one.
Once you've done a few shorter drives, try and get to your mum's. There's a fair bet that DD will sleep all the way there - I used to deliberately drive uo to 2hrs each way to things because my two both slept like logs in the car and it was time to myself . Congrats on your newborn and best of luck xx

[CreepyCrawly]

Thanks for the reply.

My HV is coming out tomorrow morning before my appointment but I may give her a ring and see if she can come today.

I'm fine with people coming to the house, we've had people round for dinner a few times since we've been home. I'm just absolutely terrified of going out anywhere. My village walks definitely make me feel better when I'm a bit low though so will certainly keep them up.

Luckily, my car needs some work doing to it so I still have a while longer.

But I see people talking about going for lunch, or to the shops, or to baby groups and it just fills me with terror.

[jojomalone]

Really sorry you are feeling like this, I went through similar and I know how overwhelming it can be. I didn't even make it past my front door until week 5 so it sounds like you are already doing better then me!

The advice I would give you is try and stay calm, you do need to get used to making small trips with baby so leave yourself plenty of time (much more then you think you need), prepare everything in advance - changing bag, buggy, your clothes, baby 's clothes, keys, phone, wallet etc, feed baby just before you leave so getting out the house is as smooth a process as possible and you hopefully won't have the opportunity to feel panicked or upset. If you have a partner or a friend in the village maybe they could accompany you? If you don't have time to arrange that before docs appointment, just take it slow, you can do it. If you don't feel confident enough yet to feed baby at surgery, just feed her before you go and as soon as you get back. You can work up to feeding her out and about. She will be fine. Good luck x

[CreepyCrawly]

Thanks fairy

The doctors is a short drive and DH will be coming with me. He's also said he'll come with me on my first few outings. I can do the carseat, I practiced all that before DD was born, all excited to go and spend days with my mum and sister!

[CreepyCrawly]

Thank you jojo

Will definitely be feeding DD before we go. She's so good though, I feel so silly for being so scared. She had to go back to the hospital for her hearing test a few days after we came home and she was brilliant, didn't make a sound.

We had a bad night last night too so I don't think that's helped matters.

[Mabelface]

Lack of sleep makes everything horrendous. x

[jojomalone]

Bad nights make everything seem soooo much worse! But fresh air and a coffee out with baby usually works wonders, I find, even with the faff/anxiety of getting out the house!

There's light at the end of the tunnel, I am at week 19 now and out nearly every day. Have a lovely time at your Mum's

[Purplecatti]

You're not being silly. New babies are scary to take out. Even now at 4 months when we go out I think, but what if she does a poo or needs a feed?
Its one of those things you need to take the plunge with. If it goes wrong it goes wrong and you deal with it. Then you feel better

[mummy2benji]

I found it very daunting to go out when ds1 was small, but after 9 weeks he developed severe reflux and feeding phobia and feeds lasted 2 hours of screaming and had to be only attempted at home, in a quiet room on our own - so after that we were pretty much confined to the house (or hospital, as he had 10 hospital admissions for refusing to feed before the age of 1). It was a horrendous time but actually what made it all the worse was how isolating it was. You feel so much better and more human if you are able to get out and about and not be tied to the house. With dd2 I took her to the museum along with ds1 (now 4) when she was 1 week old. I took them shopping to John Lewis in Cardiff when she was 2 weeks old and someone asked me "Ahh, first trip out?!" I was like, "Uh, no..." Having dd so much more portable than ds ever was makes like so much easier, and it also gives you confidence and reduces your anxiety levels. I feed dd out and about but if she doesn't feed very well somewhere it doesn't matter, we go someone where she'll be less distracted or else she'll wait and feed when we get home. It's hard to begin with, but I strongly urge you to take your dd out in the car for a little trip just locally. Do you have a Starbucks nearby? Once you've done it, you'll feel really proud of yourself and will relish having got out for a change of scene and a bit of relative freedom. If you're lacking in confidence about BF in public, look up breastfeeding aprons or covers on eBay as there are some lovely covers that enable you to look down at baby while hiding everything. Good luck - you can do it! :)

[Phineyj]

I felt a bit like this (also had EMCS). Our house is up a lot of steps and the only feasible way to get in and out in the early days, by myself, was using a sling and then I was stressed that I'd knotted it together wrong and DD would fall out and crack her head (later I got on better with a Baby Bjorn sling as all the parts click into place so you know you've done it right). I had to get out though as I was feeling like I was in prison!

Then I had to get the hang of the folding the buggy wheels, putting the pram top on, putting the carseat in, driving our new-to-us car... honestly I sympathise so much, the first few weeks felt like some sort of stupid Krypton Factor where I had to get the hang of a new gadget every day (and I live in a city so driving is a luxury really, I can get everywhere on foot or by public transport if I need to).

Be easy on yourself -- one thing at a time, gradually build up and meanwhile ask people to come to see you rather than going to them for the moment (your DD will get to know your DM and DSis, it really doesn't matter if it's this week or not). Walking's very good for exercise anyway so if you're getting outside for a walk with the baby every day that's very good.

A couple of ways I have found useful for dealing with anxiety in the past are visualising doing the thing and it being a success (e.g. imagine yourself driving to your Mum's, how good you will feel when you get there) and writing down worries and then ripping the piece of paper up and binning it. Something else we've found useful is a mirror for the car so you can see the baby in their car seat (Halford's sell them).