Public meltdown with toddler, now weeping into my cuppa

[discotequewreck]

I just had the worst school run ever. My three year old dd hitting her brother, shouting, running into the cat park at school and refusing to come out. Then a huuuge tantrum in front of the whole school. I lost it, threatened to smack her (which I didn't and wouldn't),and everyone staring at us in horror.

I am now weeping into my coffee. We are a normal pretty civilised family but this has filled me with regret. It is pretty snooty around here anyway, no doubt I have fuelled some gossip and disdain for a while

Want to curl up and sleep today away

[SavoyCabbage]

It's happened to us all. Really.

Once at Centre Parks, my toddler has having such a tantrum that crowds formed around us. Then, a woman approached the snotty faced, screaming rag-bag that is my dd and asked her "if she knew the lady" dragging her along the woodland path.

Everybody looked at me for the rest of the holiday. Rooms fell silent as I entered them.

When my dd is 17 I am going to tell her how to drive and when she gets a sofa I am going to climb on it in my wellys. Then, one day, hopefully, we will go to Centre Parks again...

[Tee2072]

I doubt you've fuelled anything except relief that it wasn't them this time.

Have a and a sit down and hold your head high tomorrow.

[discotequewreck]

Thanks Savoy, I have honestly never seen anyone else have this problem.

My dd is a gorgeous, lively bright little girl and we have a great bond and many lovely times. But she is an absolute nightmare on the school run. She fills my heart with love but also makes me boil with anger at times.

[jennybeadle]

It happens to just about everyone at some point. Mine was in Sainsburys, and the lovely lady who was on the check out that day still stops me for a chat every time I am in - 13 years later.

On the positive side, this will be good for weeding out the people you don't want as friends at school. As I think Dr Seuss says, "those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind".

Chin up, smile, and I'll bet you get some supportive, knowing smiles at pick up. In the meantime, do something nice for yourself today.

[Chrysanthemum5]

I think toddler tantrums have happened to us all. DD had a monster tantrum on the school run once, she was 4. She screamed all the way from the school to where I'd parked, normally a 2-3 minute walk, but that day it took us 20 minutes. Everyone was looking, and I felt terrible. But then I realised that actually most people were looking in sympathy!

[Oscarandelliesmum]

Just Wanted to add my support my dd, also 3, was such a nightmare on the school run (again, delightful child except for during this half hour window) we ended up having to buy a double buggy to contain her and new baby together.

[TomArchersSausage]

Hands disco her well earned membership Tshirt (so one day you can say to some other poor harassed soul 'been there, got the tshirt') wear it with pride.

And (medicinal) and to cheer you up.

They were all glad it wasn't them.

[Plumviolet]

I had a similar experience yesterday and i am still upset about it (think im premenstral).

My normally lovely, charming, gorgeous 3yo dd1 had a complete flip out when i tried to get her to walk home from nursery. Flopped on the ground, hid behind bushes and then completely ran off on me, while i was trying to wrestle with equally uncooperative 21mo dd2, who thought this looked like a great game and decided to copy dd1's behaviour.

I was that woman. Seriously, i was a screaming banshee down the road who lost all control. Smug nanny from playgroup just so happened to be walking behind with her perfectly behaved twin charges and im sure was tutting away.

I am ashamed to admit that i momentarily hated my children.

[TomArchersSausage]

Btw my dd had such a massive tantrum one night when we were camping, the next morning the whole campsite we're giving us looks.

Gawd knows what they thought was going on in our tent.

She woke up disorientated and started having some sort of night terror screaming and crashing about the tent and trampling on dd1 and ds.

Nothing but nothing would calm her down. Dh yelling above all the commotion 'That's it! I'm putting her in the car..!' Me yelling 'Oh no you're not!'. All at 3am in an otherwise silent campsite.

[DisAstrophe]

my dd age 4 ran into someone's garden yesterday. The old man who lived was obviously very upset by that and knocked on the window. Cue me shouting at her to get out NOW.

dd was then weeping and the other mum I was in walking with looked v v shocked at my over reaction. I did feel a bit sorry for dd because she had followed the ds of the other mum into the garden and could see he didn't get told off at all.

I shouldn't have shouted so loudly but I felt really bad for the upset old man and embarrassed that my dd was trampling his garden.

OP - your dd was in danger by running off in the car park - someone could have reversed into her as she is tiny. You had to shout (tho you are right that threatening the smack wasn't so great).

[Tubegirl]

We all do it. My dd had a melt down in the local shopping centre when I grabbed her out of the way of a mobility scooter. She started yelling and screaming 'get off me get off me you're hurting me'. I had hold of her hood! It was extremely embarassing and was half expecting security to stop me for abducting her. Tomorrow it will be someone else and as others have pointed out, most of them at school will have been thinking phew it's not mine.

[jumpinghoops]

She fills my heart with love but also makes me boil with anger at times

^^ This strikes a big chord with me. I've just flicked around the parenting topic as I had such an awful time with my little 2.10 month old this morning. Mostly in the house before going to nursery but she also sobbed and screamed the whole way there and I felt like an utterly shit mother. Two minutes inside and she was all kisses, cuddles and 'I love you's' but I still feel rubbish. Cried all the way to work (am 34 weeks pregnant + emotional).

[discotequewreck]

I must have forgotten what this age is like because my ds is older and though he can be cheeky and grumpy sometimes he is a lot easier.

Threenagers!

[VictorTango]

Exactly what Tee2072 said.

I would have felt sympathy for you and I'm ashamed to say, relief that it wasn't one of mine!

It happens to the best of parents.

[JessieEssex]

Here too - DD is 2.6 and is an absolute joy 95% of the time. The other 5%.... I was clothes shopping the other day and we had had a talk about walking with mummy, holding hands and not running off, and being a good girl etc. 10 minutes in, she was flopping on the floor with her hands over her eyes, laughing manically, doing the floppy body and arms thing so I couldn't pick her up, then running off at a pace I couldn't keep up with (did I mention I'm 35 weeks pg?!)

I had to pick her up and march her back to the car (with shooting pains firing across my bump). Managed not to cry until we got in the car. Felt like the worst mother in the world.

Next day (and since), she was perfect.

and to every parent of a toddler.

[JessieEssex]

and everyone was staring/laughing at me.

[cakebar]

My DD gets school run rage, I strap her into the pushchair so we are not late, she regularly screams the whole way there, the whole way back and tries to pull all her clothes off to annoy me, and it is freezing here. She manages to get hat, scarf, gloves, shoes, socks and part of coat off each time.

I get evils for letting a little one have cold feet. Some people have commented. I suggested they try and show them what happens when I put the shoes and socks back on. She is going to be a hell of a stroppy teenager I guess. My older DC were not like this. It is getting better as she gets older. Ho Hum.

[debbie1412]

My ds 2.6 always seems to play up in carparks while struggling with dd in car seat. It makes me shout because I know he could get hurt which makes him run round all the more. I'm sure no ones gossiping and if they are karma will come around and bite them in the ass x

[mamasmissionimpossible]

You have my sympathy. My dd was a wailing banshee from about 2 until she was nearly 4. Dropping her at nursery was a nightmare for me. As she would scream, drop to the ground and everyone would stare at us. I frequently ended up in the office inside the nursery in tears :(

On the bright side, she is 5 now and rarely has tantrum or nothing as epic as she did when she was a toddler. It does get better!

[pussollini]

We go through this (DS is 3) but I never see it happening to anyone else. I used to wonder if people stayed at home until their children were 5.

The other day I had to stand like a lemon on a busy street corner for about ten minutes while DS writhed and wailed on the ground. Some passers-by stopped to commiserate or laugh in a supportive way. I'd far rather be the mother that suffers the tantrum than the mother than buys the toy or takes the different route home or whatever their contrary mind may decide.

[mummy2benji]

Ah bless you - yes, we've all been there! I have lost the plot more since dd2 came along - if only an extra child brought with it extra patience and ability to cope. I once yelled at ds1 in John Lewis department store (full of upmarket well-to-do folk) and dragged him across the store by the elbow. He hadn't even been that naughty, just a bit too boisterous and I lost it. Lots of horrified looks from snooty women who probably employed nannies to bring up their beautifully behaved offspring.

Every other parent at your child's school who witnessed said meltdown has most likely been the recipient of a horrible screaming tantrum themselves, so are being entirely hypocritical if they feel anything other than sympathy for you. x

[MamaBlue4]

My 4 year thought it was funny screaming "Schwein" all around the supermarket, while laying flat on his back in the middle of the aisle which encouraged his younger sister to do the same.

When I tried to pick him up he stiffened his body so I couldn't grab him, then when I did the whole "walking away" thing. He had a full on tantrum, which made his sister cry.

Took me 10 minutes to strap him into my DD's stroller, after doing the stiff move.

All the while my husband carried on shopping! I felt like the world's most awful mother and so embarrassed.

Seriously, I wanna know how kids learn to do the stiffening trick, because now my 22 month old knows how to do it!

I dread supermarkets. Can I have a coffee too?! Haha :)

[pussollini]

Worse than the stiff move, is the one where they dematerialise and reform in a futuristic material that seems solid but slips inexplicably through your fingers. DS could be a very successful protestor as it is almost impossible to remove him from any scene. We had a long stand off in the street recently, he wanted to go to the park and I was trying to get him home. We were on a steep hill and I had three bags of shopping. He clung to the railings of a house and he is so ridiculously strong I couldn't prise him off. In the end I resorted to hiding behind a car until he actually thought I had gone and trailed up the hill crying. Not my finest hour (or his, to be fair).

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

Yep, been there sooooo many times.

After the last screaming sobbing tantrum from 3yo dd2, in the middle of the village for all to hear, a man who loves about 100 yards away saw us the next day and told her (tongue in cheek) that he never knew she could be so loud!

When I see someone else suffering I always tell them never mind, it's just your turn today, it'll be someone else tomorrow.