Miserable

(10 Posts)
Cosmo89 Tue 12-Feb-13 07:11:22

Sorry- I know I've put other posts up on here trying to get to the bottom of DS's various issues..

But I'm losing it. I can't cope anymore. And I don't see how it's going to get any better - Ibe tried everything I can think of to get to the bottom of whatever is unsettling him but its been weeks and no improvement

I'm so tired. I get help from dp but still shattered.
Been to the GP- and on the list for cbt - but to be honest I don't see that my thought patterns are rely the issue. A week if good sleep, I would be fine.

What upsets me is how I'd rather do anything else than look after DS today. I'm too tired to cope with his sleep problems and to cope with him not napping when he's tired, and then crying the whole day because he's tired and needing constant attention.

I ask for help from my parents when I'm really at the wall, but there's always a reason that prevents them helping (I've never for instance has anyone come round to walk him so I can sleep, even when he was new),

Today I wish if never had him and it makes me feel awful

Curtsey Tue 12-Feb-13 07:19:28

How old is Ds?
You are not the first person to have had that thought. It's okay to have that thought. One day all of this will be over and you will sleep again.
What is your relationship with your parents? If you phoned up your mum today and said 'please come around today. I need you to take the baby for a walk. I need to sleep for an hour and a half.' What would she say?

Iggly Tue 12-Feb-13 07:23:59

Yes I've been there. I had to force myself out of the house every day. This helped with DS's naps. I would go to the supermarket, browse charity shops, pound shops etc (so I didn't spend a fortune!)

Other naps I'd let ds sleep on me so I could rest too. Sod what the books said! A lot of pressure came from reading books as they madee feel inadequate with their talk of sleep rod etc.

Also ask your parents directly for help. Tell them to come over and take your baby for a walk on a certain day.

Cosmo89 Tue 12-Feb-13 07:26:25

DS is 7mo.
To be fair, she's just hurt herself so can't help but on a normal day shed probably tell me that she can come for a very limited period due to other commitments.
She's very helpful when it comes to work- she's had him for c. 2 days each month so I can start working again but wouldn't offer just to have him iyswim

Curtsey Tue 12-Feb-13 08:01:44

Haven't seen your other threads so not sure what his issues are. Sorry you're feeling like this. Is he awake now? Could you take him for a walk 2 hours -no more I mean - from his first waking so that he will sleep for you? If he sleeps in pram that is. You just need to get through today, take it a day at a time. A second walk in the afternoon if you have to. Stand under a hot shower while he sits in chair watching you. Does he eat solids?

Cosmo89 Tue 12-Feb-13 08:32:15

Thanks curtsey- he's waking every half hour unt dream feed at 10. He's then waking at least twice with nappy leaks and taking an hour to settle at least each time, with full change of clothes etc.

He's been diagnosed with silent reflux but I'm
Not 100% that's what is bothering him.

Anyway, he used to sleep in the buggy, now doesn't,

Solids seem to make it worse, so I cut back on the weaning just to see- so we're behind a bit and only just returning to it, with one small meal in the morning- and milk as normal etc

I just don't see it getting better.

lifesobeautiful Tue 12-Feb-13 09:19:58

Oh you poor thing Cosmo. It WILL get better. I truly empathise. You are not alone. You just have to focus on getting through each day at a time and remember that this is just a stage. It doesn't last for ever. I think most mothers have had these thoughts at some time or another, no matter how much they seem to be calm and in control. I know I have and I ADORE my DS (although I LOVE his two days at nursery!!), who's 2 now by the way, and much easier!

I agree with previous posters that you need to get out and about as much as possible.

I'd also address the leaking nappy situation - I found the best nappies to be Pampers Simply Dry (in the orange pack). I never had a leaking incident after that.

If I was you I'd also arrange to get a very good night's sleep (ask DP to wake up one night for DS - or perhaps even go and stay the night at your mum and dad's so you get a PROPER night's sleep. I did this when my DS was three week's old and the world seemed a whole lot brighter the next day. It was revelationary!! Sleep deprivation is torture and distorts your mind!

THEN if I was you, with a bit of sleep in you, I'd start sleep training. I know some people disagree with it, but unless you want his sleep problems to continue into toddlerhood, you need to bite the bullet now. I did when my DS wouldn't nap (and then was horribly grizzley) and it changed my life. Put him down, let him cry, go in, soothe him, leave again. It's tiring, but with some sleep behind you you'll find it easier. It took my DS two days only. He now sleeps for three hours at lunch time. Your DS needs to be taught how to sleep nicely, and you need a break. That's your right. I have a friend who was so opposed to controlled crying. Her 8-month-old DD woke up every hour through the night. but she was about to go back to work at her law firm, and couldn't physically fathom going back to work with that amount of sleep. She was miserable and felt like she was going mad! ANyway, it took three days of controlled crying (using the going in and soothe and then leave - not just leaving them there) and her DD on the third night slept for 12 hours - and has done ever since.

Anyway, good luck. Everything will be all right!! As that saying goes, 'this too will pass'.

lifesobeautiful Tue 12-Feb-13 09:21:30

PS - try and find a well-regarded book about sleep training - I've just given a very brief summary!

teacher123 Tue 12-Feb-13 09:40:02

Oh poor you :-( have you tried a snooze shade over the pram? DS completely stopped napping in the car about a month ago and I was at the end of my tether thinking 'that's it, I'm never going to be able to go out ever again', then I took a gamble (as they're £20) and got one from jojo. They are black out blinds for car seats and pushchairs, it now means he'll nap when out and about again as there's nothing for him to look at and it's nice and dark!

I also agree with the pp talking about sleep training I'm afraid (sorry, v unpopular!) you need to get the nappy situation sorted and then maybe get a bit tougher. Do you have black out blinds in his room? I use a radio on white noise for bedtime and naps and have him in blacked out bedroom. Nappy change, into grobag, quick kiss and into cot. DS usually does one howl of absolute outrage when I shut the door, but then will just grizzle till he drops off. If he's really howling I go to him, of course, it usually means he's flipped onto his tummy or has done a dirty nappy.

The wet nappy thing I am stumped by. Maybe just keep trying different brands, or put in one of those liners they use in washable nappies to add an extra absorbent layer?

I am feeling pretty desperate myself today as I've got an awful virus which is making me feel absolutely wretched, so am sending you 'thank god for ceebeebies we will get through this day' vibes! X

Curtsey Tue 12-Feb-13 11:07:35

You poor thing sad

DD was a horr-en-dous sleeper for about the first 5 months, but she did at least nap in the pram/car for me, so long as she was kept moving at all times...

At 5 months I started to do a little bit of sleep training, nothing mean, just into grobag and white noise waves playing, and I sat with her by the cot and held her hand while she grizzled it out. If she became really sad I picked her up, but mostly I didn't need to. It took 3 days of super-consistency and she has always napped well during the day since. Her nights are much less predictable (she's now 12mo) due to teeth and stuff, but the daytime naps definitely saved my sanity.

But it sounds like it's a bit more complicated than that for your little fella. The nappy leak stuff is an odd one alright, try the suggestions above and once that's sorted out at least if you tried to implement some time of structure around sleeptime you wouldn't have to worry about him being wet and uncomfortable.

Are you breastfeeding or does he take bottles? He's still going to be hungry/thirsty at night, isn't he, but it's a matter of getting to a place where there's a decent stretch between his wakings rather than the half-hour stuff which just grinds away at your sanity. I really feel for you. How does he seem in himself? Do you have any niggling worries that you'd like to get checked out? Or do you think it's 'just' a mix of reflux, teeth, habit...

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