Mumsnet Talk

I leave DS with a very of fact 'bye darling, see you later', then walk out.

He gets v upset - crying and crying but then forgets about it after approx 1 minute and photos prove he is smiley and happy the rest of the day.

This crying happens whether I leave him with daddy or the nanny and so I try not to worry about it. I only work very pt - one day in the office.

A friend of mine had advice to start right at the beginning of the day preparing her son to go to the childminder, so "right we're going to have breakfast, then Mummy's going to take you to the childminder where you're going to have loads of fun! Then I'm going to come and pick you up later and we'll have tea, ok?" It meant she was making a real effort to be bright and breezy (as drop off was a nightmare she dreaded it every day and thinks that probably came across) and he knew exactly what was going on. I'd also second everything about a v quick kiss, cuddle and "bye bye, I'll pick you up later".

Good luck

I also said when I'd be back every day ' mummy will pick you up after tea'

I had a very quick but identical routine with DS every time I dropped him anywhere. Took him in, found a little friend or key worker, a kiss and then he would give me a 'special wave' from the window or door as I left. Same every day, even if tears, no change. He was always fine after I'd gone. I think a proper bye bye is essential but no hanging around after that.

A quick drop off is best all round. DS's nursery are very good at this, although with my DS it's more often them trying to bring him back for a very brief kiss or cuddle before he hot-foots it into the next room to play! There's only a small space in the hall anyway (converted house) so its partly from necessity but I trust their experience.

I hated leaving ds at creche when he would cry and wail "Mummmyyyy!!" but the carers there told me to say a bright "have fun, see you later darling!" quick cuddle and kiss and then leave. They were absolutely right, as one of the carers would pick him up and be kind to him and take him through to the playroom and a minute later he would be charging round with a toy train. They made me sneak back in one time just to show me how fine he was shortly after I'd gone. It's still a harrowing experience to have to walk away when you know they're upset! But creche / nursery does them so much good with regard confidence and learning to play with peers, and the tears don't last long.

I teach reception & IME it's best to say goodbye before leaving as it is quite upsetting for the child to turn around expecting to see you & suddenly your gone & they don't know when your coming back. It makes them more clingy in the long run as they think you'll disappear at any minute!
Having said that its best to keep goodbyes brief e.g 'mummy's going now, I'll be back later' long drawn out goodbyes usually end up with me trying to prise a hysterical child off mums leg!
Hopefully the nursery staff can help by having a friendly face available for a cuddle or to distract them when you've left and no matter how bad it seems whilst your there tears usually last 5 mins max after mums gone

What guff says,
Drop him in, quick cuddle and goodbye.
He will get used to it. I bet he's fine about 5 mins after you leave.

Don't try and sneak out, that is only likely to make him more anxious that you are going to leave him

I find a combination of bribery (letting DD take a small toy in with her, that goes straight in her bag after breakfast), comfort (lots of big cuddles, actually vocalising "mummy loves you and will be back to pick you up later") and thick skin (giving the one last cuddle, saying bye then leaving) in varying quantities works most of the time

I hand him over to his key worker, give him a kiss and say a quick goodbye, because I think legging it can confuse them, but keeping it quick seems to be the best advice I got. Hanging around whilst they get more and more upset doesn't seem to help.

Can I have some tips on dropping my son off at nursery?! He is 2 in march and is starting to get upset when I drop him off, is it a case off legging it out the door b4 he realises I am going or do I make a point of saying goodbye? He has been going for a year but has just started to get clingy again! Any suggestions appreciated!