Mums in their 20's

(40 Posts)
abbyfromoz Tue 05-Feb-13 18:06:12

Pro's and cons? Living in London i rarely meet first time mums under the age of 35. What do you feel are the best and worst parts about starting a family in your 20's?

Theicingontop Mon 25-Feb-13 08:24:43

Pros: I don't know really, I just feel like a mum. I don't particularly feel like I reap any benefits from being in my 20s. I didn't have an easy pregnancy and am still feeling my SPD, had a complicated birth and PND as a result!

Cons: I got judged. A lot, but not so much now if ever. I ebf, and I had to insist I wasn't bloody lying to my HV. She'd always put down formula feeding and I'd had to try to convince her he hadn't had any formula. "It's just most girls your age don't breastfeed past a few weeks, that's all. There's nothing wrong with giving a bit of formula!" angry

I feel I overcompensate with how strict I am on DS to make sure he doesn't get a bad rep from being a 'young mum's' kid.

gillian88 Mon 25-Feb-13 08:44:51

I'm 24 and have a 2 year old Ds and a 6 month old Dd. I get judged alot despite being with my partner for over 5 years! Wasn't so bad with my first, but with my second alot of people asked why I was rushing it, that I had the next 15 years to add to my family. I wanted my children close together so they could grow up together! I'm undecided about whether I want anymore. Once these two are a bit older and at school, luckily I will still be young enough that if I want another one, I can.

One of the worst points for me has been losing my friends. None of my friends have children. They go out drinking at weekends to parties and bars and don't understand
why I don't do that. I think they see me as boring, since my dd was born 6 months ago they haven't invited me out once. sad

But at the end of the day, I have a wonderful partner and two gorgeous precious children so I wouldn't change it for the world smile

mamalovesmojitos Mon 25-Feb-13 09:49:42

I had dd at 20. The cons are my financial instability but everything else is a pro smile. I felt very aware of being a young mum but i think it was me protecting my own insecurities. I've never been judged to my face. I think most people don't care. And lets face it, it's not like young mums are rare, there's plenty of us about.

mamalovesmojitos Mon 25-Feb-13 09:51:53

*projecting my own insecurities

abbyfromoz Wed 27-Feb-13 07:58:58

Theicing- i have a story about my DM. She got married young and had my sister when she was 21 and me just after her 23rd birthday which i suppose was the norm back then. I asked her though what differences she felt after having my half brother at 38. She said she felt more assertive although she had many other struggles including pnd. At one stage she was hospitalised with it when DB was only a few weeks old. She was BFing but so tired she had asked one of the nurses if she would mind giving him a bottle in the night. Nurse said 'but you are bfing?' She said yes- so?' Nurse said 'you can't di that'.. DM said 'but i am'... Nurse 'but you can't?' DM 'but i am'... Went on for a while but in the end DM stood her ground and he had a bottle every now and then. Went on to BF until DB was 3.5 years old! Trust yourself as a mum. You know best.

rrreow Wed 27-Feb-13 14:58:35

I don't really differentiate between myself (27, pg with 2nd DC) and other mums who are in their 30s. Maybe it's because my DH is older (45) but as I see it we're all at the same stage in life and it's no longer like when you're under 18, where a couple years difference in age makes a huge difference in maturity/how you connect with people.

Then again I don't get out there much as I work full time (from home) so I haven't really experienced many baby/toddler groups. My NCT friends are all lovely though, I'm sure they're all probably in their 30s (I honestly wouldn't know, I haven't asked!) but any differences between us aren't really to do with age, just personality.

IrnBruTheNoo Wed 27-Feb-13 22:00:27

My close circle of friends started having babies later than myself (in their 30s). I had my first when I was 24. When I'm 40 I'll have two teenagers, when they're 40 they'll still have primary aged DC. The way I saw it was that I want to be a young granny (if it ever happens!) and fit enough to help out with DGC later on in life, but also be free to pursue my own interests when I'm still relatively young too. I was lucky enough to be in a committed relationship at the age of 22 and so it wasn't an issue for me to wait until my 30s. I felt fertility should not be taken for granted as DM had fertility issues in her 30s and I did not want to tempt fate!

I had DS when I was 20. I always wanted to have DCs when I was younger. My DM had me when she was 21 and I'm watching her reap the benefits of that now - both me and my sister have moved out, and she's going out, having weekends away and generally packing in everything she couldn't do when we were small!

IrnBruTheNoo Thu 28-Feb-13 11:09:04

It's not until I've had one school aged now, that I realise how lucky I've been to have them relatively young. I couldn't imagine starting out in my 30's with pregnancy and sleepless nights, tbh.

imip Thu 28-Feb-13 11:42:05

I think it's an individual choice. For many, such as myself, the only way to have become a mum in my 20s would have been to do it without a partner. It would not have been the ideal choice. I had my first dd at 34, my last at 40. Yes, I am very tired, but I have had five babies in six years and two months, I am sure that would exhaust anybody! I did lots of travelling and partying in my pre dc days. Had enough money to buy my own place. Had lovely clothes! got my degree and post grad degree over and done with. We can afford for me to be a sahm and the time is right also for a career change. Dd was doing a project about castles at school, we talked about a lot of them and I told her of lots of the ones I had visited. I'm glad I had the chance to do this in my 20 and 30s, rather than in my 40s when my children had grown up and I still had those type of family ties.

Additionally for me, I had siblings much younger than me. I knew what hard work kids were, I just wasn't ready for that.

But we have have different circumstances and the challenge is making them work for us. For me what would not have worked was spreading my family over decades. I have a friend who has had a child in her 20s, 30s and 40s. She is also considering her 4th! She lives abroad and had lots of hired help. I am glad I have 'consolidated' my childbearing, though I would like more sleep!

I had my ds when I was 18, which means that people are stunned when I tell them I have an 11 year old. It's worse now that I'm a teacher, as I find that not many teachers have children so young so I feel I get judged more at work - especially since ds is starting at my school in September!

It's not something I planned, but the biggest pro for me is that having a child gave my life a direction and purpose it previously lacked. Without him I'd never have returned to education and got my degree, as he was my motivation.

Cons for me are dealing with behaviour and trying to be authoritative when I was so young myself. Also that I was so young that I didn't actually plan to start a family, so didn't have any more as I felt too young so decided to kick start my career and have more children when I was financially more stable.

Downside there is that I had children when I was young, but will hopefully also be having children in my 30s, so won't feel like I've had a break or the benefits of being a younger or older mum!

leaharrison11 Sat 02-Mar-13 08:25:31

I just turned 21 when i had DS , the cons for me are -
Lost alot my friends as they are still partying going on girls holidays things like that.
The looks and comments i have received
And having to grow up in a day

The pros-
Finding out my true friends
Proving everyone how much of strong parent i am
My son

Having my son out weighs all the cons i think being a mother at any age is a gift and i know i much prefer to wake up at 6am with him than partying till 6am, id advice anyone to do it

MummyPig24 Sun 03-Mar-13 07:07:36

In not in London, I'm in a village in Berkshire. I'm 25, there's not many younger mums here, and at the risk of sounding horrifically snobby, they are not my kind of people! I get on well with the older mums so its not an issue.

I am glad we had children young, I enjoy it. We are not financially stable which is a big con but my children have all the love in the world from us.

CuppaSarah Mon 04-Mar-13 17:55:07

I think alot of it depends where you are. I'm in Hampshire and rarely see other young mums. I just had my first at 23, but I look a bit younger than my age, when I was pregnant I even had old women tutting at me hmm. I'm not sure what they thought really, but it did hurt my feelings. I do feel a bit out of place wheeling DD round town when I see endless 35+ Mummys out together in Costa. The area can be a bit snooty too, I feel a bit judged becuase I don't have an iCandy buggy or Mamas and Papas clothes. So I guess the main con for me in fiances.

On the plus I have lots of energy and find swapping my sleep routine round really easy. Plus I haven't had as many years to get settled into my ways, so it's easier to accept all the lifestyle changes we're going through. Also I haven't got a career to worry about which I imagine is a really difficult thing for older mums to deal with.

MoodyDidIt Mon 04-Mar-13 18:05:06

i had my dc at 26 and 29

pro's - lots of energy, body bounced back quick

cons - erm, none

i'm 33 now, feel old and am dead envious of young mums blush

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