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One thing to think about is how much time they are spending not with their dad on his weekend, which is supposed to be about them being together.
If she is verbally abusing them, I'm not making excuses but perhaps it's resentment that on top of looking after a baby and toddler (which is a trial sometimes) she is looking after her dh's children when they come to visit him?
Of course you can't tell him what to do on his weekends but maybe the children saying they want to spend more time with him on their weekends.
I daresay it's all about how you approach it. It's difficult in these situations to say the right thing, or at least say it so that it's received in the right way if you see what I mean - particularly when the other party is receiving criticism.
Perhaps you can make it more 'what can we do about the children ?' rather than 'what are you going to do about her?'
Hi, thank you both above for replying. The kids are 9 and 11, a boy and girl. I've suggested to the kids they tell their Dad when it happens but they have said they are too frightened too because she might be even meaner to them if they tell on her. Its unlikely that they would lie but could be exagerating, as kids often seem to blow things up abit. But when they tell me that its always when the dad is out or somewhere else in the house, it does make me wonder what kind of woman she is. They're not even bad ill behaved kids they're quite quiet shy children. It seems to have got worse since she has had two of her own children who are now 2 and the other afew months old.....maybe she's tired and stressed out, but thats still no reason to use foul language infront of young children. Its not like they are totally dependant of them that she has to do everything for them. My two often say they don't want to go visit their dad cuz she'll be there. Its a nightmare i'm worried she may go one step further and hit them or something. I think will definately try and mention it to their dad again......... Thanks for the advice Andro and Fenton.
There are two things that could be happening here, - they could by lying to you, exaggerating, taking things out of context,
or she could be being sneaky and unkind to them without their Dad's knowledge.
Either way you need to get to the bottom of it, - if they are lying to you about her, why? Why do they want you thinking badly of her?
If she is suddenly being unkind to them, why? - What has changed?
You need to encourage them to tell their father as and when it happens.
Tell your ex (again) that they are reporting back to you about this, and tell him that you have asked them to let him know immediately it happens - try to let him know that you are just putting him in the picture and you hope that whatever is going wrong he can deal with it within the household.
Hi all, just looking for some advice. My kids go to their Dads and his wifes alternate weekends. The problem is the step mother uses offensive language directed at the children when their Dad is not in earshot. This has been going on for a while now. When they first started going there she was as nice as pie apparently, but not so now. I have tried to tell my ex what is going on but he does not believe me. I don't have anything to do with the step mom as i never see her. Everytime the kids come back home and they tell me about their weekend, my blood boils. I don't know what to do, should i report her to someone in authority or try and tell their Dad again and risk being told to naff off? Any advice would be appreciated please!